Lolabelle
15-Aug-06, 10:42
OK, here we go. This is an assignment I did for my writing for children course, I got an "A". It is a scene from "Making Good Decisions" and I had to write the one scene from the viewpoint of two characters.
Scene from Emma’s view point
“Hurry up.” Emma called impatiently back to her sister.
“I’m coming,” Sally replied.
Emma continued along the road, she was so fed up with her goody two shoes sister. Always doing everything right, the apple of everyone’s eye. She looked back, where was she? Oh for goodness sake, what was she doing? She turned back to see what “Super Sally” was up to now. Probably rescuing a hurt kitten or some other soppy thing like that.
As she got closer she saw something glint in the sunlight, “What’s that?” she asked and took it for a closer look.
“A key,” said Sally as she reached to take it back.
Emma wasn’t finished looking at it, “Wow , it’s gorgeous.” It would look great on a chain, especially with her new white top. The key had an intricate pattern with tiny gem stones set into engraved pictures of plants and birds.
“Wait, Emma. You can’t keep it.” whined her snivelling little sister.
“Finders keepers.” I had to have it, it would really set off my tan with the new shirt!
“But, I found it,” Sally said, “and it probably belongs to Mrs Vabka, it was in front of her gate.”
Nothing was going to spoil her plan for this key, she even had the perfect chain to put it on, “Oh, she won’t know.”
“Good morning girls.” The guttural voice of the old Russian lady sent a chill through Emma. She had been sitting on the verandah the whole time. Spying!
“Oh hi,” Emma took the key to the old lady, maybe it wasn’t hers and she would still be able to keep it. “We just found this key, it must be yours.” she handed it to her.
Emma watched in disgust as the old witch’s claw like hands rattled the cup and saucer to the table and then took the key from her hand, uhh, yuck.
“Ah, yes this is mine. Thank you.” Her wrinkled face creased into a mocking sneer. “It was good of you to return it to me.” The old bat knew that I wanted to keep it, it probably wasn’t even really hers.
“We’d better get going, we’ll be late for school,” Sally said. There she goes again, trying to make her look bad by being so nice and good.
“Come back for afternoon tea. You must have a reward.”
No way! She wasn’t going anywhere near the old crone, she had better things to do.
“That would be great, thanks Mrs Vabka,” said Sally.
Trust her to suck up, well she could go for ‘afternoon tea’ by herself thought Emma.
Scene from Sally’s view point.
“Hurry up.”
Sally looked her sister’s back-pack bouncing along, “I’m coming,” she called. Sally was sick of Emma, her older sister by two and a half minutes.
Then something caught her eye. Sally stopped in front of Mrs Vabka’s gate and searched for the shiny object. She peered into a crack in the concrete.
Twinkle. There it was.
Sally tried to pick it up, and as she touched it, it slid further into the crack. Carefully, she gripped it’s edge between her fingertips.
Ah! Got it.
Sally held a beautiful gold key in her hand. It had tiny coloured stones and pictures of birds and plants engraved into the gold.
“What’s that?” Emma demanded and snatched the key from Sally’s hand.
“A key,” said Sally. She reached to take it back.
Emma kept the key and walked away, “Wow, it’s gorgeous.”
“Wait, Emma. You can’t keep it.”
“Finders keepers.”
“But, but I found it,” stammered Sally, “ and it probably belongs to Mrs Vabka, it was in front of her gate.”
“Oh, she won’t know.”
“Good Morning girls.” Mrs Vabka’s accented voice called from her verandah.
“Oh hi.” Emma stepped through the gate and onto the old verandah. “We just found this key, it must be yours.” She handed it to the old lady.
Mrs Vabka placed her tea cup on a small table. Her shaky hands rattled the cup noisily in the saucer. She took the key in her clawed hand. “Ah, yes this is mine. Thank you.” She smiled at the girls, and then winked at Sally. “It was good of you to return it to me.”
“We’d better get going, we’ll be late for school,” Sally said, embarrassed. She knew that Mrs Vabka had heard them.
“Come back for afternoon tea. You must have a reward.”
