Bullying - What can we do.

[Tyke]

As a virgin to this forum I am amazed as to the response that you have all made. The real question for me is what can be done to stop this scurge on modern society.
The idea I have had is to "Name and Shame" the bullies. The school should have a display just inside the main entrance where photo's of these louts are displayed so that everyone is aware of who they are. When they modify their behaviour the picture could be taken down.
Maybe they should be made to wear bright yellow sashes for a week. Humilation would be good for them. A taste of their own medicine. Yellow would be a good colour, I am sure we all think that bullies are cowards.
It is time to protect the decent kids.

[crashbandicoot1979]

Firstly, teachers should make themselves approachable to children who are being bullied...make them aware that bullying will not be tolerated and that if they report the bullies to a teacher, action of some sort WILL be taken.

Naming and shaming them is a good idea. A lot of the problem is that other pupils are afraid of the bullies and hook up with them, thus becoming bullies themselves, simply because their afraid. By showing the bullies up in this way it gives the message that the bullies aren't "cool" and like you said, Tyke, it will give them a taste of their own medicine.

[paris]

Really good idea, may be you could suggest it to the school.

[Alice in Blunderland]

The words civil liberty,human rights and all that jargon come into mind.Not for the bullied... for the bully.....they seem to get lots of protection...more than the innocent victim at times

[Venture]

I dont think the school would agree to this one. Even though it is a great idea and one that I agree with. The majority of children in the school are aware of who the bullies are and to be honest I dont think it would even bother the culprits to be put on display like this, if anything they would probably love the attention. As far as bullies are concerned they should be punished appropiately and not rewarded as they are nowadays. Id like to know where the parents of these people are in all this. Shouldnt they at some point be made to answer for the way their children are behaving no matter who they are. How about making them accompany their child around the school for a period of time. Now wouldnt that be embarassing.

[Tyke]

I dont think the school would agree to this one. Even though it is a great idea and one that I agree with. The majority of children in the school are aware of who the bullies are and to be honest I dont think it would even bother the culprits to be put on display like this, if anything they would probably love the attention. As far as bullies are concerned they should be punished appropiately and not rewarded as they are nowadays. Id like to know where the parents of these people are in all this. Shouldnt they at some point be made to answer for the way their children are behaving no matter who they are. How about making them accompany their child around the school for a period of time. Now wouldnt that be embarassing.
Good idea about the parents being involved, but how could it be enforced, thses kids must be persuaded to learn respect for other people.

More ideas please. The more ammunition the better. I am hoping to see this particular Rector some time next week.

[rich62_uk]

One method our child's school uses is an internal suspension, the children hate it they must report to a named teacher in the morning who sets work for them which they do at a desk just outside the teachers office, they have all breaks there including a packed lunch, when they need the toilet they are taken and brought back by the teacher, any pupil caught talking to this child is on instant detention some children have been on this for up to a week its also a chance for the teacher to really talk to the child.
I must add though this school has a big problem with drugs and has no idea how to deal with it, apart from flapping their arms and waiting for it to go away, have you thought of going to the police and reporting it as a crime ? The parents may not listen to the school but they may sit up and listen if its the police.....Trish.

[unicorn]

I think once thinks start getting physical the only course of action is to report it to the police because whether they are young or not it is still an assault. If my child was sent to hospital after being attacked I would be straight to the police and the head of the education department.

[porshiepoo]

Hmmmmmmmm, naming & shaming. Good in theory but what about those kids that bully because of traumas they're going through themselves? Doesn't excuse what they're doing I know but it could make a situation much much worse for a bully that is being bullied themselves.
What about Boot camp? Children that are well known for being bullies could be sent off on one of the boot camps and parents could be involved too.

This is such a hard subject to rectify. Human nature makes us want to blame the bullies and not look any further than that, and thats completely understandable, but we've had this problem in schools (and workplaces etc) for many years now which suggests that all methods used so far are not alot of good. We need to get to the bottom of every school bullies problem before they leave the education system and take it with them into adult life.
Alot of the punishments used today may make the bully to frightened of the consequences to keep doing it, and some of them may stop doing it in schools but if the root cause is not dealt with then all we are doing is exchanging one problem for another problem later on in life.

I understand that not all bullies suffer themselves but I think the majority of the others suffer from parents who don't have time, or parents that find it easier to let them run riot than to teach them discipline.
Schools need to get actively involved in the re-education of bullies and their families (not just parents), not just naming and shaming and hoping it works.
Maybe we should instigate classes in school that deals with bullying, get the kids actively involved too in understanding it and teach the bullies themselves that there is help available (confidential help) to help them deal with any problems they may be having.

After all that, I still say Boot camp.

[porshiepoo]

Hmmmmmmmm, naming & shaming. Good in theory but what about those kids that bully because of traumas they're going through themselves? Doesn't excuse what they're doing I know but it could make a situation much much worse for a bully that is being bullied themselves.
What about Boot camp? Children that are well known for being bullies could be sent off on one of the boot camps and parents could be involved too.

This is such a hard subject to rectify. Human nature makes us want to blame the bullies and not look any further than that, and thats completely understandable, but we've had this problem in schools (and workplaces etc) for many years now which suggests that all methods used so far are not alot of good. We need to get to the bottom of every school bullies problem before they leave the education system and take it with them into adult life.
Alot of the punishments used today may make the bully to frightened of the consequences to keep doing it, and some of them may stop doing it in schools but if the root cause is not dealt with then all we are doing is exchanging one problem for another problem later on in life.

I understand that not all bullies suffer themselves but I think the majority of the others suffer from parents who don't have time, or parents that find it easier to let them run riot than to teach them discipline.
Schools need to get actively involved in the re-education of bullies and their families (not just parents), not just naming and shaming and hoping it works.
Maybe we should instigate classes in school that deals with bullying, get the kids actively involved too in understanding it and teach the bullies themselves that there is help available (confidential help) to help them deal with any problems they may be having.

After all that, I still say Boot camp.

[porshiepoo]

Hmmmmmmmm, naming & shaming. Good in theory but what about those kids that bully because of traumas they're going through themselves? Doesn't excuse what they're doing I know but it could make a situation much much worse for a bully that is being bullied themselves.
What about Boot camp? Children that are well known for being bullies could be sent off on one of the boot camps and parents could be involved too.

This is such a hard subject to rectify. Human nature makes us want to blame the bullies and not look any further than that, and thats completely understandable, but we've had this problem in schools (and workplaces etc) for many years now which suggests that all methods used so far are not alot of good. We need to get to the bottom of every school bullies problem before they leave the education system and take it with them into adult life.
Alot of the punishments used today may make the bully to frightened of the consequences to keep doing it, and some of them may stop doing it in schools but if the root cause is not dealt with then all we are doing is exchanging one problem for another problem later on in life.

I understand that not all bullies suffer themselves but I think the majority of the others suffer from parents who don't have time, or parents that find it easier to let them run riot than to teach them discipline.
Schools need to get actively involved in the re-education of bullies and their families (not just parents), not just naming and shaming and hoping it works.
Maybe we should instigate classes in school that deals with bullying, get the kids actively involved too in understanding it and teach the bullies themselves that there is help available (confidential help) to help them deal with any problems they may be having.

After all that, I still say Boot camp.

[porshiepoo]

Hmmmmmmmm, naming & shaming. Good in theory but what about those kids that bully because of traumas they're going through themselves? Doesn't excuse what they're doing I know but it could make a situation much much worse for a bully that is being bullied themselves.
What about Boot camp? Children that are well known for being bullies could be sent off on one of the boot camps and parents could be involved too.

