1K.Orger
wits end
my 3 and going to be 4 in May little girl is not bothered vaboud being potty trained..hot bums and sweets donnt work and star charts are passe ,,,any hints or tips before murder is an option?...
please!
I have run out of ideas ...bribes dont work..punishment doesnt work....im fed up with wet and dirty pants and havent got a clue where to go now!
And its a big issue with nursery etc........
1K.Orger
Have you tried literally taking her to the toilet every 15 minutes no matter what she is doing, they soon get fed up of having to sit on the toilet when they want back to their toy, tv, dinner etc and tend to do it quicker so they can get back faster.
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1K.Orger
Just give the nursery time to work, perhaps ridicule from her peers at nursery will snap her out of it, good luck.Originally Posted by Dadie
Hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn't matter which colour does the hating. It's just plain wrong.
Muhammad Ali
1K.Orger
My wife suggests getting her involved; get her to help wash her own pants by hand - not as punishment but as Mum/daughter activity.
D'oH! My brain hurts...
.Orger
She will do it at the instant she is ready to and not a second before.
Nursery will make all sorts of issues and problems about it, but the bottom line is they need to provide proper care and attention for her, including if needed changing a nappy.
Relax and wait, it will happen one day.
.Orger
i wouldn't punish her as she will make negative associations with going to the toilet. i used gina ford potty training in a week which is totally just common sense stuff but i liked it, i gave it to the library so they might have it. we stayed in the house for a week, (which i know you can't do because of nursery) and my little boy was undressed on the bottom half most of the time, she says once you take the nappy off never put it back on (although i did at night to begin with) don't use pull up pants as they are too confusing and praise them all the time, if she has an accident say she can do it right next time. Does she use a potty or the big toilet?
.Orger
Abosolutly right, despite what our elders tell us their is no set time, one morning your little one will get up and go and that will be it done, my mother gave me grief from the day our girl turned 2, but we ignored her. Then one day at around 3 1/2 she just stopped and that was that.
1K.Orger
She DID it all for 2 weeks for santa coming!
Then as soon as the pressies were unwrapped .......
And we are at a total stalemate with her winning the battle.
She was clean and dry 90% of the time at 2 now she seems to be not even trying and will happily sit in dirty or wet pants.
Not bothered about washing the pants(will guddle in the sink quite happily)....not bothered about sitting on the loo or potty ......stars/sweets great if she gets them but not bothered if she doesnt use the loo or potty...
only ever use pull ups at night....as the amount of washing she creates in a day is bad enough without having a wet/dirty bed to do too!
Even Euan is starting to sit on the potty .....and have a pee....not training him so much as having times to put him on, after mealsand before a bath etc....and praise for just sitting if anything happens big praise..
.Orger
it sounds really hard for you! maybe having a younger sibling is what is causing her to act out a 'behaviour' which is getting her attention - you know she can do it so there is no medical reason or lack of understanding. my kids are 3 and 18 months and my 3 year old quite often copies his little brother or speaks like a baby and i think its because he thinks he's getting more attention. is you health visitor any good?
1K.Orger
my boy took a long time to get dry.
i found once we took the pressure of, and stopped making it a deal he started going of his own accord.
for too long i let the pressures of others saying "mines been off ages" get to me.
i too had hassle with the nursery (which the health visitor soon put a stop to as the nursery are supposed to support you not put pressure on you and child)
i was also told that the health visitor/doctors will not interveen until the child is 7 and still doing it. (i know 7!!) as they then get medical help to strengthen bladder and it does work before that kinda age.
so its alot more common than we think, just people are ashamed to talk about it.
my son was too scared his wee sister would get his toys it turned out! so once i started "looking after them" until he pee'd, problem solved!
give her time, maybe have a wee clear tub of wrapped toys (i used matchbox toys from his own collection lol) in the bathroom to give her a "suprise" each time she goes (wether she pee's or not) and it will happen eventually that she has an accident on the loo for you to praise again!.
good luck xx
Last edited by annemarie482; 24-Jan-12 at 11:11.
Everyone is a genius,
but if you judge a fish
on its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.....
1K.Orger
If you make an issue of this Dadie. Then it will end up like World War 3. Leave the potty around, but not in direct view. If she senses, your not agitated about it, she just might use it. Of her own accord. Don't worry. It will solve its self.
Last edited by shazzap; 24-Jan-12 at 11:17.
You don't have to be mad to know me but it helps.
