plasticjock
14-Jul-08, 06:48
OBITUARY
Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure on the cusp of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories, and just by helping people get jobs done without fanfare or foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense.
He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, fire is hot, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound fiscal policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable time-tested parenting strategies (the parents are in charge, not the kids), and it’s okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends, including body piercing, phonetic language teaching for kids, political correctness and "new maths.” But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-helps-only-one-person-it's-worth-doing" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking solicitors and lawyers and ‘financial advisors’.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools removed punishment policies and when universities turned into cesspools of debauchery and socialist propaganda.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a pupil but could not inform the parents when a female pupil was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a headmistress banning conkers due to over-zealous interpretation of health and safety regulations, and teachers suspended for reprimanding unruly pupils only worsened his condition.
Eventually, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became commercial contraband, churches fought amongst themselves, criminals received better treatment than victims, politicians and leaders lied brazenly, and judges stuck their noses into everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.
Finally, when a woman in the U.S, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee from a fast-food outlet was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding inane legislation such as those for supermarket banana curvature, and laws that determined that defending one’s home against burglars is no defence, and that killing by drink-driving warrants a smack on the wrist.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, My Rights and Ima Whinger and three nephews, Deception, Greed and Ignorance.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure on the cusp of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories, and just by helping people get jobs done without fanfare or foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense.
He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, fire is hot, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound fiscal policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable time-tested parenting strategies (the parents are in charge, not the kids), and it’s okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends, including body piercing, phonetic language teaching for kids, political correctness and "new maths.” But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-helps-only-one-person-it's-worth-doing" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking solicitors and lawyers and ‘financial advisors’.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools removed punishment policies and when universities turned into cesspools of debauchery and socialist propaganda.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a pupil but could not inform the parents when a female pupil was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a headmistress banning conkers due to over-zealous interpretation of health and safety regulations, and teachers suspended for reprimanding unruly pupils only worsened his condition.
Eventually, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became commercial contraband, churches fought amongst themselves, criminals received better treatment than victims, politicians and leaders lied brazenly, and judges stuck their noses into everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.
Finally, when a woman in the U.S, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee from a fast-food outlet was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding inane legislation such as those for supermarket banana curvature, and laws that determined that defending one’s home against burglars is no defence, and that killing by drink-driving warrants a smack on the wrist.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, My Rights and Ima Whinger and three nephews, Deception, Greed and Ignorance.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.