This is such a hard subject to rectify. Human nature makes us want to blame the bullies and not look any further than that, and thats completely understandable, but we've had this problem in schools (and workplaces etc) for many years now which suggests that all methods used so far are not alot of good. We need to get to the bottom of every school bullies problem before they leave the education system and take it with them into adult life.
Alot of the punishments used today may make the bully to frightened of the consequences to keep doing it, and some of them may stop doing it in schools but if the root cause is not dealt with then all we are doing is exchanging one problem for another problem later on in life.

I understand that not all bullies suffer themselves but I think the majority of the others suffer from parents who don't have time, or parents that find it easier to let them run riot than to teach them discipline.
Schools need to get actively involved in the re-education of bullies and their families (not just parents), not just naming and shaming and hoping it works.
Maybe we should instigate classes in school that deals with bullying, get the kids actively involved too in understanding it and teach the bullies themselves that there is help available (confidential help) to help them deal with any problems they may be having.

After all that, I still say Boot camp.

[Lucy]

I think once thinks start getting physical the only course of action is to report it to the police because whether they are young or not it is still an assault. If my child was sent to hospital after being attacked I would be straight to the police and the head of the education department.

This is exactly what we did when my daughter was assaulted at the school and then again on her way home. The school at this stage did not even phone me to let me know what had happened, so i did not know what went on until my daughter got home. i became the parent from hell. i went straight to the police who then went to the school to try to help. i went to the school every morning to speak to the headmaster who was hopeless. i then threatened to sue the school for failing in the security of my child, failing to ensure that she was safe from harm while in their care and failing to provide an atmosphere condusive to learning. This spurred things on to the Area Education Authority who finally got it all sorted out for me. Keep a diary of what goes on and a camera and dictaphone handy as well. The schools do not like parents hassling them about their failures and if you threaten to sue and make it public it usually makes them think again. I think that bullies should be made to walk around attached (handcuffs spring to mind but probably not allowed) to an adult for a minimum of 1 week and should have a home curfew of 5pm. This should give plenty of time for child and adult to speak to each other and find out why they bully others.

[squidge]

i think there has to be a package of actions which deal with Bullies

Firstly there needs to be a culture within a school where the TEACHERS are in charge and EVERYONE knows that.

Secondly as parents we need to try to equip our children so they are not potential targets of bullies - now before anyone accuses me of saying that victims are responsible for being bullied that isnt what im saying. I am saying we need to give our kids thick enough skins to shrug off stupid taunts or to give as good as they get. We also need our children the knowledge that we support them - if someone hits you hot them back - if you get in trouble i will deal with it. There is a fine line between sticking up for oneself and being the instigator but somehow we have to be able to help our children do that. Giving them strategies to "scare off" the bullies - how to be threatening without being aggressive - eye contact and the "what are you gonna do about it" attitude doesnt go amiss. I remember my brother in law talking to his son about how to hold someone up against the wall and tell them what you will do to them if they dont leave you alone. These things might jsut help them to avoid being targeted

Thirdly we need to have a programme of measures and as parents be prepared to buy into them and not write them off - where the bullying isnt bad or is more "picking on or a fall out or disagreement" then ask the bully around for tea and a movie. Get the kids together and try to sort out the problem. You do need to be careful with this one and its no good if the bullying is well entrenched but it can work in certain instances - particularly where a bully's parents are willing to be involved.

The use of Prefects is also worth exploring - responsible fifth and sixth years who are there to make sure that wee ones dont get caught up in the bullying and to watch out for them.

Then i also think the internal suspension is a good idea - the blue card at WHS i understood was a general behaviour monitoring chart and i dont think i see its use in dealing with bullies specifically. Peer support schemes have been used to good effect in other schools - i dont see any reason why they wouldnt work int his case.

see here http://www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/peersupportreport.pdf

Thie thing is that unless youget the first bit right and you have a head teacher that is prepared to stand up and be counted then you are on a hiding to nothing. If the police have to be called to an assault that has been carried out then the school is failing in my opinion

[jay]

The Parents of the bullies also need to be educated,to many people take the attitude that their little angels can do no wrong, my daughter was attacked on the way to school many years ago by two other little girls, I phoned both mothers, one immediately apologised and assured me that it would be dealt with -the other took the attitude that her daughter would never do such a thing (her son verbally abused my daughter that afternoon for telling on his sister) - guess which child we didn't have any more trouble with!

