The guide to wife translations

[Kingetter]

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

[Whitewater]

Kingetter, you must have the same wife as me.

[Kingetter]

Kingetter, you must have the same wife as me.

maybe you've got my old one - I passed her on thru Exchange & Mart

[Whitewater]

Ah Ha!! That explains a lot.

[cuddlepop]

Now,now boys you cant tar us all with the same brush.There are some of us girls out there who mean exactly what they say:On the tin:its just you haven't done the course yet.

[Kingetter]

Now,now boys you cant tar us all with the same brush.There are some of us girls out there who mean exactly what they say:On the tin:its just you haven't done the course yet.

"Been there, done that, got the Tee Shirt", all before THE TIN was invented

[trinkie]

WELL DONE GIRLS !!
I think the plan is working - Looks like we've got them flummoxed !

Keep going.

[Kingetter]

WELL DONE GIRLS !!
I think the plan is working - Looks like we've got them flummoxed !

Keep going.

Ha! Eve did that to Adam in that garden didn't she? And the world's been confushed since!

[Billy Boy]

Finding perfect men

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

[Bingobabe]

It,s a hard graft being a woman us woman has to employ translaters for our husbands to understand us properly.

[Billy Boy]

to be happy with a man,you must understand him a lot and love him a little
to be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

[canuck]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Kaishowing]

Husband Says: What a horrible post to publish!! How can you be so far from reality?
Husband Means: Bang on the money!! You don't really expect me to comment when the wife's a member here too, do you? LOL

[canuck]

Ha! Eve did that to Adam in that garden didn't she? And the world's been confushed since!

I think that we still have a ban on religious posting.

[Kingetter]

I think that we still have a ban on religious posting.

Um! I don't think they'd heard of religion. Perhaps you can apply your thought to any here who think Admin is God? (Or maybe the other feller).

[canuck]

The steam continues to rebuild.

[Kingetter]

It,s a hard graft being a woman us woman has to employ translaters for our husbands to understand us properly.

and husbands use interpreters?

[Billy Boy]

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

[Billy Boy]

DEFINITIONS BY GENDER

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

[Ricco]

Kingetter, you must have the same wife as me.

And me, mate. Nice one!