Confidence.

[cuddlepop]

i've been up since 5am trying to convince my daughter that she'll be fine today when she sits her hospitality exam.

Thankfully I've confinced her to go and try she wasnt wanting too.:(My daughter got a B for her prelium but doesnt believe in herself.


I'm a confident person are you.?

How do you get confident if your not?:confused

[balto]

im not really confident atall, if the situation is something new, the nerves hit really bad, even say phones calls i have to make just dread it. but if its round people i know no bother atall.

[cuddlepop]

im not really confident atall, if the situation is something new, the nerves hit really bad, even say phones calls i have to make just dread it. but if its round people i know no bother atall.

When I've got to face a situation thats "uncomfortable" I just tell myself its not the end of the world if I dont get it right.:Razz
I've usually got something nice to look forward to after.Not saying it works for everyone but it does me.

My brother drank as did my mother to "calm her nerves" but that doesnt work.Thankfully my brother has been sober for 3 years and holds down a chefing job which is stressfull.
To cope with his stress , he's on medication which is the downside to his sobriety.The medication doesnt give him any significant side effects and we're all a lot happier around him.:)

[balto]

When I've got to face a situation thats "uncomfortable" I just tell myself its not the end of the world if I dont get it right.:Razz
I've usually got something nice to look forward to after.Not saying it works for everyone but it does me.

My brother drank as did my mother to "calm her nerves" but that doesnt work.Thankfully my brother has been sober for 3 years and holds down a chefing job which is stressfull.
To cope with his stress , he's on medication which is the downside to his sobriety.The medication doesnt give him any significant side effects and we're all a lot happier around him.:)
i think so many people feel the need to drink just to beable to deal with everyday situations. well done to your brother.

[cuddlepop]

i think so many people feel the need to drink just to beable to deal with everyday situations. well done to your brother.

Thanks Balto.
He's only now realising what he's missed.:~(

[honey]

im quite an unconfident person, but i put on a "front" of being more confident when i moved to Glasgow. And it seems to have paid of, i feel more confident now.

i still have days where i do worry about what others think etc, but i try to tell myself its not important.

[cuddlepop]

I think maybe its a bigger problem than we realise and that maybe a majority of teenagers now arent as confident as we were at that age.

I know I was given responsibility from an early age so maybe you just get confident thay way.:confused

[Vistravi]

Now i think i'm quite confident. I feel more confident and happy in my body since i went down to a size 10 from a size 14 a couple of years ago. When i lost the weight i found i enjoyed wearing a mini skirt out(as long as i had my leggings or tights on) instead of hiding in trousers all the time. I even enjoyed wearing some of my trousers which i know make me look better than others do and my partner certainly apprecaites the view:lol:
At school like your daughter cuddlepop i wasn't confident and becuase i wasn't i got bullied and was considered a easy target as i didn't say anything back. I was lucky though as if i ever doubted i'd fail something my mum and esp my dad always told me to just do my best. They always knew i was brighter than i gave myself credit and my mum recently told me that i was always clever and she knew i would go far when i was giving her advice on how to tackle a situation with one of my brothers.
I'm the type of person that if ive got an issue with someone i'll deal with it face to face. At school i didn't have the confidence to do that. But when i left school and went to college and had the choice when i was 17 and half when i lost my dad(and my mum for a couple of years) to sink or swim, i chose swim and became stronger and my confidence grew as i knew i could do anything and face anything. Now i don't let anyone harress or bully me as i did at school. I'm now the person that will put the bully down for picking on someone, anyone for whatever reason.
I think low confidence isn't a age thing as my mum has things i knew she'd pass and do well on but she never thought so till she proved herself wrong.
One of my brothers in is teens has low confidence and doubts himself.
I think one of the best ways to beat any low confidence you or your child has is to tell them or yourself that they/you can do anything they/you put their/your mind to. And to try before you give up.
This is what i tell children in my care when i'm working in a nursery when the child feels they can't do something and it's what i'll be telling my own kids when they come along.

[teenybash]

I think confidance levels go up and down..eg; the more we do a thing the more confidant we are.......the less we do, confidance falls and we have to rebuild it again by 'doing.' Does that make sense?:confused
I remember as a child being encouraged and often heard. Now you have done it once, you can do it again and then some more and before I knew it I had the confidance to continue.

[Invisible]

im not really confident atall, if the situation is something new, the nerves hit really bad, even say phones calls i have to make just dread it. but if its round people i know no bother atall.

Im exactly like Balto. I have to say i've gained confidence in the last 3 years, which I thank my college lecturer for helping me. Before I would only wear clothing I know that my but now I wear what the heck I like. Telephone calls I have to say are something I don't enjoy doing.

To answer the question how do you gain more confidence - as a musician play infront of the mirror (don't think that the audience are naked, trust me it didn't work!) - as a person speak to people more, set realistic goals, don't let setbacks get you down.

[cuddlepop]

Well today was a disaster just like she thought it would be.

from the start it went wrong.

The teacher moved her work station and when my daughter asked to swap places with someone the reply was..."you'll do it anyway"
The auxillary turned up bang on 10am when the exam actually started.
Things like melting chocolate in microwave which her teacher allows,this one didnt.
The end result was that the Kofta was inedible quote unquote teacher.That was thrown in the bin.No idea what happend to the fish starter but her Roulade was beautiful.

Needless to say she's "well gutted" .:~(

Confidence comes from praise,something some teachers forget.:mad:

[Vistravi]

Well today was a disaster just like she thought it would be.

from the start it went wrong.

The teacher moved her work station and when my daughter asked to swap places with someone the reply was..."you'll do it anyway"
The auxillary turned up bang on 10am when the exam actually started.
Things like melting chocolate in microwave which her teacher allows,this one didnt.
The end result was that the Kofta was inedible quote unquote teacher.That was thrown in the bin.No idea what happend to the fish starter but her Roulade was beautiful.

Needless to say she's "well gutted" .:~(

Confidence comes from praise,something some teachers forget.:mad:

Her teacher was wrong to move her from the work station she feels most comfortable with. That immediately ensures that your daughter won't feel as confident as she would be at her own workstation.
With teachers like that its nae wonder youre daughter has such low confidence.

[cuddlepop]

Her teacher was wrong to move her from the work station she feels most comfortable with. That immediately ensures that your daughter won't feel as confident as she would be at her own workstation.
With teachers like that its nae wonder youre daughter has such low confidence.

I know and I'm trying hard not to think it was deliberate as we had to fight to have her included in the class in the first place think the phrase was ..."not up to it":roll:

[Vistravi]

I know and I'm trying hard not to think it was deliberate as we had to fight to have her included in the class in the first place think the phrase was ..."not up to it":roll:

Make a compliant about the teacher to the school and demand that she retakes her exam or her prelim is used as her final results. It'd be such a shame to fail when she got a b in her prelim. her b shows that she can do it:D

Be ruthless with the school and make it very clear that you will keep on harressing them untill they do something about it.

[honey]

Make a compliant about the teacher to the school and demand that she retakes her exam or her prelim is used as her final results. It'd be such a shame to fail when she got a b in her prelim. her b shows that she can do it:D

Be ruthless with the school and make it very clear that you will keep on harressing them untill they do something about it.

agreed!! thats really not fair at all. :~(

[cuddlepop]

Make a compliant about the teacher to the school and demand that she retakes her exam or her prelim is used as her final results. It'd be such a shame to fail when she got a b in her prelim. her b shows that she can do it:D

Be ruthless with the school and make it very clear that you will keep on harressing them untill they do something about it.

When your as nervous as my daughter and stress can bring on a panic attack she does not want to retake the exam.
I know she can do it and am so proud of her for trying.Fighting with the school is a total waste of time as we've found to our cost.:~(

Confidence I hope will come as she gathers life experiences and meets people with a positive attitude to her "differences".:D

[Vistravi]

When your as nervous as my daughter and stress can bring on a panic attack she does not want to retake the exam.
I know she can do it and am so proud of her for trying.Fighting with the school is a total waste of time as we've found to our cost.:~(

Confidence I hope will come as she gathers life experiences and meets people with a positive attitude to her "differences".:D

Hopefully she gets her prelim mark esp if you put in a hearing for it.