[cuddlepop]

Usually the bully only stikes when they have an audience.How about isolation for them where possible.At intervels they have to be on there own,lunchtime etc.Dont know if it would work but it would be a bit like sending them to Coventary.
What doesnt work is making them hang about together,get to know one another.counsell them together....disaster:cry:

[Tyke]

Thansk for your comments. I do appreciate that lots of different factors go into making a bully, social and economic reasons, upbringing,etc, but at some point somebody has to try and sort things out.

[Tyke]

i think there has to be a package of actions which deal with Bullies

Firstly there needs to be a culture within a school where the TEACHERS are in charge and EVERYONE knows that.

Secondly as parents we need to try to equip our children so they are not potential targets of bullies - now before anyone accuses me of saying that victims are responsible for being bullied that isnt what im saying. I am saying we need to give our kids thick enough skins to shrug off stupid taunts or to give as good as they get. We also need our children the knowledge that we support them - if someone hits you hot them back - if you get in trouble i will deal with it. There is a fine line between sticking up for oneself and being the instigator but somehow we have to be able to help our children do that. Giving them strategies to "scare off" the bullies - how to be threatening without being aggressive - eye contact and the "what are you gonna do about it" attitude doesnt go amiss. I remember my brother in law talking to his son about how to hold someone up against the wall and tell them what you will do to them if they dont leave you alone. These things might jsut help them to avoid being targeted

Thirdly we need to have a programme of measures and as parents be prepared to buy into them and not write them off - where the bullying isnt bad or is more "picking on or a fall out or disagreement" then ask the bully around for tea and a movie. Get the kids together and try to sort out the problem. You do need to be careful with this one and its no good if the bullying is well entrenched but it can work in certain instances - particularly where a bully's parents are willing to be involved.

The use of Prefects is also worth exploring - responsible fifth and sixth years who are there to make sure that wee ones dont get caught up in the bullying and to watch out for them.

Then i also think the internal suspension is a good idea - the blue card at WHS i understood was a general behaviour monitoring chart and i dont think i see its use in dealing with bullies specifically. Peer support schemes have been used to good effect in other schools - i dont see any reason why they wouldnt work int his case.

see here http://www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/peersupportreport.pdf

Thie thing is that unless youget the first bit right and you have a head teacher that is prepared to stand up and be counted then you are on a hiding to nothing. If the police have to be called to an assault that has been carried out then the school is failing in my opinion
Thanks Squidge, brill comments and very helpful.Especially the one about prefects. It work at my old school, we couldn't get away with anything.

[cuddlepop]

The 6th year in our high school act as minders when a situation has been brought to there attention.Guidence usually trys to match up a bullied child with someone who's been there before.
How about a suggestion box for the kids in school.
:roll:

[cuddlepop]

Tkye.is your step daughter new to the school?
What we have discovered here is that some of the incomers are moving into the area and the kids have got there own agendaThe bullied may become the bullier because they get befriended by the bullies and have to act accordingly:roll: .This gets complicated,so hope you can keep up.The original kids,who have usually come up through primary ,stick together like clue ,so dont let anyone in :roll: The new kid feels isolated so any friend is better than none.The new kid tends to have a different cultural experience as they tend to come from bigger cities so there's big displacement issues there that need to be addressed before bad behaviour starts,:roll:
There wasnt the same movement of families when I was growing up or the single parent .Perhapse these are all issues that have to be addressed before we start blaming the bully.My child has been bullied so i'm not looking at the issue through rose coloured glasses:roll: