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johno
20-Jun-07, 06:37
A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out
next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers,
you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So
I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his
hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

angela5
20-Jun-07, 11:38
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify
them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and Aloha shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The
next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying MaiTais, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous redhead in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning Father Murphy. Good Morning Father O'Toole," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then
passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits. These outfits were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw
them. Again, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous redhead, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads). Again, she approached them and greeted them individually, "Good Morning Father Murphy. Good Morning Father O'Toole," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did
YOU know?"

"Oh Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn!"

angela5
20-Jun-07, 11:46
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened it's mouth waiting below to swallow them both.

As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"

"Well," said God, "now that you are a believer, you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"

The atheist thinks for a minute then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also.

"God replies, "So be it."

The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided . . ."

horseman
27-Jun-07, 19:13
Some give you a right good belly laugh...

Lolabelle
02-Jul-07, 11:32
Just hilarious. I really got a good chuckle out of them.