View Full Version : child abuse.
danc1ngwitch
01-Mar-08, 13:28
Child abuse, how hard is it to lay the blame where the blame and shame belongs.
Hard very very hard.
Stuck in a shell, unable to imagine what is would be like to be normal.
What is normal?
Who has the right to take one persons life in this way?
Not my sisters boyfriend/husband.
Not an uncle.
No one has the right to hurt others in an abusive way.
It will take my life no more, I'm taking it back....
no-one has the right to hurt another person in such a awful way, why do people think they have the right.
danc1ngwitch
01-Mar-08, 13:43
Thing is if we name and shame the abusers from our past and present, then its discrimination.
Why do they get protected by sites like this?
If i put its name in here then maybe alot will see it afore it gets closed.
Thing is i couldna bare to even type its name and that is the truth.
No more shall i be silenced, for being silenced is their strengh.
Now it will be weakened wea my cry...
Know this, keeping quiet is not the best thing to do.
what we should have is megans law across here name and shame them, i know they are trying sarahs law in england but dont think it goes far enough to stop these monster, i would take great pleasure in writing the beasts name but cant because they need protection or so the law says
why should such animals be protected by silence ?
they take away everything that makes you you. your trust, your dignity, your confidence,your innocence, your ability to have relationships with anyone & most of all your ability to live a normal life.
Well said again:)These people should not be protected, it makes me wonder what sort of people the people are that protect them!
think i should be safe to say this as i am not mentioning any names but the monster in question goes to wick everyday as he was driven out of thurso, so be warned.!!!
danc1ngwitch
01-Mar-08, 13:58
ur right, all my life i never felt i was beautiful, i never ever liked myself.
My ability to have relationships was tainted by flash backs. ( still av em very bad )
I av spoke up, even tho some wanted me to still keep the silence.
The people who ask others to be quiet is protecting themseves, they do not care for the shame because they have to work within the area.
They do not care of the life that u have existed.
I av not lived, i av become sensitive to people and men i do not trust.
I av 6 kids and i protect them because i know the signs.
I am not sayin its just men that abuse, in my case it was.
I would suggest if a member of ur family says they are abused or was abused, do not call them a liar, stand by them. Just stand by them or if u don't it brings back more feelings of low self worth.
To my family, none of u stood by me, u left me alone in this and i will thrive... I will not bear this shame, its not mine.... its not mine.
[quote=danc1ngwitch;349483]ur right, all my life i never felt i was beautiful, i never ever liked myself.
My ability to have relationships was tainted by flash backs. ( still av em very bad )
I av spoke up, even tho some wanted me to still keep the silence.
The people who ask others to be quiet is protecting themseves, they do not care for the shame because they have to work within the area.
They do not care of the life that u have existed.
I av not lived, i av become sensitive to people and men i do not trust.
I av 6 kids and i protect them because i know the signs.
I am not sayin its just men that abuse, in my case it was.
I would suggest if a member of ur family says they are abused or was abused, do not call them a liar, stand by them. Just stand by them or if u don't it brings back more feelings of low self worth.
To my family, none of u stood by me, u left me alone in this and i will thrive... I will not bear this shame, its not mine.... its not mine.[/quote
Sounds like you are using what happened to you, to make your family safe....You have not let it ruin your life fully and for that you have to be commended....It is something i think makes people stronger knowing that no-one will ever do to you or anyone you love and care for ever again....know how that feels....Take care and keep going on...love life and your family to the max.....;)
Unfortunately this looks like another thread that is going into the gutter and seems some of the same posters are involved. I do not object to the topic which must in certain situations and forums must be aired but by the dreadful language used in some of the posts. It is bringing the posters down to almost the level of those they criticise and some they criticise with no evidence or knowledge I suspect.
rockchick
01-Mar-08, 16:29
Oh god, what a thread! Something that needs to be spoken about...yet, you can't. Not openly.
I just want to respond to the comment "if someone says their abused, don't call them a liar...stand by them" and also that "I have 6 kids, I'm going to protect them"
Bit of background: I was abused by a family member from when I was 11 to 13. I finally got hold of some proof, and got up enough nerve to tell my mother what had been happening. When she didn't (couldn't) believe me, it devastated me, and I ended up running away to get away from the abuse.
Now that I'm grown up and a mother myself, you'd think I'd make sure nothing EVER happened like that to my kids, wouldn't you? Well, it's not so easy. A "situation" arose where my 5-year-old daughter innocently let on that a lad (12 or 13, a friend of her brother staying over) was playing "mommies and daddies" with her, while we (her parents) were in the same house!
I was flabbergasted when I was presented with this reality. It was SO hard to believe it...you just don't WANT to believe it...yet, five year olds don't lie about such things!!! My brain just kept going around in circles.
Two things came about from this: 1, it's not always possible to protect our children 100%...what matters is how you deal with what happens to you. 2. it's bl**dy difficult to accept an awful reality...I sorta understand now why my mom couldn't. She was going through enormous stress, a terrible divorce, and she just couldn't cope. And, from going to counselling etc. I understand now that it's not that uncommon to not be believed. (it's not just me - yayyy)
Which leaves me to my final point - if you HAVE been abused in the past, even if it's in the far past, please please please get some counselling! There's a place in Inverness that does it, and they only charge you what you can afford to pay. You will be amazed at the difference it can make to your life.
I also meant to add that if using upper case is 'shouting' then I am cetain that prolonged use of very bold black type is equal, if not greater, shouting and should not be tolerated on this forum.
Boozeburglar
01-Mar-08, 16:45
It is bringing the posters down to almost the level of those they criticise and some they criticise with no evidence or knowledge I suspect.
Anonymously having a go at adults on a message board is near the same as abusing vulnerable kids?
I also meant to add that if using upper case is 'shouting' then I am cetain that prolonged use of very bold black type is equal, if not greater, shouting and should not be tolerated on this forum.
REALLY? I THINK YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE DISTRACTED FROM A SERIOUS ISSUE BY A TOTAL TRIVIALITY.
If you had any idea at all about how abuse victims feel you would understand why they might 'shout', or even just use bold type or italics to emphasise their posts.
danc1ngwitch
01-Mar-08, 18:22
I also meant to add that if using upper case is 'shouting' then I am cetain that prolonged use of very bold black type is equal, if not greater, shouting and should not be tolerated on this forum.
sorry to offend u and one in such a delicate nature.:roll:
maybe bold is shouting.[disgust]
build a bridge
I hope those who have been abused can find peace, to me it doesn't matter if you type in bold, capitals or upside down.
If posting helps then do it.
I think your GP would be able to refer you someone for counselling, the abuser took so much of your life already, don't let them take any more.
Take care
XX
I hope those who have been abused can find peace, to me it doesn't matter if you type in bold, capitals or upside down.
If posting helps then do it.
I think your GP would be able to refer you someone for counselling, the abuser took so much of your life already, don't let them take any more.
Take care
XX
Councelling is ok but i always think i would feel like a patient on a conveyor belt...
They get paid to listen,do they really care or is it a case of they do while you are there but they forget until the next session.....Sometimes opening up about it in public is easier, as there should be no judgments just help where it is needed, be it from a good listener or another victim....
but yes it is a good alternative if you cant reach out to friends or family....
Unfortunately this looks like another thread that is going into the gutter and seems some of the same posters are involved. I do not object to the topic which must in certain situations and forums must be aired but by the dreadful language used in some of the posts. It is bringing the posters down to almost the level of those they criticise and some they criticise with no evidence or knowledge I suspect.
sorry Cattach youve lost me, how is this thread going to the gutter? wheres the dreadful language? i thought we werent allowed to use bad language in our posts.
rockchick
02-Mar-08, 04:27
Councelling is ok but i always think i would feel like a patient on a conveyor belt...
They get paid to listen,do they really care or is it a case of they do while you are there but they forget until the next session.....Sometimes opening up about it in public is easier, as there should be no judgments just help where it is needed, be it from a good listener or another victim....
but yes it is a good alternative if you cant reach out to friends or family....
While you do build up a rapport and a level of trust with a counsellor, it's not relevant whether or not they "care". It's whether they can help you to accept what's happened to you, deal with it, and help you to heal - that's what's important.
Sometimes it's better than using friends or family in that you don't have to worry about the counsellor's feelings when you choose what you say; you can just focus on yourself. And since the counsellor isn't personally involved, you don't have to worry about their "baggage" or opinion. I can't recommend it enough.
While you do build up a rapport and a level of trust with a counsellor, it's not relevant whether or not they "care". It's whether they can help you to accept what's happened to you, deal with it, and help you to heal - that's what's important.
Sometimes it's better than using friends or family in that you don't have to worry about the counsellor's feelings when you choose what you say; you can just focus on yourself. And since the counsellor isn't personally involved, you don't have to worry about their "baggage" or opinion. I can't recommend it enough.
Yes but if you read it i did say I WOULD FEEL, not anyone else...I have seen them in the past and found them clock watchers who are waiting for there next appointment...Now it may suit some and it may not buti dont think they work..If you want to talk to someone would it not be better to be able to sit in a cosy place talk all night and feel better in the morning than spending a 1hr session talking annd then haing to go back for another 1 hr of talking...Not much help in between...IMHO
OH and you mention not having to worry about the councillors feelings, thought they did not count.....you say it is not relevent wether they care, so are both these sentences a little critical of eachother....Taking on someones problems(baggage as you call it) well i would not want to see or speak to anyone who may see what i have to say as baggage.....................
percy toboggan
02-Mar-08, 14:18
[quote=Boozeburglar;349574]Anonymously having a go at adults on a message board is near the same as abusing vulnerable kids?
REALLY? I THINK YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE DISTRACTED FROM A SERIOUS ISSUE BY A TOTAL TRIVIALITY.
quote]
I think the first part of your statement is seriously , utterly wrong.
The second ? well you are responding with your own brand of triviality.
I'll leave this thread for those who seem to derive comfort from talking about bad experiences but in my opinion...and I usually have one this would better be done in a specialised forum...rather than talking openly in such a place as this.
Such forums must exist, this is a highly complex and emotive issue which again brings me back to your first sentence BB...you are so very wide of the mark.
Boozeburglar
02-Mar-08, 16:30
Tooboggin, can you even read? Do you even bother?
It is bringing the posters down to almost the level of those they criticise and some they criticise with no evidence or knowledge I suspect.
Anonymously having a go at adults on a message board is near the same as abusing vulnerable kids?
I was paraphrasing Cattach, ironically, to question what they were stating and to make a point that their focus on message board etiquette was trivialising matters.
As far as your advice on whether this is a suitable matter for this message board; when have you ever restricted your posts to material that is suitable for these boards? (Rather than, say, a BNP campaign site?)
percy toboggan
02-Mar-08, 16:48
when have you ever restricted your posts to material that is suitable for these boards? (Rather than, say, a BNP campaign site?)
Quite recently actually...do try to keep up.:roll:
Now I shall not trivialise this thread by baiting the boozebuglar further....
danc1ngwitch
02-Mar-08, 16:50
I can understand that this small org is no place to talk about such Real issues.
Now maybe that is being unfair in saying that the org is no place for this Topic.
Cough, cough, note no BOLD, for let us all bend over and allow others to please themselves.
Abuse is very real, and this little Org is no place for this, I knew it wouldna be, but I am sure that this little Org will grow and be able to handle such talks.
The Org is coming across as a place where if you have an issue with bold lettering then please post.
Now for goodness sake let folk talk about what they want to talk about.
Debate or take the gate.:eek:
Boozeburglar
02-Mar-08, 17:15
Quite recently actually...do try to keep up.:roll:
Now I shall not trivialise this thread by baiting the boozebuglar further....
Just because a thread eventually got removed does not mean you did not post it very recently.
Were you intentionally ignoring the fact I was obviously making comment on another post? To 'bait' me?
Shame on you if you did. I suspect you just failed to read up before posting.
The days when a subject like child abuse could be swept under the carpet are hopefully gone, and a sign of that is the discussion here.
How would restricting discussion of such things to 'specialist' sites help to remove the stigma of talking about it and increase awareness?
These issues arise, and as they unfold in the media seeing them reflected here is appropriate enough.
rockchick
02-Mar-08, 21:34
Yes but if you read it i did say I WOULD FEEL, not anyone else...I have seen them in the past and found them clock watchers who are waiting for there next appointment...Now it may suit some and it may not buti dont think they work..If you want to talk to someone would it not be better to be able to sit in a cosy place talk all night and feel better in the morning than spending a 1hr session talking annd then haing to go back for another 1 hr of talking...Not much help in between...IMHO
OH and you mention not having to worry about the councillors feelings, thought they did not count.....you say it is not relevent wether they care, so are both these sentences a little critical of eachother....Taking on someones problems(baggage as you call it) well i would not want to see or speak to anyone who may see what i have to say as baggage.....................
My experience with a counsellor (in Inverness) was not anything like a "clock watcher". She bent over backwards to help me, but perhaps that was because I really wanted the help. When it became apparent that I couldn't make the trip down to Inverness to do regular sessions, she agreed to talk with me over the phone. And, as I wasn't in a position to pay for the service at that time, she basically did it for free. Her help was immeasurable, and I will always thank the powers that be that made that service available to me at a time when I was ready to receive it.
As for the feelings and baggage part, what I was thinking of (and perhaps I'm biased from my own experiences) was that, if (as an example) you are going to complain about "Uncle Joe"...who happens to be your mother's brother...do you really think your mother is going to be able to listen to you impartially, and help YOU get over it, without being biased about what you are saying about someone she grew up with and has known for years? Will she really believe you if there is nothing in her brother's background that would make her suspect he could act that way? Sometimes it is better for YOU to talk with someone who is not closely tied to your family, who you know for certain won't gossip about what you tell them, and who can focus on the issues surrounding YOU and healing YOU.
But everyone is different...it is a lucky person who has a friend close enough to them to be able to cope with such a situation and coach that person through it.
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