Is Bullying Something That Should Be Accepted ?

[vintagepower3]

Ive recenty come to know someone who i am beginning to become close friends with from the thurso area. But yet they are the most opinionated, hypocritical, judgemental, narrow minded, negative, miserable person ive ever stumbled across. But through all that there is something about them, they may be all those things but she is actually a very nice person. Ive asked her in the nicest possible way why she is like that and she simply says its down to the way she has been treated by people. People are always laughing at her because of the way she dresses, the music she likes, the lack of friends she has. Now i know her pretty well by now and i know she isnt the type of person who would start an argument with someone. She doesnt seem to have given the people who verbally bully her any reason to do so. Im just beginning to wonder if bullying people based on the way they look & live their own lives is considered acceptable. I know some people may seem different on the outside but all they really want is to be accepted like everybody else regardless of their religious beliefs, disabilitys, fashion sense, taste in music or what they look like. I think if people like my friend were given half the chance then it would come as a surprise to people how nice they can be. But if this is how people are been treated for the simplest of things then its no wonder they choose to be so negative.

[NickInTheNorth]

It is totally unacceptable.

However there is a lot of it happening within society for all sorts of reasons. If your friend can cope with all the negativity I applaud her. To my mind there are the sheep, the small minded, narrow minded bigots who expect everyone to conform to their idea of normal, or acceptable.

Then there are people who accept that everyone should be free to lead their own life, in their own way. There should be one limiting factor on that freedom, nothing the individual does should cause harm or annoyance to others. So yes play whatever music you want - but make sure it is you hearing it, and not all the neighbors. Wear what you want - but if that is nothing - do it at home, or away from other peoples view.

Long live freedom, and down with the bigots that would have us all living like clones...

[pmcd]

Bulling is never acceptable. Bullies are small and weak people who attempt to make you do things their way. Whether by word, fist, or worse, the coercion of others is vile.

Anyone seeking to belittle another human being has already belittled themselves.

[Torvaig]

Well done that woman who at least lives her life according to her own standards and beliefs which is more than many people do. Here's hoping she can throw off the mantle of pettiness and nastiness that people direct at her and at least begin to believe that all humanity is not such as what she has met in life so far.

I hope that she will meet more people like vintagepower3 who takes her at face value. Every time I read something like this it makes me look at myself again and little by little I am throwing off the snide and comtemptuous feelings that can creep in from time to time if I am not on the alert.

You seem to have an honest friend there, vintagepower3.

[Torvaig]

"Long live freedom, and down with the bigots that would have us all living like clones..." well said sir.

[RecQuery]

One thing I noticed is that bullying or attempted bullying has a lot more impact the younger you are, when I was younger say less that 20 in age I wanted to fit in but I when I got to 20 and every year since, I actively don't want to fit in. Of course that could vary, it's just my experience. I know lots of people who still want to fit in.

[george1234]

when i was in high school back in wales i never got bullied, then in 06 i got put into wick high school, from there on till 08 i was bullied really bad (punching-boys throwing GLASS bottles at me on the bus home),, i asked the head to do something about it.. and as usual he never!! i was that sad i felt like ending my own life! .... in the end i just walked out of school.. at the age of 14... and then the head is on the phone asking where i was even social workers arrived at the door... i was too scared to step foot into the school... im now 16.. have met a wonderful guy, im now engaged and living my life to the full!! i now feel that what i did (leaving school) was the best decision i ever made...

bullying is unacceptable behavior..

[Bazeye]

Ive recenty come to know someone who i am beginning to become close friends with from the thurso area. But yet they are the most opinionated, hypocritical, judgemental, narrow minded, negative, miserable person ive ever stumbled across. But through all that there is something about them, they may be all those things but she is actually a very nice person. Ive asked her in the nicest possible way why she is like that and she simply says its down to the way she has been treated by people. People are always laughing at her because of the way she dresses, the music she likes, the lack of friends she has. Now i know her pretty well by now and i know she isnt the type of person who would start an argument with someone. She doesnt seem to have given the people who verbally bully her any reason to do so. Im just beginning to wonder if bullying people based on the way they look & live their own lives is considered acceptable. I know some people may seem different on the outside but all they really want is to be accepted like everybody else regardless of their religious beliefs, disabilitys, fashion sense, taste in music or what they look like. I think if people like my friend were given half the chance then it would come as a surprise to people how nice they can be. But if this is how people are been treated for the simplest of things then its no wonder they choose to be so negative.

Is your friend a ginger goth?

[Sparrow]

Bulling is never acceptable, plenty of them in Caithness. Small minded folk, not the minority but the majority. Never underestimate the minority they will overcome in the end.

