car jokes thread

[dunderheed]

New Porsche



A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a police car behind him, blue lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, flying down the road at over 200 mph to escape. Then he
thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir, my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back"

the policeman let him go!

[dunderheed]

Senga, an A*r United fan, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighbourhoods in Kilmarnock and look for odd jobs as a handywoman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Senga, "I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure, that sounds great!" said Senga.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty quid all right?" Senga asked.

"Great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty quid! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Senga knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.

"You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Senga replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay her.

"Oh, and by the way," she said, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."



brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm tisssssssssh!!