Is it the only school she can go to?

I know that in caithness you've got wick high or thurso high school and they'e not good schools. it was hopeless when i was there and from what i've heard from my mum its gotten way worse. Both schools are not schools i'd ever put my kids to so its a good thing that i'm never going to live in caithness ever again. Gave caithness 20 years of my life and thats all its getting.

[Gene Hunt]

I can sympathise with your daughter, I really struggled in my training as I was really under-confident, I used to have this poem on my wall and it helped me keep plugging away.

Don't Quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[ShelleyCowie]

I used to be very confident. I was a good size 8. Nice 'pins' etc etc. But when i got pregnant i really ballooned up. I had quite alot of fluid apparently. My stomach was massive. Once i had him i had no confidence at all.

I am still very un-confident. I tend to cover up, wear hoodies and that. But slowly i am going back to the person i used to be! :)

Confidence is such a hard thing to find! Especially when it comes to prelims/exams. On my Chemistry exam i wrote my name on it and that was it. :confused saying that i missed a year of school between 3rd and 4th year.

[cuddlepop]

Gene thats a very moving and thought provoking poem will print it out and show her.

Thanks.

I'm going to look into whether the learning centre here has confidence classes.:D

Where schooling is concerned on Skye you have one high school.:(

[squidge]

Another good idea is drama classes - not necessarily professional type classes but just a local drama group would help as well. Its a giggleand suddenly you will find you are enjoying being on the stage

And its important to realise that confidence doesnt come from the way you look, the size you are, the clothes you wear although all those help. Its from within and there are tricks that can be learnt. Practicing good eye contact and smiling are the two best tricks there are. A good firm handshake and being familiar with what's going to happen - at dinner say - cutlery etiquette, at an interview - preparation, at a meeting taking a few deep breaths and getting on with it.

Sometimes its justpart of who we are but sometimes it has to be learnt and developed. My 2nd eldest boy has always had it, his whole life . A confidene and a self belief which has eluded the older boy until recently when he found he is good at his work and popular with the girls:roll:. There can be down sides to having such unshakeable self confidence though. Sometimes there can be a tendency to arrogance which needs to be addressed or it can be quite unpleasant. Fortunately my confident boy seems to be better able to temper his arrogance the older he gets.They are both just lovely (most of the time lol)

[Rheghead]

I need a new boob job to give me the confidence I need to face the world.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Confident in some ways.Shy to start with.Then seem to enjoy myself.Nice boobs by the way Rhegs:lol::lol:

[Alice in Blunderland]

[quote=Vistravi;537254

I know that in caithness you've got wick high or thurso high school and they'e not good schools. it was hopeless when i was there and from what i've heard from my mum its gotten way worse. Both schools are not schools i'd ever put my kids to so its a good thing that i'm never going to live in caithness ever again. Gave caithness 20 years of my life and thats all its getting.[/quote]

Every school has its problems. :) Wick High school like many has down sides but it also has its ups. I have three children currently going through Wick High and the oldest has achieved excellent grades and is now awaiting her start in University later in the year.

CP this is terrible about your daughter and I also would urge you to contact the school and talk with them about what has happened. It just seems to have been one disaster from another with her and this will definatley have affected her performance. :( Good luck with this one and good on your daughter for at least staying and completing her exam this in itself was an achievement given the circumstances. :D

[cuddlepop]

The school in all honesty just like most of Highland secondarys are stuggling to accommodate our "different" kids.
Unless you have a child with "difficulties" its difficult to understand the constant disappointment that education in secondary schools bring for parents and children.:~(


We will inform the SQA directly of the exam conditions,enviroment and attitude of examiner.


Confidence in most children with autism has to be taught so hopefully we'll find a good "teacher".:D

[lelebo]

I do a fair bit of work with people lacking in cofidence - usually they come to me with a particular problem - ie an exam or some form of public speaking and I find coaching combined with a bit of hypnotherapy to be hugely beneficial.