[vintagepower3]

No My Friend Is Not A Ginger Goth. I Never Described Her Physical Appearence, I Was Referring To The Kind Of People Bully.

[oldmarine]

Ive recenty come to know someone who i am beginning to become close friends with from the thurso area. But yet they are the most opinionated, hypocritical, judgemental, narrow minded, negative, miserable person ive ever stumbled across. But through all that there is something about them, they may be all those things but she is actually a very nice person. Ive asked her in the nicest possible way why she is like that and she simply says its down to the way she has been treated by people. People are always laughing at her because of the way she dresses, the music she likes, the lack of friends she has. Now i know her pretty well by now and i know she isnt the type of person who would start an argument with someone. She doesnt seem to have given the people who verbally bully her any reason to do so. Im just beginning to wonder if bullying people based on the way they look & live their own lives is considered acceptable. I know some people may seem different on the outside but all they really want is to be accepted like everybody else regardless of their religious beliefs, disabilitys, fashion sense, taste in music or what they look like. I think if people like my friend were given half the chance then it would come as a surprise to people how nice they can be. But if this is how people are been treated for the simplest of things then its no wonder they choose to be so negative.

Totally unacceptable! From what you have written this person has many personal problems. Perhaps there is a way you can reach out to this person to help her find herself. I believe she needs a true friend who can help her overcome her problems. You may be the one.

[Leanne]

Some people are just toxic personalities and don't even realise it. There is one person I know that is so negative about everything I try to avoid her at all costs. It could be a learned behaviour from how she has seen her parents treating people - in a similar way to how men learn how to treat women from their own father (and not always in the right way). The problem with toxic people is if you try and help them with their behaviour they will see it as a personal insult so you will get nowhere There are a couple of books on the subject (can you tell how much toxic people in my life have affected me) that are really good.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Over...9161572&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Toxic-Workpl...9161582&sr=8-1

I've found you cannot change people if they don't want to be changed, and as nice as you think the person is underneath it all, they will drag you down with them. They are never good for your own mental health and will suck you dry. Steer clear

[vintagepower3]

Leanne as much as i appriciate you opinion and input on the matter i wont be staying clear. Im not about to just stop been friends with someone because others suggest they are toxic, to me someone who could be considered toxic is a person who takes delight in destroying relationships, laughing at other peoples problems and trying to make them worse or simply cares about nothing. Thats what i consider toxic. Somone who has gone through so much hardship and abuse that they retreat into themselves and simply has negative views on people should not be slapped with that label. Im not trying to change her for a minute, i can understand why she is the way she is, if she changes her mind with help from someone else who is a positive influence on her then ill be pleased. I doubt it will be me. Im simply there for her if she needs me.

[Torvaig]

I read it that Leanne was meaning the people who turned her friend to the way she is, rather than the friend herself?
Maybe Leanne can clarify.....

[oldmarine]

vintagepower: Well stated. You sound like a true friend

[Leanne]

Vintagepower - I speak from my own experience. You sound like a good friend, please remember that friendship is a two way street. You may help this person but try not to get involved in the actual negativity for your own sake. Be there for her, but try and steer the conversation away from any negativity - hopefully this will break the cycle. At the end of the day it is your decision as to whether you are going to stick by the person - and I commend you for it. My only advice I can give though is that the negativity can rub off on you - watch your own behaviour and try to stay positive yourself. It's very easy to get swept into the negativity - it's hard to tell someone that their views are toxic, but being negative doesn't help anyone's mental health. You could try and turn the negatives into positives - find good things about situations viewed as negative.

Again, I commend you for your friendship - it is an exhausting business

And by toxic - I do not mean that they are a bad person, just that their behaviour is toxic and detrimental to others. They do not realise they are being this way and that is half of the problem. They believe that their views are correct, and to them they are, but they get so involved in the negativity of the situation they cannot find a way out of it. You can help in that way - find positives in situations so your friend learns that it is nice to be positive.

[vintagepower3]

If someone has had a lifetime of trouble then i think they are bound to be this way. I dont blame them, i blame the people who abuse them, they find it as a source of amusement making other people feel like there is nothing to live for, or i blame the situations they were raised in like if their parents divorce. Things like that effect individual people in different ways. Some may not care, some may self destruct inside. Many things i dont think they have a choice in. I dont think for a minute someone would willingly be this way, for example i think the world is a pretty terrible place full of all manners of evil, i believe there is more evil than good, but what little good there is makes me happy. So im not a negative person but i can understand why people can become that way like my friend. Bullying someone is never a good thing, but i do wonder what would happen if it went to far and they caused that person to take their own life. That happens a lot in this day and age, teenagers taking their own lives because of bullying. Would the bully then feel responsible ? I dont think so, im sure they wouldnt care in the slightest