“That would be great, thanks Mrs Vabka,” Sally said.
There you go, that is a small example of my earlier writing attempts.
Scene from Emma’s view point
“Hurry up.” Emma called impatiently back to her sister.
“I’m coming,” Sally replied.
Emma continued along the road, she was so fed up with her goody two shoes sister. Always doing everything right, the apple of everyone’s eye. She looked back, where was she? Oh for goodness sake, what was she doing? She turned back to see what “Super Sally” was up to now. Probably rescuing a hurt kitten or some other soppy thing like that.
As she got closer she saw something glint in the sunlight, “What’s that?” she asked and took it for a closer look.
“A key,” said Sally as she reached to take it back.
Emma wasn’t finished looking at it, “Wow , it’s gorgeous.” It would look great on a chain, especially with her new white top. The key had an intricate pattern with tiny gem stones set into engraved pictures of plants and birds.
“Wait, Emma. You can’t keep it.” whined her snivelling little sister.
“Finders keepers.” I had to have it, it would really set off my tan with the new shirt!
“But, I found it,” Sally said, “and it probably belongs to Mrs Vabka, it was in front of her gate.”
Nothing was going to spoil her plan for this key, she even had the perfect chain to put it on, “Oh, she won’t know.”
“Good morning girls.” The guttural voice of the old Russian lady sent a chill through Emma. She had been sitting on the verandah the whole time. Spying!
“Oh hi,” Emma took the key to the old lady, maybe it wasn’t hers and she would still be able to keep it. “We just found this key, it must be yours.” she handed it to her.
Emma watched in disgust as the old witch’s claw like hands rattled the cup and saucer to the table and then took the key from her hand, uhh, yuck.
“Ah, yes this is mine. Thank you.” Her wrinkled face creased into a mocking sneer. “It was good of you to return it to me.” The old bat knew that I wanted to keep it, it probably wasn’t even really hers.
“We’d better get going, we’ll be late for school,” Sally said. There she goes again, trying to make her look bad by being so nice and good.
“Come back for afternoon tea. You must have a reward.”
No way! She wasn’t going anywhere near the old crone, she had better things to do.
“That would be great, thanks Mrs Vabka,” said Sally.
Trust her to suck up, well she could go for ‘afternoon tea’ by herself thought Emma.
Scene from Sally’s view point.
“Hurry up.”
Sally looked her sister’s back-pack bouncing along, “I’m coming,” she called. Sally was sick of Emma, her older sister by two and a half minutes.
Then something caught her eye. Sally stopped in front of Mrs Vabka’s gate and searched for the shiny object. She peered into a crack in the concrete.
Twinkle. There it was.
Sally tried to pick it up, and as she touched it, it slid further into the crack. Carefully, she gripped it’s edge between her fingertips.
Ah! Got it.
Sally held a beautiful gold key in her hand. It had tiny coloured stones and pictures of birds and plants engraved into the gold.
“What’s that?” Emma demanded and snatched the key from Sally’s hand.
“A key,” said Sally. She reached to take it back.
Emma kept the key and walked away, “Wow, it’s gorgeous.”
“Wait, Emma. You can’t keep it.”
“Finders keepers.”
“But, but I found it,” stammered Sally, “ and it probably belongs to Mrs Vabka, it was in front of her gate.”
“Oh, she won’t know.”
“Good Morning girls.” Mrs Vabka’s accented voice called from her verandah.
“Oh hi.” Emma stepped through the gate and onto the old verandah. “We just found this key, it must be yours.” She handed it to the old lady.
Mrs Vabka placed her tea cup on a small table. Her shaky hands rattled the cup noisily in the saucer. She took the key in her clawed hand. “Ah, yes this is mine. Thank you.” She smiled at the girls, and then winked at Sally. “It was good of you to return it to me.”
“We’d better get going, we’ll be late for school,” Sally said, embarrassed. She knew that Mrs Vabka had heard them.
“Come back for afternoon tea. You must have a reward.”
“That would be great, thanks Mrs Vabka,” Sally said.
There you go, that is a small example of my earlier writing attempts.