View Full Version : First Xmas Joke

16-Nov-06, 17:19
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells".

Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's soiled panties.

Saint Peter looked with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols."

16-Nov-06, 19:38
2 snowmen in a field and one says "ho fred can you smell carrot?"


Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 19:45
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?


What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?

Sandy Claws.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbon hood.

Cedric Farthsbottom III
16-Nov-06, 22:28
Frank Carson is doing a Christmas gig in Blackpool.Suddenly an auld wifie in the front row does a loud fart.

Frank turns to her and says"Gee missus thanks for your Christmas fart"

The auld wifie says to Frank"How dae ye know it was a Christmas fart"

Frank says "Cos it was a cracker!!!!!":lol:

Cedric Farthsbottom III
16-Nov-06, 22:43
Father Christmas comes back to his hoose.There's Mary Christmas his wife decorating the tree.

"Nice baubles Mary",Santa says

"Yer a chauvinist pig Santa",says Mary

"Ye cannae win"says Santa:lol: