tonkatojo
08-Sep-11, 09:45
Could these be the contemplated austerity measures from the condems. ;) Please note one of these has been auto amended by the system and an acronym is now missing but the meaning of the missing word content is still there.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Ageing People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPE'Dcan apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPE'D and SHAFT'EDwill be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPE'Donce, SHAFT'EDtwice and SCREW'ED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Persons who havebeenRAPE'Dcould get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) orHERPES(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDSor HERPESwill not be SHAFT'ED or SCREW'EDany further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPE'Dand are staying on will receive as much (acronym)(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided themselves on the amount of (acronym)they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough(acronym) , please bring this to the attention of your local member of parliament, who has been trained to give you all the you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Ageing People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPE'Dcan apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPE'D and SHAFT'EDwill be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPE'Donce, SHAFT'EDtwice and SCREW'ED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Persons who havebeenRAPE'Dcould get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) orHERPES(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDSor HERPESwill not be SHAFT'ED or SCREW'EDany further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPE'Dand are staying on will receive as much (acronym)(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided themselves on the amount of (acronym)they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough(acronym) , please bring this to the attention of your local member of parliament, who has been trained to give you all the you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.