View Full Version : Worst Joke Ever...
This is what we'd expect from caithness.org I reckon
3 pieces of string outside a bar plotting their way of getting in.
First piece of string walks into the bar...
Barman - "We don't serve pieces of string, get the hell out!"
Second piece tries...
Barman - "I just told your little mate, NO STRING! Get out!!"
Third piece ruffles up his 'hai'r and makes a few loops round himself...
Barman - "Don't tell me you're another piece of string?!!"
String 3 - "No, I'm afraid not."
Must of heard that when i was about ten has to be the worst one yet lol
Definitely a bad joke but still made me laugh. :lol:
knightofeth
17-Mar-06, 18:16
That was quite good - does anyone else want to share their "worst" joke?
2 fish in a tank and one says - " Ho de ye ken hoo tae drive thas thing?"
Sorry I have been teaching little "Wans" in falkirk and the accent has pooluted my mind!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FFFFSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH
footie chick
17-Mar-06, 18:26
whats a bees favourite book?
Bridget Drones diary
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 18:38
Did you hear about the fire at the campsite?
It was intense!!!
A man cuts his foot quite badly whilst on the beach, a couple of days later it's very sore and inflamed so he decides to go to the hospital. On the way there he steps into the road and the same foot gets run over by a truck. He staggers into the casualty department and an Australian student doctor starts to examine his foot; after much deliberation the doctor says "Strewth Mate, what you've got there is a Pusfilledflattyfoot!"
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 19:32
Mummy, Mummy...can I wear a bra, now i'm sixteen?
Shut up Albert!!!!
Two peanuts walk into a rowdy bar. One was assaulted. how bads that lol
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
[lol] [lol] [lol]
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really, really heavy."
[lol] :lol: :lol: :evil
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 19:51
Two cowboys are standing in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range!!
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated Spirits.
[lol] [lol]
How does bob marley like his doughnuts
Wi Jammin!
Lol! Great bad jokes! Hee hee!!
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:08
Knock Knock!!
Whos there?
Biggish!!
Biggish who?
Sorry no Change!!....lol[lol]
What did one frog say to the other?
'Time's sure fun when you're having flies!'
A man is in bed with his wife when he hears a rat-a-tat-tat on the front door. He rolls over, looks at the clock and sees that it's three o'clock in the morning. "What idiot would be knocking at the door at this hour?" thinks the man, and he rolls over and tries to go back to sleep.
After a few minutes, there's a louder knock on the door. "Aren't you going to see who it is?" asks his wife, so the man drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door to find a stranger standing outside.
"Eh mate," says the stranger, "Can you give us a push?"
"No! Get lost! It's three in the morning. I was sleeping," says the man and shuts the door.
He goes back to bed and tells his wife what happened. She says, "Remember that night when we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick up the kids from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get him to help us? What would have happened if he'd told us to 'get lost'?"
So the man gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, "Hey. Do you still want a push?"
A voice cries out, "Yes please, mate."
So, still being unable to see the stranger the man shouts, "Where are you?"
"I'm over here on the swings."
knock knock
whos there?
yule
yule who?
yule never guess lol
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:20
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs and sitting on your doorstep?
Matt!!!
what do you call a sheep with no legs ?
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:26
what do you call a sheep with no legs ?A cloud!!....lol
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:28
Whats invisible and smalls like carrots?
Rabbit farts!!!!
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 21:39
wHATS RED & INVISIBLE? NO TOMATOES. I hate that 1
what do ye call a stag with no eyes?
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:43
wHATS RED & INVISIBLE? NO TOMATOES. I hate that 1
what do ye call a stag with no eyes?No I deer!!!!...lol
What do you call a man with a spade on his head???
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:46
What do you call a man with a spade on his head???Doug...I know all these, I must get out more...lol[para]
Ok, A man with a scorray on his head??
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 21:54
Ok, A man with a scorray on his head??Cliff.....
What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barred wire fence?
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 21:57
How many Doureay Nuclear scientists to screw in a lightbulb?
What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barred wire fence?
An udder catastrophe?
How many Doureay Nuclear scientists to screw in a lightbulb?
Who knows they are all being retrained!!
An udder catastrophy?
....udder destruction
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 22:05
A.Why should they? they all glow in the dark anyway[lol] [lol]
What does a tartan chicken lay?
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 22:11
What does a tartan chicken lay?
A.Eggs,? by
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 22:12
What does a tartan chicken lay?
A.Eggs,? by any chance
A.Eggs,? by any chance
Aye, Scotch Eggs
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 22:16
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?[lol]
2little2late
17-Mar-06, 22:30
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?[lol]
Five
one to read the script, one to direct, one to produce, one to edit and one to play the part.