[crayola]

I know that in caithness you've got wick high or thurso high school and they'e not good schools. it was hopeless when i was there and from what i've heard from my mum its gotten way worse. Both schools are not schools i'd ever put my kids to so its a good thing that i'm never going to live in caithness ever again.
Why the negativity? Thurso High was a good enough school when I was there. My friends and I made the most of the opportunities we were offered and we did well. People often complain that schools are bad when they didn't do well themselves. We all like to blame anyone but ourselves for our shortcomings.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the teachers at Thurso High School for what they did for me. They will mostly be retired now but I won't tell you who I am in case you remember me. :)

[kitty kat]

confidence is a very strangething indeed

everyone has something they wish to change be it a boob job ^^^
your height what clothes you wear etc that will make you happier and indeed confident you just need to look hard at why you dont feel all you should

be it a higher pair of shoes for your height, a smart suit that is slimming, a hair cut if you look confident you feel confident

it is really hard when its your child with no confidence ask her if there is anything she could do to the outside to lift the confidence inside because even the least confident people can feel better after a simple thing like a good hair cut.

im not a shallow person i do believe its what is inside that counts but school kids dont see the inside

good luck :D

[crayola]

I need a new boob job to give me the confidence I need to face the world.
That's one thing I still don't need, mine are still pert and firm and I could probably still make a living from them if I really wanted. :)

[Gene Hunt]

That's one thing I still don't need, mine are still pert and firm and I could probably still make a living from them if I really wanted. :)

Best. Post. Ever.

[crayola]

Best. Post. Ever.
Thank you. My aim is to please. :)

[Invisible]

All this talk has made me realise im not confident about my upper body. Aint been near a swimming pool in nearly 4 years now. talk about breast enlargments i need the opposite and im male!:lol:

[ShelleyCowie]

That's one thing I still don't need, mine are still pert and firm and I could probably still make a living from them if I really wanted. :)

See that just makes me jealous! Am 20 and after breast feeding. well they are not so firm now. But they are alot larger! :eek:

[Angel]

Maybe there is somewhere to go or some proffesional to talk to to give you confidence... just a thought... I am sure an orger or two could post something for you...

Angel

[Vistravi]

Maybe there is somewhere to go or some proffesional to talk to to give you confidence... just a thought... I am sure an orger or two could post something for you...

Angel

Would this work Angel? For some people it may do but myself i would'nt find this working for me. I believe that we gain confidence by doing things and feeling good at our accomplishments its how we teach our children when they're young to make them value themselves. Talking i doubt in my opinion would work for me. Mind you i talk to much and to everyone lol

[lelebo]

This is where coaching works - it helps you set goals and achieve them - developing your confidence over a period of time. A coach never tells you what to do - it is accepted that the person always knows what to do so it's actually very empowering. I've had good results with it (both being coached and as a a coach).

[ellimac]

[quote=crayola;538076]Why the negativity? Thurso High was a good enough school when I was there. My friends and I made the most of the opportunities we were offered and we did well. People often complain that schools are bad when they didn't do well themselves. We all like to blame anyone but ourselves for our shortcomings.


I have to agree with you there crayola, I went to Thurso High as did a lot of my friends and we all did very well........I have no complaints with my daughter going there either and she is doing well in her studies and I will certainly be putting my 2 younger daughters to there too..... :D

[Vistravi]

Why the negativity? Thurso High was a good enough school when I was there. My friends and I made the most of the opportunities we were offered and we did well. People often complain that schools are bad when they didn't do well themselves. We all like to blame anyone but ourselves for our shortcomings.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the teachers at Thurso High School for what they did for me. They will mostly be retired now but I won't tell you who I am in case you remember me. :)

The negativity of it crayola is well deserved to thurso high.
Two of my younger bros go there and the school is giving them a poor education. The school has given up on them. I hated that school but i made use of every opportunity that was available to me and was determined to do well for my sake and for the career i wanted to go into.
You can sing this schools praises if you want but the school in my opinion isn't worth any praise. The best day in that school for me was the day i left and went to college. The school is not equiped to help any student who has even minor difficulties. Like i said in a previous post i won't be gracing thurso high with my kids presence when they come along. They will be going to good schools and will have a better education than thurso high can provide.
We all have different opinions on this school and this is only my opinion and as i can't ever see myself ever coming back to caithness to live again its not something i will have to worry bout.

