Originally Posted by
Gleber2
A fair first, Canuck. The sentiment beautiful and the rhyme fine. However the metre is not always right. In line one 'souls' and 'song are accented which is not right. Insert 'soft' betwee the two words and the line then scans. Line six starts with an accent. 'Life anew' would scan. On first look that's all I would suggest. The are a couple of more clumsy lines which skirt the boundaries of Iambic pentameter but can't make up my mind if they are right or wrong. Keep up the good work!!!
On Family.
I walked so long alone throughout this life,
Until my son was born before my eyes,
And with his birth, for me and my dear wife,
Time was dictated by his infant cries.
And when two years had passed as if on wings,
My second son arrived to bless my home,
We had no time to waste on other things,
I had no longer a desire to roam.
My life was full. I could not ask for more,
But then the sweetest little girl was born,
Who stole my heart and taught me to adore,
And made me love the life I once had scorned.
My family now complete, I am content,
Regretting not the way my life was spent.
A father's sentiment in answer to your mother's feelings, Canuck