Don't no why dont u in LIGHTEN us lol.
willowbankbear
17-Mar-06, 23:20
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?[lol]
A.Only one,They dont like to share the spotlight[smirk]
Cedric Farthsbottom III
17-Mar-06, 23:23
knock knock
whos there?
yule
yule who?
yule never guess lol
Good bad joke krieve:lol: :lol:
Guy wakes up in the middle o' the night and hears,"pitter,patter,pitter,pattter,whoo-whoo!!!!"
Thinks he's imagining things,so falls back asleep.
Suddenly,"pitter,patter,pitter,patter,whoo-whoo!!!!!!"
Guy cannae take it any longer so goes down stairs.
Again,"pitter,patter,pitter,patter,whoo-whoo!!!!!!!"
Guy goes into the living room and there's a wee moose running across the HOT radiator and blowing in his paws saying,"whoo-whoo!!!!!!!"
2little2late
17-Mar-06, 23:25
Good bad joke krieve:lol: :lol:
Guy wakes up in the middle o' the night and hears,"pitter,patter,pitter,pattter,whoo-whoo!!!!"
Thinks he's imagining things,so falls back asleep.
Suddenly,"pitter,patter,pitter,patter,whoo-whoo!!!!!!"
Guy cannae take it any longer so goes down stairs.
Again,"pitter,patter,pitter,patter,whoo-whoo!!!!!!!"
Guy goes into the living room and there's a wee moose running across the HOT radiator and blowing in his paws saying,"whoo-whoo!!!!!!!"
Definite contender for worst joke ever. Don't think it's even worth a lol.
Cedric Farthsbottom III
17-Mar-06, 23:30
Definite contender for worst joke ever. Don't think it's even worth a lol.
Thats what the thread is all about ma jokemeister!!!!!:lol: :lol:
2little2late
17-Mar-06, 23:32
Thats what the thread is all about ma jokemeister!!!!!:lol: :lol:
Exactly. Definite contender though. I'm that good at jokes, can't think of a rubbish one. [lol]
connieb19
17-Mar-06, 23:33
Did you hear about the magician, he was driving down the road and turned into a driveway!!!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a wolf?
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 00:14
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a wolf?
Ah don't know,Angela......wit de ye get?
Ah don't know,Angela......wit de ye get?
Frostbite:p
What building has the most stories?
What building has the most stories?
libary ?..........
libary ?..........
clap..clap icebox...library it is[lol]
What flowers do you always wear?
What flowers do you always wear?
tulips.......
tulips.......
two lips [lol] ........round of applause again icebox.....
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 00:29
Whats green and eats nuts?:lol:
2little2late
18-Mar-06, 00:31
Whats green and eats nuts?:lol:
My envious wife.
Whats green and eats nuts?:lol:
no you got me on that one .
whats black white black white black white rolling down a hill ?
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 00:35
My envious wife.
:lol: :lol: :lol: ........BRILLIANT.........not the right answer.....but ye know what......I'll say spot on jokmeister!!!!!!!!:lol:
2little2late
18-Mar-06, 00:37
whats black white black white black white rolling down a hill ?
Either a nun or a (gay) penguin.
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 00:38
whats black white black white black white rolling down a hill ?
Julie Andrews singing her wee heart heart oot in the Sound o' Music who suddenly tripped over a daisy!!!!!!!!:lol: :lol:
# This 'joke' must be done in the coloquial #
A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Chinese man all end up in the South American rain forest as a result of a 'plane crash.
Obliviously the Scot takes charge and assigns the other camp duties to his fellow survivors.
He decides that he will be in charge of making a shelter, the Englishman will be charged with ensuring the fire is always burning and the Chinaman will have to forage for food.
After two days, they have shelter, the fire is burning and there is a good stock of wood, however the China man has not appeared back.
The Scot and the Englishman decide they must try and find their fellow survivor.
After two days searching, they are reaching the end of their tether, then
from behind a tree, the China man springs and shouts "Surprise"
Yeah, you probably had to be there.
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 01:01
# This 'joke' must be done in the coloquial #
A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Chinese man all end up in the South American rain forest as a result of a 'plane crash.
Obliviously the Scot takes charge and assigns the other camp duties to his fellow survivors.
He decides that he will be in charge of making a shelter, the Englishman will be charged with ensuring the fire is always burning and the Chinaman will have to forage for food.
After two days, they have shelter, the fire is burning and there is a good stock of wood, however the China man has not appeared back.
The Scot and the Englishman decide they must try and find their fellow survivor.
After two days searching, they are reaching the end of their tether, then
from behind a tree, the China man springs and shouts "Surprise"
Yeah, you probably had to be there.
Noo tiptop if ye said the Chinese guy said"Supplies"..................oh aye its the worst joke thread......Oh tiptop:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
connieb19
18-Mar-06, 01:03
Definately the worst joke!!....lol[lol] [lol]
whats black white black white black white rolling down a hill ?
your gone without leaving the answer.....:(
pultneytooner
18-Mar-06, 01:14
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
connieb19
18-Mar-06, 01:15
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.because seven ate nine!!!
