View Full Version : Female .orgers, take note !

09-Nov-06, 10:29
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules:- Numbered "1" ON

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try
to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Lilac is a flower. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
settee tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like

09-Nov-06, 14:53
Don't know about sleeping on the settee.....this sounds like a prime candidate for Riccos' dog house!:lol:
( even that may be too good for him! );)

09-Nov-06, 15:00
As long as it is warm !!!

16-Nov-06, 13:50
having read this I actually think calish6 is on the button this is exactally how a males' thought process works and therefore they should be treat with gentleness and make sure their mental health certificate is up to date.....:Razz

Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 15:10
Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women


16-Nov-06, 15:19
:lol::lol: good one

16-Nov-06, 15:31
Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women


I beg to differ...............

Number 10 should be ~ they have breasts !!

Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 16:00
I beg to differ...............

Number 10 should be ~ they have breasts !!

lol lmao :lol:

Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 16:07
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!![lol]

Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 16:50
1.The female makes the rules.
2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
or did not say.
7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16.If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.[lol]
17.Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. :-))

Billy Boy
16-Nov-06, 17:27
http://www.anvari.org/db/fun/Gender/A_Little_Difference_Between_Men_and_Women.jpg (http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/A_Little_Difference_Between_Men_and_Women.html)

21-Nov-06, 10:25
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.