View Full Version : Jokes

11-Aug-06, 11:04
A chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here. "The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship. "Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
She's dead."

A duck walks in a store and says to the clerk .. "quack! Got any grapes?"
The clerk says "No, we don't have any grapes"
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "quack! Got any grapes?"
The clerk says "I told you yesterday I don't have any grapes, if you come in and ask me again I will staple your feet to the floor"
The next day the duck walks in the store and says to the clerk "Quack! Got any staples"
The clerk says "No, I don't have any staples" then the duck says

"Got any grapes?[lol]

11-Aug-06, 11:16
¡Muy bueno!
I'll have a cookie!

I don't want a staple!

11-Aug-06, 11:19
¡Muy bueno!
I'll have a cookie!
Agradezca el yo mucho

11-Aug-06, 11:30

Now we gotta remember this is Scotland huh?