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 01:24
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
connieb19
18-Mar-06, 01:26
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?2?.........
pultneytooner
18-Mar-06, 01:28
How many ears did Davy Crockett have? I know this one but go for it willobankbear.
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 01:30
3. A right ear, A left ear & a wild frontier
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 01:48
3. A right ear, A left ear & a wild frontier
Good one Willowbankbear!!!!!:lol: :lol:
How many ears does Spock fae Star Trek have?
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 01:56
Good one Willowbankbear!!!!!:lol: :lol:
How many ears does Spock fae Star Trek have?
3 Cedric Im
pultneytooner
18-Mar-06, 01:59
A turkey was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the turkey right out of the tree.
Moral of the Story: Bull############ might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 02:00
E LIE this was edited due to users worries I was gona get banned. Sorry to disappoint folks, pms if ye want tho
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 02:01
What did the leper say to the Hooker?
Keep the tip[lol]
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 02:10
w3hat do elephants use as a vibrator?
a python with parkinsons disease
why did cinderella get chucked oot of Disneyland?
She was caught sitting on pinnochios face,screaming LIE LIE LIE
Note to Cedric.............through past experience of jokes through caithness org.
If these jokes by Willowbankbear,the master of jokes on the org. ,is still here in the morning I will eat my hat!!!!!!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 02:14
Surely yer offended sir???[lol]
Don`t be , Always look on the bright side of life:p
Cedric Farthsbottom III
18-Mar-06, 02:21
Surely yer offended sir???[lol]
Don`t be , Always look on the bright side of life:p
Never offended,especially by your good selfs humour!!!!!:lol: Always look on the bright side o' life is ma motto!!!!!!:lol: Just remembered that i posted a similar joke on the org. at around this time one night and it was REMOVED!!!!!!......we can both wait and see!!!!!
My god. I can't believe my one awful joke has spawned so many bad ones.
Mind you, a couple on the first page had me in stitches.
A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"
The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."
The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar. Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey.
Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.
The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."
This one is actually really funny
A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog crap just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of crap, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."
The big guy punches him in the mouth
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 02:56
This one is actually really funny
A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog crap just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of crap, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."
The big guy punches him in the mouth
That should be on GrantyGs thread man, thaeres nothing wrong with that at all, in fact it was good
Did you hear about the man who found a trumpet growing in his garden?
He had to
wait for it
root it oot.
that is Mrs G's favourite joke :o
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 03:13
Right thread you are on Golach sir[lol] , That was really poor sir, you must admit it eh?
An old man goes to see the doctor.
"it's about my bowel movements..." says the old man.
"Are they loose?" asks the doctor.
"No" says the old man.
"Are you constipated then?" asks the doctor.
"No" says the old man, "Regular as clockwork, that's me!" he continues. "You can set your watch by it....eight o'clock every morning without fail."
"So what's the problem?" asks the doctor.
"I don't wake up till nine!"
What is a ghosts favourite ride?
A rollerghoster.[lol] [lol] [lol]
How do you put Pikachu into a Bus ?
Pokemon.[lol] :lol: :lol:
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.:lol: [lol] [para]
What did one traffic light say to the other?
Don't look I'm changing.[lol] [lol]
What's yellow and sniffs?
A banana with the 'flu.[lol] [lol]
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 03:22
A man goes before the judge ,caught for speeding. The judge says`What will ye take,30 days or 30pounds?
`I think Ill take the money` says the man
Did you hear about the irishmans inventions ?
A waterproof tea-bag
Unsinkable Submarine
Helicopter Ejector Seats
Solar Powered Torch [lol] [lol] [lol]
How do you confuse a irish man?
You put two shovels against the wall and you tell him to take his pick.
[lol] :lol: :lol:
willowbankbear
18-Mar-06, 03:30
Mother-Why are ye home from school so early son?
Son-I was the only one who could answer a question.
Mother-Oh really, What was it?
Son-who threw the rubber at the Headmaster:confused:
What happened to the irish man who was ironing the curtains?
He fell out the window.[lol] [lol]
How would you know the irish man on an oil rig ?
He would be the one throwing bread to the helicopters.:lol: :lol:
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts.[lol] :lol: :o
whats green and invisable?
That cabbage!
whats red and sits in the corner?
naughty fire engine
2
2 penguins walk into a sweet shop, and the guy behind the counter says we have a biscuit named after you!
What Goeff and Alan said the penguins
knock knock
whos there?
nunya
nunya who?
nunya business lol
I have one my friend told me.
Have you heard about the magical tractor? It went round the corner and turned into a field.
One I'm sure you've all heard.
How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
You poke him on...
Two snowmen in a field.
One turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?"
Powered by vBulletin® Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.