[sweetpea]

Confidence to me is a mix of 2 things -
Fancy words: Self -efficacy
Real World:Able to look after yourself, plan, budget, pay bills, cook a dinner etc

and

Optimism
Believing that everything will be ok even if you ain't got a clue what your doing!

[TBH]

I doubt anyone is truely confident in themselves, we all have our doubts, some just hide it better.

[sweetpea]

Life is one big stage after all. Fake it to make it eh.

[TBH]

Life is one big stage after all. Fake it to make it eh.You know it's the truth.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Confidence is gained with a little bit of time.Confidence was given to me by one of my teachers at High School.I was very shy.He was putting on a school play and he asked for volunteers.I was an okay drawer so I volunteered to help with the set design.A day before rehearsals we were all painting the set,listening to music.We were dancing away(Jim Royle stripping the wallpaper style),when the teacher came up to me and asked me to say a line from the play but in a monsters voice.I did,he liked it.I loved the play,I got some confidence.
Mr J passed away in January this year.Thank you sir.Sometimes teachers do make a difference.

[crayola]

The negativity of it crayola is well deserved to thurso high.
Two of my younger bros go there and the school is giving them a poor education. The school has given up on them. I hated that school but i made use of every opportunity that was available to me and was determined to do well for my sake and for the career i wanted to go into.
You can sing this schools praises if you want but the school in my opinion isn't worth any praise. The best day in that school for me was the day i left and went to college. The school is not equiped to help any student who has even minor difficulties. Like i said in a previous post i won't be gracing thurso high with my kids presence when they come along. They will be going to good schools and will have a better education than thurso high can provide.
We all have different opinions on this school and this is only my opinion and as i can't ever see myself ever coming back to caithness to live again its not something i will have to worry bout.I appreciate that you think the school is bad and that you didn't enjoy a good education but you haven't said why you think it's bad or why you hated it.

What did they do that was wrong and what could they do to make it better? Why do you say the school is giving your brothers a poor education?

I thought the school was pretty average by most measures these days.

Which high school would you want to send your kids to and why do you think it's better?

[Aaldtimer]

You can sing this schools praises if you want but the school in my opinion isn't worth any praise. The best day in that school for me was the day i left and went to college. The school is not equiped to help any student who has even minor difficulties. Like i said in a previous post i won't be gracing thurso high with my kids presence when they come along. They will be going to good schools and will have a better education than thurso high can provide.
We all have different opinions on this school and this is only my opinion and as i can't ever see myself ever coming back to caithness to live again its not something i will have to worry bout.


Just what era are you talking about Vistravi?
Sounds like Caithness is weel rid of you![disgust]

[crayola]

How charming. :roll: Let's give the girl a chance to state her case before lambasting her.

[Vistravi]

Just what era are you talking about Vistravi?
Sounds like Caithness is weel rid of you![disgust]

I lived in caithness for almost 21 years and that is enough time to give. I have no interest jus now in settling anywhere and want to live in many places before i find the right place to live in.
I always knew i did not want to stay in caithness for the whole of my life and 20 years was enough.


I appreciate that you think the school is bad and that you didn't enjoy a good education but you haven't said why you think it's bad or why you hated it.

What did they do that was wrong and what could they do to make it better? Why do you say the school is giving your brothers a poor education?

I thought the school was pretty average by most measures these days.

Which high school would you want to send your kids to and why do you think it's better?

Why does anyone not hate high school? I hated high school and there where only a few teens in my year worth knowing as most of them were two faced/arrogant etc. Shelley you're one of the good ones;)
The school like all the other average schools can't accommonade any child/teen who is not "normal". They can't help the ones that really need their help like my brothers. The school is happy with telling them their stupid and won't be able to do this or that. This means that they don't see the bright, brilliant spark behind the difficulties.
I don't know which one my kids will go to as when that chapter unfolds i'll be researching the schools and decided which one will be the best.

