A Shaggy Dog Story...

[Torvaig]

Today I had to leave Ben on his own for a few hours. Ben does not like this. However, as he gets older and wiser, he seems to have accepted that I cannot be with him all the time. It would not be his choice, but he has learned to suffer in silence. Actually that is a lie...he is a male after all.

When he was younger, anytime he was abandoned (his words, not mine) he would attack, worry or eat anything he could get his paws on. As this involved a telling off when I returned, he would hang his head in shame before I saw the damage but was secretly delighted with the attention. He is a male after all.

To avoid newspapers, rugs or my secret stash of cash stuffed in the cushions being reduced to pulp (I have written a book on 50 ways with papier mache) I continually had to tidy the house of any debris before I left on whatever business was important enough to extract me from my main aim in life. My main aim in life being to feed, clothe, groom and perpetually amuse Ben. He is a male after all.

Up until today, I was feeling rather smug at how I have gradually built up my faith in Ben in that I could vacate my home occasionally without living in dread of what would face me when I arrived home. Today was different. Today was the day Ben learned to comunicate.

Having divested myself of my coat, handbag and gloves, checked the telephone for messages, switched the kettle on and checked for Reds under the bed, I entered the living room to a sight I had hoped I would never see.

I love my books. Books on anything. Books on antiques, old cloth covered classics, song books, self-education books such as "Teach yourself the bodhran". No, I am not joking.

Ben knows this. Having lived with me for nearly four years he knows the amount of time I spend with my nose in a book (when I am not practicing the bodhran that is) and he also knows he is not allowed to touch my books under any circumstances, no matter how much I declare my undying love for him. But today our lives changed. They changed forever.

Ben had been annoyed that I left this morning without saying where I was going. Ben had to teach me a lesson. Ben did.

Ben took yesterdays P & J and reduced it to small pieces. Not quite the size of confetti but more a size that ministers would possibly approve of in that they were bigger than confetti. Much easier to sweep up.

Ben also removed several music books from the bottom shelf of the bookcase. None were harmed. Every page intact. Every shiny cover unslavered on. Except one. A hard back. A book I had purchased to show my dedication to striving to understand one who had come to live with me in my maturing years. A book I had read from cover to cover.

And the name of this book? "Talk To Your Dog. How to Communicate With Your Pet" by Susie Green. Honest...

I should have known; he is a male after all.

[pat]

It certainly made me laugh - sounds very like my two.

[Sapphire2803]

I think it might be something to do with the name. I had a german shepherd called Ben, he used to do exactly the same thing. My son actually had to go to school once and tell the teacher that the dog ate his homework. I had to write him a note the next day to get him let off his detention for lying. Ben had an extra trick though, he would take things out of the bin and put them under the beds. That was interesting the first time, it was the middle of summer! I gave up in the end, i used to take him everywhere. He would wait in the car for me no problem at all, he just didn't want to be left at home. You're right though... Definitely a male thing!

[cuddlepop]

now Torvaig were you really looking as Ben was probably only reading the P@J and just got fustrated as I do in turning the pages as the papers to big.
Secondly the dog book was giving him an insight into what the heck your up too with your doggy mind games.

Made me smile though as I bet he was as proud as punch when you came home,tail wagging and all.

[lady penelope]

Torvaig, that is so funny. Maybe Ben thinks you may now listen to him

[carasmam]

Torvaig - brilliant !!! He was just digesting Susie Green's every word - literally.
And I agree with Cuddlepop the P&J is way too big, except on a Saturday lol

[Liz]

That is so funny and brilliantly told!
You should be writing books yourself. Just don't let Ben near the manuscript!

[mccaugm]

[quote=Torvaig;371562]Today I had to leave Ben on his own for a few hours. Ben does not like this. However, as he gets older and wiser, he seems to have accepted that I cannot be with him all the time. It would not be his choice, but he has learned to suffer in silence. Actually that is a lie...he is a male after all.

When he was younger, anytime he was abandoned (his words, not mine) he would attack, worry or eat anything he could get his paws on. As this involved a telling off when I returned, he would hang his head in shame before I saw the damage but was secretly delighted with the attention. He is a male after all.

To avoid newspapers, rugs or my secret stash of cash stuffed in the cushions being reduced to pulp (I have written a book on 50 ways with papier mache) I continually had to tidy the house of any debris before I left on whatever business was important enough to extract me from my main aim in life. My main aim in life being to feed, clothe, groom and perpetually amuse Ben. He is a male after all.

Up until today, I was feeling rather smug at how I have gradually built up my faith in Ben in that I could vacate my home occasionally without living in dread of what would face me when I arrived home. Today was different. Today was the day Ben learned to comunicate.

Having divested myself of my coat, handbag and gloves, checked the telephone for messages, switched the kettle on and checked for Reds under the bed, I entered the living room to a sight I had hoped I would never see.

I love my books. Books on anything. Books on antiques, old cloth covered classics, song books, self-education books such as "Teach yourself the bodhran". No, I am not joking.

Ben knows this. Having lived with me for nearly four years he knows the amount of time I spend with my nose in a book (when I am not practicing the bodhran that is) and he also knows he is not allowed to touch my books under any circumstances, no matter how much I declare my undying love for him. But today our lives changed. They changed forever.

Ben had been annoyed that I left this morning without saying where I was going. Ben had to teach me a lesson. Ben did.

Ben took yesterdays P & J and reduced it to small pieces. Not quite the size of confetti but more a size that ministers would possibly approve of in that they were bigger than confetti. Much easier to sweep up.

Ben also removed several music books from the bottom shelf of the bookcase. None were harmed. Every page intact. Every shiny cover unslavered on. Except one. A hard back. A book I had purchased to show my dedication to striving to understand one who had come to live with me in my maturing years. A book I had read from cover to cover.

And the name of this book? "Talk To Your Dog. How to Communicate With Your Pet" by Susie Green. Honest...

That is hilarious...loved it made me laugh so much my youngest son gave me a very puzzled look. He actually thought I was amused by some rubbishy cartoon he was watching.