View Full Version : Horses for courses

27-Jan-07, 15:30
An old horse, a young horse and a dog are sitting in a stable. It's the old horse's last race and he's a bit worried about it. He turns to the young horse and says:

"It's my last race today. I've had a good life, won many races and if I win today I will be retired to wonderfully lush green fields where I can relax for the rest of my life. I'm still expected to win this race but if I lose I could end up at the knackers yard, disgraced and forgotten. I've trained you well and you've won your first few races and I'm worried that if you really go for it today you will beat me. Is there any chance at all that you could ease off a bit and let me win?"

The young horse looks at his old friend and says: "Look I really understand what this means to you and I know I have had a good start to my career, but if I was to lose to such an old horse I might never recover...it could end my career. I really really feel for you but I'm sorry I just can't do it."

The dog who has been listening intently looks at the young horse and says:

"I can't believe you! You're young, fit and able, you will go on to win dozens and dozens of races. All he's asking is for you to lose one race so that he can have a happy retirement. Go on, if you don't then one day you will look back and really regret it."

The young horse says:

"WOW, a talking dog!"

27-Jan-07, 21:32
That's my kind of joke lol

Billy Boy
27-Jan-07, 21:53
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?" The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"