.Orger
im going through same "problem" with my youngest, thommy will be 4 in march. back in september he was quite happily going off and peeing in the toilet for a couple of weeks, then he stopped again, and isnt showing any interest. he knows and tells me when hes peeing but by then its too late to get him to the bathroom. im not worried about it tho, hes the youngest of 5 so ive been there done that!! lol he will do it when hes ready. am doing the putting him in pants during the day, potty easily available,9pullups for nursery and bed) so it will come in time. have to laugh at times tho, with his rather off putting statement of "i have to use my hands to poo!!!!" ewww but its not as bad as it sounds, just that he clutches his hands together when putting in (or out) the effort!! lol
.Orger
Giving little one much change for his little efforts may make her see that it is a good thing. Ignore the potty thing completely - when she realises Ewen is getting praise for it maybe she will try a little harder.As horrible as it sounds embarrassment does work - you may find as soon as she starts nursery she will feel a baby compared to the other kids and start pottying...
1K.Orger
She is at nursery!....i am nearly tied to the house while she is there just waiting for "the phonecall" to go and change her.
Its a bit horrible as I love going though to Toddlers with Euan on a Tue and Thur in the Baptist Church....but cant relax while there now.
She did it fine 90% of the time when 2......I just dont know what to try now.
And she did it on the lead up to Christmas too...
.Orger
The nursery have to change her, they will tell you they don't, but they do. Contact the care commission, or if you wish drop me a PM and I'll talk through the issues with you.
The nursery will quote all sorts of regulations, but it is a requirement that they provide proper care of your child and that includes changing nappies! I have had 2 children with exactly this issue, and both resolved in the same way. nursery did what they have to do, change the child's nappy.
1K.Orger
Oh Dadie - I feel for you - i HATE potty training and im rubbish at it. I faff about with pull ups and panties for ages. You would think i would be more confident and flipping capable after having five children but im not. The thing that was suggested to me was when they have an accident dont have any conversation with her, no eye contact, no discussion, take her change her clothes and then when she uses the potty/toilet make a BIG fuss. The other thing I am finding with Fianna is that she doesnt want to be a "big" girl. she likes being the wee one and so saying "are you going to be a big girl and use the potty/toilet" doesnt work. She quite likes being a clever girl though so we use that. The most important thing is that you dont get too stressed about it and dont lt the nursery wind you up. If Nick is right then they should be changing your wee one. Are they really phoning you to do it? What if you were at work and couldnt drop everything. Thats not right = they shouldnt do that. but chin up girl she wont be still in nappies when she is a teenager im sure
.Orger
My sister is a manager of a nursery and she informs me that they can change the children legally and should do so promptly as part of their duty of care...
New Member
I personally don't think the Nursery staff should be expected to change a childs nappy, they are there as part of a childs early education, not a potty trainer, I think if a child is not potty trained then they are not mentally ready to start nursery, I struggled with my son when potty training him, but it is my responsibility not the Nurseries, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to clean up after him, people nowadays want everyone else to do things for them, personally as a parent it is my responsibilty.
.Orger
Fortunately catherine251 in this instance the powers that be disagree with you.
A child can very easily be "mentally ready" whatever that may mean to attend nursery without also being potty trained. The right to an education is not, fortunately, predicated on ones ability to control bladder or bowel function.
The advice I have passed on to Dadie is as follows:
The nursery have a duty to provide appropriate care for your child, that includes changing nappies if required.
Many nursery staff seem to have been told by their unions that to change a nappy needs 2 members of staff present.
That is contrary to the recomendations and advice of the Care Inspectorate who I have just spoken to. They advise that a single member of staff is all that is required, and indeed is far better for the dignity of the child (after all even if you yourself needed help with toiletting would you also want another member of staff just watching!)
The best course of action is to simply speak to the School/Nursery, explain to them that they have a duty under :
The Children (Scotland) Act 1995
The Act puts children first. Each child has the right to:
- be treated as an individual;
- form and express views on matters affecting him or her; and
- be protected from all forms of abuse, neglect or exploitation.
If they still insist that you need to be available to go to nursery and deal with it yourself ask to make an official complaint. That will go in the first instance to the School and the council, but if required the Care Inspectorate can get involved.
If you need more information the Care Inspectorate website is good:
http://www.scswis.com/
and the inspectors are very approachable.
http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Publicati.../05/16141823/0 has the details of the provisions of the national care standards early education and childcare up to the age of 16.
New Member
Nick Noble I am not disagreeing with the powers that be, what I am saying is that Nursery Teachers have enough to do with trying to educate a child without having to change Nappies, that is the parents job, I personally would never put any of my children to Nursery without being Toilet trained, partly to do with the upset factor it can cause them, and also because I would not expect the Nursery Teacher to clean up after my child, I know that some children have medical reasons that they are not toilet trained, that is a different thing altogether, I am only giving my personal opinion.
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