View Full Version : The David Beckham thread

06-Dec-06, 11:45
Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the
six o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the
Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.
Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he
jumps!" To which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."
So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough,
the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But she refuses. "I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump." "No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square - I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would do it again."

The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just
before the game, when Zidane walks in. "Boss," he says, "there's a problem.
I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection." "Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
Kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks.
The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "And what have you got in it?" ask the lads. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.

Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The
mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to
play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents out," he says. Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into place". So she takes the car home and tries it. David spots her from the house and shouts "You silly cow! You have to wind the windows up first!"

David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done
this jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went
riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and
down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell headfirst to the ground. His
head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even
slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was
giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth's' manager came
along and unplugged it.

Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to
avoid it but couldn't the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the
farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was
holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling
happily. "What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."

06-Dec-06, 11:47
Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice

06-Dec-06, 11:53
Q: How does Beckham change a light bulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.

06-Dec-06, 13:01

06-Dec-06, 13:04
David Beckham decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.

Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over. Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground.

He is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to his
great fortune . . . The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse. [lol]