[cuddlepop]

Its been a week since my daughter sat her exam in hosptality and today was the first day back in the kitchen cooking off one of her dishes for Foods of the World.

The experience has seriously questioned her decision to make a career out of cooking.

It tasted wonderfull and I know she can cook,I just wish "confidence" could be "bought" and gift wrapped.:~(

[Gene Hunt]

Seems to me Cuddlepop that she has found some confidence already, she got back in the kitchen and can obviously stand the heat, I know that's an awful pun though ....... I'm sorry.

I struggled badly in training but I am perfectly competent now, maybe a bit of under confidence can be a good thing. I don't think anyone is really super confident at a young age, some are just better at faking it than others.

It just takes time, confidence is just knowing that you can shrug things off and keep going, you cant learn that unless you have taken a few hits.

[alex]

It's too late to help your daughter in her immediate situation now but for others in that situation I'd say that everyone is full of doubt about their abilities especially when we are all examined so much these days by those who think they are wiser than us.

What's worse is the enthusiasm with which it seems we watch people humiliate themselves in front of such examination (Talent, BB etc.) and judge their performances here on the Org or in the pub, the water dispenser, outside co-op or texting our friends.

For the many thousands who face formal examinations and tests each year to achieve genuine qualifications I offer my great respect and sympathy. I hated exams and regularly underperformed with the stress (both self-imposed and by the impression I felt of others expectations - including my own parents) but I learned eventually that the only opinion that really counted to me was my own.

In myself, I know when I've performed well or done a rubbish job and could have done better. As a judge I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be because I know me better than anyone. When I have done well and pleased myself, then I am truly happy and can walk tall among those who would drag me down.

Find a copy of that song "The Greatest Love of All" for a lyrical explanation of this philosophy. George Benson was the version I knew but there are others.

[cuddlepop]

Thank you Gene and Alex its tough being a mum but your both right.you've got to get the knocks to "stand the heat" of the kitchen and only time will give my daughter the chance to "get to know herself".

Will look out those lyrics,music is powefully theraputic :D

[Gene Hunt]

"Times Like These" by the Foo Fighters .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Juw-pDJPX5Y&feature=related

Positive Lyrics about the tough times in life. My daughter listens to this when she gets a bit hacked off with things.

[crayola]

I lived in caithness for almost 21 years and that is enough time to give. I have no interest jus now in settling anywhere and want to live in many places before i find the right place to live in.
I always knew i did not want to stay in caithness for the whole of my life and 20 years was enough.Vistravi, you don't have to apologise to anyone for leaving Caithness. But then I have to say that because you lasted three years longer than I did. :lol: I escaped when I was 17.


Why does anyone not hate high school? I hated high school and there where only a few teens in my year worth knowing as most of them were two faced/arrogant etc. Shelley you're one of the good ones;)
The school like all the other average schools can't accommonade any child/teen who is not "normal". They can't help the ones that really need their help like my brothers. The school is happy with telling them their stupid and won't be able to do this or that. This means that they don't see the bright, brilliant spark behind the difficulties.
I don't know which one my kids will go to as when that chapter unfolds i'll be researching the schools and decided which one will be the best.I liked high school for the first few years and I loved it for the last few. I made many friends some of whom I hope and expect will be friends for life. I'm sorry your experience wasn't good.

I'm intrigued by your comments about kids who need help. That's exactly what my parents and some of their friends used to say about Thurso High School! It was great for the bright ones but no good for most of the rest. I can't confirm whether there was much or indeed even any truth in the claim back then but it's interesting to hear it again after all these years.

Is there not a specialist unit for kids with special needs at the school? I thought I remembered a big song and dance about it when it opened a number of years ago.

Remember that the school your kids go to is mainly determined by where you live. The easiest way to get them into the school you want is to live in that school's catchment area. Some high schools don't have the best of reputations so make you you live in the right area when the time comes!