View Full Version : a computer poem for those over 40

Billy Boy
14-Jul-06, 13:30
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean,
And ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of my girlfriend.
A gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things,
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a three-inch floppy,
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public,
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut, you did with a pocket knife.
Paste, you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home.
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead.
:lol: :lol:

14-Jul-06, 19:21
Windows Recall

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Scotland version of Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Scotland.

If you have one of the Scotland editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Scotland edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES XP, Ye Ken, with a background picture of William Wallace superimposed on a St. Andrews Cross. It is shipped with a Mel Gibson screen saver.

Also note the Recycle Bin is called 'The Bucket.'
My Computer is called 'Thon Computer Thingie.'
Dialup Networking is called 'Phone the Bhoys.'
Control Panel is known as 'the Dashboard.'
Hard Drive is referred to as 'the tractor.'
Floppies are referred to as 'thae wee plastic disc things.'

Other features:
- Instead of an error message you get a windae covered with a picture of a neep.
- OK = 'ats fine'
- cancel = na na ma loon
- reset = Och ye'd be as weel startin again
- yes = Och aye
- no = nae chunce mon
- find = if ye'd bothered to pit it past in a safe place, ye widnae need to look for it noo
- go to = go'n ower 'ere
- back = back the wye
- help = geese a haun'
- stop = pack it in
- start = com on 'en
- settings = sittins
- programs = stuff whit daes stuff
- documents = stuff I hive done afore

Also note that Windaes XP does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Windaes XP:
- Pincil an paper...........A word processor
- Colourin book.......a Graphics program
- Addin machine......calculator
- Andrex......notepad
- Jukebox............CD player
- Photies.............A graphics viewer
- Tax records.........usually an empty file

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Scotland edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

14-Jul-06, 20:08
Very good. Love them both. The poem certainly rang true when I first started using the computer but I like to think I have progressed a wee bit. As for the Scottish Edition of windows XP......I would love to own one. Before I get any replies, I know it's a joke!

14-Jul-06, 20:50
Highlander, surely this has lifted your spirits. It certainly has lifted mine.

Thanks people. :D

15-Jul-06, 14:47
lol...loved them both.[lol] Thanks for sharing.

Billy Boy
15-Jul-06, 20:59