News has reached me that Christmas (as we now know it) has been cancelled for this year.
Without being at all flippant, and in fact supporting the notion of a true Christmas, I have to reveal that my correspondent has brought this message from "The Big Man" himself.
"Dear Brethren/Customers,
It has been brought to my attention that delivery services throughout the UK have been badly affected by adverse weather conditions. This has led to a situation where some people are in doubt as to whether their loved ones will receive their "statutory gift value" presents in time for Christmas.
When I first sacrificed my Son for the sins of the human race, I had high hopes that his day of birth would go down in History as a celebration of what is really important in life. As time went on and we moved into the commercial era, I lowered my sights and accepted that Kindles, Laptops and the usual range of high calorie foods and alcoholic beverages were the new meaning of Christmas.
Since the Courier companies have been unable to guarantee the delivery of these items, I feel it is only fair for me to cancel this year's Christmas in order that many are not disappointed in having to accept infinite redemption, through the love of our Lord Jesus Christ, as a poor substitute for plastic and flashing lights.
Merry Cashmas!!
The Big Man"
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