i am actually thinking of using the telephone on on my voicemail.

I dialled a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep.If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
( I LOVE THIS ONE!) My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman...........so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders. But it keeps getting harder to find one.
A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids yours?" The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
Nominated as the best short joke this year...
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.