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Thread: and we think we are safe flying!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007

    Default and we think we are safe flying!!

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
    Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

    Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
    Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

    Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    Engineers: Evidence removed.

    Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

    Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

    Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
    Engineers: Suspect you're right.

    Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
    Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
    Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    Pilot: Target radar hums.
    Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
    Engineers: Cat installed.

    Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006


    A Southwest Airlines captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.
    Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
    The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
    She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
    "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    corby (little scotland)

    Default Safe flying

    So good, I have added it to favourites.

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