London Streets by Christopher Matthew

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This is from 'Now we are Sixty' by Christopher Matthew -
If you've read 'Now we are Six' by A A Milne - you'll love it !

LONDON STREETS
By Christopher Matthew

Whenever I walk down a London Street
I take great care where I put my feet
And I watch for the gobs
And the doggies' big jobs
That lie there in piles, some sloppy, some neat,
Waiting for people to squidge with their feet
And I tiptope around
With my eyes on the ground
And wonder what horror I'm next going to meet.

And the harder I look, I give you my word
The more I seem drawn to the tiniest turd
And the dogs see me coming and say, 'Here's a sap,
Let's nip round the corner and have a good crap.
He's wearing those shoes that have crinkly soles,
With lots of small ridges and dozens of holes,
And if we distract him by having a piddle,
Nine times out of ten he'll tread slap in the middle.'
There's nothing more pleases a dog's simple wit
Than to hear the familiar cry of 'Oh sh1t !'



Or should that have been THURSO STREETS ?

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First Impressions
by Christopher Matthew.

I met this bunch of hooligans with rings and studs and hair,
All spiky as a bog brush, I thought 'Aye, aye..... Beware !'
I ducked my head and scuttled to the far side of the street
Like Bonaparte in Russia, I know when to retreat.

'Dont look at them ' I told myself
'Try not to catch their eye
Remember keep your head down, and with luck
they'll walk on by '
Then one of them crossed over, and things were looking bad;
And, as I closed my eyes in prayer, a voice say
'Hallo Dad !'