If you think im good enough vote for me

[jim shoe]

http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=12157016

Hello all literary peeps

i have made the semi finals of a poetry competition and they have asked me to get peeps to vote for me and maybe pass on this link to friends to vote for me as well.

the link is above ,so please read my work and vote for me but only if you like my style words ect.

there are other poems to read

i think poetry is very under rated

thank you:)

[trinkie]

Well done to you !

I loved the rise and fall of the story.... though admittedly a sad one.

Keep writing you have a nice way with words.

We look forward to more,

Very Best Wishes to you,
Trinkie

[jim shoe]

Hope you voted trinkie and tell your friends

pretty please:lol:

[Sporran]

I echo trinkie's sentiments, and have given you a good vote, jim shoe. I agree that poetry is very underrated!

I hope you don't mind that I have taken the liberty of rewriting your poem, by separating it into verses, and splitting some lines into two. It reads a lot better this way. I have also corrected a couple of minor spelling mistakes, and added some comas where appropriate. It really is a super poem - keep up the good work! :)



You came whispering gently on the breeze
My eyes knew, my heart knew
My soul recognised you
You were my moon and stars
My venus and mars

The man who made my heart stand still
From now until death, and always will
A prince, a king, summer and spring
Circus clown, a gypsy child
We refused to be denied

Our eyes were green, my jealousy jade
Question you did thus evade
My temper tantrums and silly wiles
Jeopardised your love and smiles

My insecurity like disease
My conscience you did not appease
Things I threw, accusations made
Finally love for me did fade

As winter came so cold and dark
I realised our love was stark
Bare and naked as winter trees
Blown away by the stinging breeze

I sit here in my lonely sorrow
Never wishing for tommorow
If the hands of time I could evade
No more eyes of jade

[canuck]

After reading Sporran's rendition I had to go find the original and vote.

Well done jim shoe! I think I even liked the free flow form, not a natural choice for this structured gal. But then jealously is a complex emotion and not an ordered event in our lives.

Good luck in the contest.

[Torvaig]

Yes Jim Shoe, stick with the free flow form; suits the words and sentiments. Well done and good luck!

[jim shoe]

Thank you

I re - read it the way they published it on their site, and as you said there were some errors which i may hasten to add, i did not make.

When you write a poem you tend to re - read it and its the way you wrote it that you see rather than the way the competition did, if you see my point.

They have sent me a form asking if i am pleased with the layout ect.

i will be saying no and returning it to its original format.

one other thing it was a bit longer and i had to cut it down to fit on the net page i had to write it on. which was a bummer as well.

also the American spelling differences as well lol.

Maybe i need to stick to british competitions in future lol

thank you all and please keep voting.

if i had known i would not have been laughed out of the water i wouldve did this long ago

thanks all for your kind input.

i will go and print it out and do the re ammendments to it:roll:

[jim shoe]

Meant to say thank you Sporran.

and no i did not mind one little bit.

I know where to post again for honest comments.

The thing with writing and correct me if you think i am wrong, is that you become so obsessed with the words and the emotions which the story or poem evokes, that you cannot see the wood for the trees.

By this i mean everything becomes secondary to the words and emotions.[lol]