View Full Version : The Jobby Weechaaaahhhh!!!!

Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-Nov-06, 23:33
A guy is walking through Corstorphine after visiting Edinburgh Zoo.When he comes across a guy lyin' on the road. with his troosers doon at his ankles.Whats this aw aboot he thinks.Suddenly a plane flies over his heid,now this gets him thinking.Now they toilets in the planes,what happens to aw that jobby.Is there a big tank in the plane......NAW....too much jobby.

So it must just be weeched oot the plane when its over the sea.So the wee jobby lands in the sea and starts to sink.Along comes a wee fish,swimmety,swimmety.Eats the jobby,Munchety,Crunchity.Along comes the fishermen,Rowety,Boat and catch the fish.Take it to the fish market,man comes along buys the fish takes it home and eats it.Munchety,crunchity.Then he jumps on a plane goes to the toilet does a jobby.Its the Circle of life.

But what aboot the wee guy lyin in Corstorphine.Well here is what the guy thought.Guy goes to the toilet in the plane to do a jobby,but the suction is too powerful and is weeched oot the plane.

copyright Billy Connolly

Billy Boy
14-Nov-06, 17:08
Sometimes you fart when you're vomiting.
It's the pressure. Something must come out.
In fact you're lucky it's your bum.
It could have been your eyes.
copy right billy connolly

b.t.w cedric lol i'm still no forgiven you for compairing Russell Brand (hobb's):lol: to Billy Connolly, I hope you washed yer mooth oot wi carbolic soap [lol]

Cedric Farthsbottom III
14-Nov-06, 17:17
Stranded in a hotel in Australia before a gig,Billy is trying to get some shut eye.Suddenly an amorous couple next door start to get down to it."Oh Yes,OOOHHHH Yes....Yes....Yus........oh yes!!!!"Billy starts thumping on the wall and shouts"Hey ye next door will ye stop asking her the bloody question?"

Copyright Billy Connolly

btw Mr Billy Boy did wash ma mooth oot wi carbolic soap...........FROTHY!!!!:lol: :lol:

Billy Boy
14-Nov-06, 17:53
The great thing about being a showbiz personality is that you don't fart any more. You get a fartectomy in Harley Street. When I got mine done, Princess Anne was in the queue behind me. I don't think her's worked - she still looks like a horse just dumped in her handbag. [lol]

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? A silver sixpence?

copyright billy connolly

Billy Boy
14-Nov-06, 17:59
It was so cold that when I woke up in the morning I found a wee ice cube in my bed. I threw it in the fire and it went : FART! [lol]

Cedric Farthsbottom III
17-Nov-06, 01:56
A wee short haired polis officer was walkin doon Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow when he saw two big neds causing a bit o bother.

"Right ye two",he says."Less aw that and come wi me to the polis station"

"See ye,"said Mr Ned,"Am gonnae kill youuuuuuuuu!!!!"

The wee polis officer starts keiching himsel and looks around for help

Mr Ned says,"C'mon then Mr polis man,I'm gonnae rip yer arms off,then yer legs,then eat the rest o' ye"

The wee short haired polis man see's a glass ginger bottle,picks it up and points it towards the neds and says"C'mon then hard men,I'll gie ye a piece o' this man,C'monnnnnnnnnn!!!!"

He smashes the bottle against the wall,points it to the neds and see's he's left wi the cork!!!!:lol:

Copyright Billy Connolly

Billy Boy
17-Nov-06, 16:20
As Billy was visiting his home town a few weeks back, he parked his Bentley in the Gorbals.

As he was leaving the car a small lad approached him and said, 10 and i'll look after your car mister.

Billy drew the boy's attention to the back seat of the car, where there was the most vicious looking dog, barking, snarling and slavering from the mouth. See that son, said Billy, that's one of the best guard dogs around, and the only guard I need to look after my car, now on your bike.

As he was walking away, the small boy shouted after him, is it any good at putting out fires.

Cedric Farthsbottom III
24-Nov-06, 00:58
Theres a wee pub in Partick where 13 mates meet every Friday night.12 o' them are sitting in the pub havin a wee wine or two.One guy pipes up,"When is the Big Yin turnin up?"

Suddenly the door of the pub crashes open,in pops the Big Yin"Helloooo There how ye all gettin on!"

"I've just popped into that local gang the Romans,givin me major jip they were",says the Big Yin

The Big Yin sits doon at the table wi the rest o' his gang,The Christians.

"Here Big Yin,"says Dougie." Ye gonnae dae any o' they holy tricks the night"

"Its miracles ye eejit",says the Big Yin

"Ye know wit,"says the Big Yin,"ye bunch o' doddies are gonnae dae me in the night!!!"

"No us Big Yin,"say The Christians

"Aye ye lot,hey Jimmy pass us that wine"the Big Yin says

"The Romans are gonnae catch me oot on the street and I'm gonnae die",says the Big Yin as he necks his third bottle o' wine.

"Hey Big Yin,"says Shuggy,"We like you,ye tell us all they funny stories,but see when ye get some o' they cheap wines in ye,yer patters rotten."

So The Big Yin takes the Christians oot on the Street,fae the far end comes a crowd,its the Romans.

One wee Roman comes up to them,"We are the Romans............We hate the Christians........In Fact we even hate the Romans.....Whoa-ho....I'm just a little jobby!!!!!!!!"

The Romans grab the Big Yin and lie him doon on a plank o wood and start nailing his hands and feet to it.

They lift the plank up and theirs the Big Yin up there wi aw the Romans laughin their heids off.

The Big Yin tries to punch them.....but he cannae get his hand away.He tries to kick them,but he cannae get his foot way.So thats when the Big Yin did his last miracle............he pee'd on them!!!!!!!!

copyright Billy Connolly................ma all time favourite Big Yin Story:lol: :lol:

Cedric Farthsbottom III
08-Dec-06, 01:38
I raise my hat off to ye Mr and Mrs BB when it comes to Billy Connolly,ye truly hae the same sense o' humour as me.It feels rare.So dae the rest o' ye on this joke section.A wise man once said if ye cannae laugh at yersel then don't ye ever turn around to someone else and say that he wisnae funny...whether it was taken from the internet or not!!!

P.S Mr Billy Boy.............Russell Brand Rules OK.

Billy Boy
08-Dec-06, 14:14
well cedric mate,sorry to see you go but i'am sure you have your reason's, mr&mrs bb's .org world will not be as funny with out you here lol, :( live long and prosper cedric,

btw, i hope it wasnt ma bad jokes that made you go [lol]