View Full Version : Baby sleep advice needed
My son is 16 months old and due to one thing and another has been sleeping in my bed for the last few months, two nights ago under my paediatrician's advice I decided to put him in his own cot in his own room, he refuses to lie down and has spent the last two nights sitting upright fighting sleep, he did not go to sleep until 5.20am this morning, has anybody any ideas?
My Health Visitor is coming to see us on Monday but I was looking for some advice in the interim as to why he is sitting up all night and just quietly looking around.
ciderally
19-Apr-08, 16:17
too quiet... put some soothing music in with him...worked for me and mine good luck xx
That's a good idea, I've had a look online and have found a nice baby light dream show to put on his cot
How about sitting in the room with him. Pat his back a bit if he sleeps on his tummy. Sing to him. It doesn't matter how off key you are or even what you sing. If rock is your thing then it likely works as well as Christmas Carols did with my kids. Even reading to him will help. It doesn't have to be anything more than the sound of your voice. Of course if he takes to being read to and wants favourite books you will become so sick of them you will want to bin them. Soon he will have them memorized and will pick up on every word you miss.
Good luck!
dunderheed
19-Apr-08, 16:46
warm milky drink usually worked for my two , along with the advice already given
dunderheed
19-Apr-08, 16:48
lightly laced with the teeniest smidge of brandy (my mothers advice)
percy toboggan
19-Apr-08, 17:17
perhaps a soft human voice storyteller on tape.
If he's content to sit there quietly taking it all in it suggests
a calm little chap.
I'd not give a tiny tot spirits of any kind...bad idea, and illegal.
A mobile on the ceiling to encourage him to lie down perhaps a better option before booze.
In my opinion its time to be tough and strong willed.Start as you mean to go on means routine everyday bedtime is the same time as well as breakfast,dinner and lunch.Your baby is old enough not to go to sleep at all during the day or at least cut it down to an hour depending on what you normally do.Get the baby into routine of bath ,milk ,pajamas and then bed.Make sure the baby is full up as hugary babys wake up during the night etc.Put the baby to the cot give the baby one story,or song whichever prefered by baby but only one time.No lights on at all at this time only an outside light shining in like a landing light .Give the baby goodnight kiss etc.Leave the room close the door and that s it.No soothing music,no anything as they may depend on this to sleep forever more.If the baby crys leave it to for a while unless its becoming desperate go in and see if baby is ok.If baby is ok dont pick up or take it outside the room into the bright light.Just check the nappy etc then put straight back to cot with no story or anything.It knows if it crys your going to come in and soothe it but you have to break the cycle.You have to do this for at least three days and it could be three days of pure hell but baby will get the message.Do it for your own sanity cause you cant continue like this its too hard on you.:~(
That's a good idea, I've had a look online and have found a nice baby light dream show to put on his cot
That settled my wee boy (hes 3 now). Only thing is, if your nearby you will have the tune in your head day and night.
Also, and I I know this is a classic line, a good routine works well. Sticking to it can be difficult but it does work. Bath, a drink, a story, whatever suits you and your little one. Hope your successful.
NickInTheNorth
19-Apr-08, 18:11
In my opinion its time to be tough and strong willed.Start as you mean to go on means routine everyday bedtime is the same time as well as breakfast,dinner and lunch.Your baby is old enough not to go to sleep at all during the day or at least cut it down to an hour depending on what you normally do.Get the baby into routine of bath ,milk ,pajamas and then bed.Make sure the baby is full up as hugary babys wake up during the night etc.Put the baby to the cot give the baby one story,or song whichever prefered by baby but only one time.No lights on at all at this time only an outside light shining in like a landing light .Give the baby goodnight kiss etc.Leave the room close the door and that s it.No soothing music,no anything as they may depend on this to sleep forever more.If the baby crys leave it to for a while unless its becoming desperate go in and see if baby is ok.If baby is ok dont pick up or take it outside the room into the bright light.Just check the nappy etc then put straight back to cot with no story or anything.It knows if it crys your going to come in and soothe it but you have to break the cycle.You have to do this for at least three days and it could be three days of pure hell but baby will get the message.Do it for your own sanity cause you cant continue like this its too hard on you.:~(
100% spot on. But I suspect that your excellent advice will gather a little negative comment.
Absolutely agree, good sound advice,
"Give the baby goodnight kiss etc.Leave the room close the door and that s it.No soothing music,no anything as they may depend on this to sleep forever more.If the baby crys leave it to for a while unless its becoming desperate go in and see if baby is ok."
This is not the case, I am a mum of three and have gone through the gammit of all bedtime issues. All my three ended up having a "Sookie Blanket" which was through there own choice. The youngest had the lightshow and eventually grew out of it. However as I said before routine is the best thing you can do.
we put a radio under the cot on low volumne with bass up full when baby fell asleep placed him in cot... never looked back...
there was no need to to say shush...baby's asleep...
Now he can fall asleep anywhere... even during rock concerts...
Angel...
After all that he doesn't seem too interested in the light show, the brandy is completely out of the question too! :eek: He's been in bed for a while now but still just sitting there, this is the bit that bothers me, it's not that he is crying etc... Generally he is a very contented wee soul, he never grumbles.
flowertot
19-Apr-08, 22:26
In my opinion its time to be tough and strong willed.Start as you mean to go on means routine everyday bedtime is the same time as well as breakfast,dinner and lunch.Your baby is old enough not to go to sleep at all during the day or at least cut it down to an hour depending on what you normally do.Get the baby into routine of bath ,milk ,pajamas and then bed.Make sure the baby is full up as hugary babys wake up during the night etc.Put the baby to the cot give the baby one story,or song whichever prefered by baby but only one time.No lights on at all at this time only an outside light shining in like a landing light .Give the baby goodnight kiss etc.Leave the room close the door and that s it.No soothing music,no anything as they may depend on this to sleep forever more.If the baby crys leave it to for a while unless its becoming desperate go in and see if baby is ok.If baby is ok dont pick up or take it outside the room into the bright light.Just check the nappy etc then put straight back to cot with no story or anything.It knows if it crys your going to come in and soothe it but you have to break the cycle.You have to do this for at least three days and it could be three days of pure hell but baby will get the message.Do it for your own sanity cause you cant continue like this its too hard on you.:~(
Why bother with landing light if you then close the door!! I don't know many adults who demand soothing music after bedtime :confused
Generally he is a very contented wee soul, he never grumbles.
Thats good, because then if he does cry at least you know it's for a reason then.
You'll have probably thought of this but is the room too stimulating - streetlight coming in or traffice noise, maybe your sitting room is underneath and he can hear you talking or the telly.
Maybe his tummy is too full, our wee one sometimes has a broken sleep if she's been a gannet too late in the day.
Was he sleeping through in your bed? Maybe he's a bit colder on his own, or needs a big teddy to cuddle. Try putting a t shirt in that you've worn so he thinks your near. Maybe he needs to hear the sound of your breathing too, try lying near the cot til he drops off.
Then again it might just be a phase :rolleyes: They have their own agenda sometimes :)
YummyMummy
20-Apr-08, 11:59
100% spot on. But I suspect that your excellent advice will gather a little negative comment.
I wholeheartedly agree with this advice. I had similar problems with my two. To break the cycle you need to be firm, as being a busy parent with no sleep is a nightmare and not sustainable.
Bed time is sleep time. Be firm, don't lift your baby, but gently lie them down again, tuck them in and say "night night". Even if you have to keep it up for a few days, it'll be worth it! Lavendar essential oil (just 1 or 2 drops) on the sheet or blanket (not too near the baby) works a treat.
I remember being so distressed with my baby's wailing, I had to go and wash the kitchen floor on my hands and knees to give me something to do to resist the temptation to go in. Left him for 5 mins, then 10 mins, and so on. Cracked it in 2 days! Was well worth it.
Good luck!
percy toboggan
20-Apr-08, 12:24
It's a pleasure to share a forum with so many sensible folk.
mums angels
20-Apr-08, 12:39
In my opinion its time to be tough and strong willed.Start as you mean to go on means routine everyday bedtime is the same time as well as breakfast,dinner and lunch.Your baby is old enough not to go to sleep at all during the day or at least cut it down to an hour depending on what you normally do.Get the baby into routine of bath ,milk ,pajamas and then bed.Make sure the baby is full up as hugary babys wake up during the night etc.Put the baby to the cot give the baby one story,or song whichever prefered by baby but only one time.No lights on at all at this time only an outside light shining in like a landing light .Give the baby goodnight kiss etc.Leave the room close the door and that s it.No soothing music,no anything as they may depend on this to sleep forever more.If the baby crys leave it to for a while unless its becoming desperate go in and see if baby is ok.If baby is ok dont pick up or take it outside the room into the bright light.Just check the nappy etc then put straight back to cot with no story or anything.It knows if it crys your going to come in and soothe it but you have to break the cycle.You have to do this for at least three days and it could be three days of pure hell but baby will get the message.Do it for your own sanity cause you cant continue like this its too hard on you.:~(
agree 100% hardest is the first few days but as i always say perservere for 7 days and you'll crack them over anything :lol:
The landing light is for if your reading the story at bedtime.There are adults/teenagers that have continued to depend on music /light and blankies to get to sleep.In my opinion and thats all it is these things are not required or necessary to get a baby to sleep.I myself have three children and i know that my advice works for me i have no bedtime problems and thought i should pass it on to someone seeking advice in the hope that it may help.Its not mean to leave a baby to cry for a little while or to turn lights of etc.This is a healthy way to encourage good sleeping habits.All my kids cried for the first five mins or so and then got tired of it and slept and sleep well now too.Lets not forget we all have different ways of bringing up our kids and not one of us has the answer to everything .I myself have a problem with one of my kids whose eating habits make me despair, i think i have found the solution now but its been three years of hell at breakfast,lunch and dinner.Julia has done the right thing seeking some advice and i hope she finds the solution she is looking for.:lol:
Thanks everybody for all your advice, things were a bit better last night, he finally slumped over into a deep sleep! Well try again tonight. The light dreamshow thingy didn't make much difference, I'm going to borrow a camera and monitor tonight so I can see exactly what he is up without continually disturbing him. He's obviously content to be there as he isn't crying. One plus though is that he has stopped his night time feeds.
There are adults/teenagers that have continued to depend on music /light and blankies to get to sleep.
I'm a prime example of this, I don't have a blankie though :eek:
hi
and what does the paediatrition know?!!
hes only a baby. my son started sleeping with me when he was nearly four as there had been something in the family that upset him.everyone said not to let him but maybe we both needed a cuddle,he grew out of it after a few months,i missed him though!!hes twelve now and is getting to the stage that we dont do much together now.
we seem to live in a time where all babies are expected to sleep all night from early on,in their own rooms and often they are with childminders all day(not having a go at working mums)they are bound to want to see mum.and dont get me started on the people that go on holiday and leave their kids in kids clubs all day!!
ooops,didnt mean to rant!
you're his mum,and i'm sure you're doing the best you can so if the wee man is happy with you and if its ok with you,dont feel pushed into him having to be in his own bed and room all night just because thats what people expect!:Razz
I'm a prime example of this, I don't have a blankie though :eek:
I have two teenagers who had "sookie blankets" and grew out of them years ago. They both got blankets for their baptisms and both wanted them for "sookie blankets". My youngest took a shine to teddy bear blanket which his aunty gave him, it was duly cut up into loads of pieces which were lost one by one. He was devestated but then he got attached to my mums fleecy jacket which was also cut up and almost all pieces lost, we are down to the last two. I know that he will eventually grow out of it and if it makes him feel comforted when I am not there then so be it.
lady penelope
20-Apr-08, 22:34
Is your son an active, busy toddler? All my boys were kept busy through the day, lots of fresh air so by the time bedtime came they were ready for sleep. If your child is quite happy in bed awake, then I would just relax and go with the flow. If he likes a sleep through the day, don't stop this as this can disturb the night sleeping pattern, my two youngest still had a nap in the afternoon when they were in primary 1!:roll:
He does not have a strict nap routine, some days he will nap some days he may not.
The main reason he's been ejected from my bed as he was getting so clingy at night I could not sleep without having to holding him, I really didn't mind but it's hard to sleep with a dead arm every night LOL, that and I could not put him to bed before I went to bed as he would just cry, my 7 year old was getting a tad jealous and rightly so that her wee brother was getting to stay up late with me while she had to go to bed.
He settled down very quickly tonight so hopefully all is going to plan ;)
Boozeburglar
20-Apr-08, 23:17
Just my opinion, but he is so young maybe different rules apply. I don't think it is odd for a baby that age to need to be close, too early for total seclusion for some at that age, imho.
:)
Hi julia, A bit late I know, I had the same problem with my youngest, When we put him down, he would be different though, mine would cry and cry and cry and cry. Attention was what he was seeking and for a while thats what he got. When we finally made a stand he cried for a solid 2 hours before he went to sleep, this went on for about 5 nights. He finally gave in and now as soon as he gets put in his cot, he turns over and goes straight to sleep. Kids are clever remember that, by him sitting there all quiet is because, he is getting the reaction required from you, ie you poppin in to check on him and wondering why is he doing that. You got to remember that he was use to a lovely cuddly mum in a nice warm bed, now he has got a room on his own and no nice mum to sleep with. Persistence is the key, I know its hard but you will be fine
:)
we put both in their own rooms at 3mnths. sam was easy but ben would cry. and i would leave him unless he was really distressed. since your boy dosent cry, and just sits up. my sugestuion would to be wear him out during the day. keep him very active and going. then give him a soothing bath at night right before bed. then have a cuddle, story, song.. or what ever ever else bedtime routine you have and settle him down and leave him.
once he gets into his bedtime routine and hes tired, then he will settle.
it will just take time and patience. he is use to sleeping with you, and its a hard habbit to break.
good luck though!
Last night was a complete success, he slept right through until 7.15am, having the camera was great, I felt a lot more relaxed being able to see him without disturbing him. He slept like a log! Thanks everybody :D
Hi
im getting driven demented at bedtime at the moment we have got someone who wont keep her little backside in her bed and has to be taken back to bed at least 10 times before she will stay there.
This has been going on for the last few weeks beforehand she would go to bed and stay and sleep but now its a nightly battle ....
I dont know if its to do with the new baby due in 6ish weeks or if its just a battle of wills but either way it needs sorted fast!
We do put her to bed and if she reappears at the living room door and we say its bedtime and take her back to bed next time she is just taken back to bed...same for other visits after a while we end up with one of us lying in wait to catch her outside her door and put her back to bed ....
what can we try next?
As Supernanny (http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Getting-Toddlers-to-Stay-in-Bed.aspx) says,
The first time she gets up, remind her that it’s bedtime, lead her back to bed, give her a kiss and a cuddle, and leave the bedroom.
The second time, do the same but use a firmer voice and make the kiss and cuddle brief.
The third and any subsequent times, say nothing at all as you lead her back to bed, tuck her in, and leave the room. This is the hard part, and it’s very tempting to give a cuddle. Remember that a gentle, consistent approach will convince your child that you’re there for her, but that you insist she sleeps in their own bed.
we do that but its not working at the moment!
when my wee one wouldnt sleep, we got a couple of nightlights, removed any teddy or doll that may look scary in the dark(there were a few) also bought lavendar spray and told her it was magical and fairies watch over her
it worked :D
she is not quite 2 yet (not till june) so hasnt got the concept of fairies .....
Im getting tempted to sew velcro on her jammie bottoms and sheets though!
Its seems to me that no child is the same - every child needs something different and its just trial and error Julia til you crack it seems like you have done
With my four it was very varied
Child one slept well in the cot but see move him into a bed and he would not stay in it. We used a stair gate on his door as we didnt want him falling down the stairs but he soon realised that repeated shaking not only ruined the paintwork but brought the gate crashing down. we ended up back with baby monitors and a piece of 3x2 wedged under his door handle on the outside so he couldnt open the door. soon as he realised he couldnt get out he stopped trying and started going straight to sleep and we could take it off when we went to bed. Still had to sellotape his nappy on though:roll:
Baby 2 slept like a little angel as long as we used black out blinds - see one chink of light and there was NO WAY he would shut his eyes. Thought i had it sorted til
Baby 3 who would NOT sleep. After many nights of repeatedly leaving him to cry we ended up doing the co sleeping thing until he was about 6 when he decided he wasnt going to sleep with us any more. HE would fall asleep in ourr bed and we would put him to his bed when we went to sleep but then he would wake about 3am and come through into our bed again.
Baby 4 is a little treasure, goes to bed about 7pm generally awake and gets himself off to sleep wakes about 7am talks for a bit before coming into our bed for a bottle - heaven. See though - you try to get him to fall asleep in your arms if you are out somewhere - not a chance !!!
Maybe i'll get it right with baby number five;)
_awayoflife_
21-Apr-08, 15:51
well my daughter is 15 month we had to do controlled crying with her and it work amazingly withing 2 nights she was goin to bed awake and sleeping the whole night it was amazing for us but was really had to let her cry but worth it.
she is not quite 2 yet (not till june) so hasnt got the concept of fairies .....
Im getting tempted to sew velcro on her jammie bottoms and sheets though!
Once you are finished with the velcro can i borrow what you have left because my one is exactly the same (only kiddin about the velcro):lol:
we have tried so many things and now im so stuck not to mention exhausted. I have 2 kids n its the older one thats the problem with not staying in bed!
been told so many different tricks which seem to work for everyone else but not us! now i just pray fr the day when bedtime comes and morning arrives without the pitter patter of tiny feet on our bedroom floor! maybe oneday:)
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