swimming pool rescue

[peedie man]

Jim and Val were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Val promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Val's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Val the news she said, "Val, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness".

"The bad news is, Jim hung himself in the bathroom, with his bathrobe belt, right after you saved him. I am so sorry but he's dead."

Val replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

"How soon can I go home?"

[johno]

heh heh heh. [lol]

[angela5]

Good one.....[lol]



Did you hear what the blonde wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
No smoking.

[angela5]

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool.

The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked.
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give—-for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!"

[angela5]

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some nutter puts a swimming cap on me!"

[angela5]

[Ring - Ring] ~ [Pick Up]
- "Hello?"
- "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
- "No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"
After a brief pause, Daddy says; "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul"
- "Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause.
- "Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down
on the table; run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
- "Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few seconds later the little girl comes back to the phone.
- "I did it Daddy"
- "And what happened honey?" he asked.
- "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
- "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
- "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"


***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says; "Swimming pool?? Is this 486-5731???"

[Bobinovich]

LOL - love that last one Angela5 :D

[xx_chickie]

haha! good one!! :D

[NLP]

Brill that's a good one