Being British

[bky]

Being British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish
kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows
on a
Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and......

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and
a
DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the
counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a
skating
rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations
were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out
of
the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars. and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
toilet.

I am proud to be British

IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE BRITISH THEN YOU'LL FORWARD THIS!

(We might be British but hell we're funny as!!

[Billy Boy]

The "Thrifty" Scots
The Scots have the [unjustified] reputation of being stingy.
But what they do have is the ability to laugh at themselves.

Here are few examples

Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.

Angus called in to see his friend Donald to find he was stripping the wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he remarked "You're decorating, I see." to which Donald replied "Naw. I'm moving house."

Callum decided to call his father-in-law the "Exorcist" because every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear

At an auction in Glasgow a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it.
From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give £150!"

I hear Maggie and yourself settled your difficulties and decided to get married after all," Jock said to Sandy.
"That's right," said Sandy, "Maggie's put on so much weight that we couldn't get the engagement ring off her finger."

Have you heard about the lecherous Jock who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?
He sold her four of them.

A Scotsman took a girl for a ride in a taxi. She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter

SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

[The Pepsi Challenge]

Not British.

[DrSzin]

Not British.Lol Pepsi, does anyone other than ye and me know what yer on aboot here? Have you got the t-shirt yet?

[The Pepsi Challenge]

Still waiting on my T-shirt, Doc. No sign of it as of yet. I think Mr. Williamson is too preoccupied with debate regarding the Scottish Socialists than getting some Tees printed up. Watch this space...

[saxovtr]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue

not killed me yet lol

[George Brims]

What's this nonsense? Besides the first bit, which was coined recently by a Belgian I believe, all those things have been going around the internet for years as "Only in America". And the bit about being killed by a 9V battery is an urban legend.

[Billy Boy]

http://www.geocities.com/scottishjoke/proudtobescot.JPG

[Rheghead]

Being Scottish is

Eating a pudding that was invented by Southern Mediteraneans
Drinking booze that was invented by arabs
Wearing a skirt that was designed by an Englishman.
Waving a flag dedicated to a Jew
Quoting a declaration of independence that contains myths from the middle east.
Cheering for a team that will never get past the group stage of the World Cup.
Wearing a pattern that was worn by the chinese.
Playing a game with clubs that was invented by the chinese.
Playing an instrument that was invented in Iraq

[lol]

[katarina]

Only in Wick does the council remove a railing which is obscuring the vision of motorists turning north, then plant a row of pampas grass instead.

[Billy Boy]

being english for some is.......... liveing in scotland

being english for some is.......... refuseing the scottish money in england,but, expecting scotland to take their money.[lol]

[angela5]

http://www.geocities.com/scottishjoke/proudtobescot.JPG


Me too.
http://www.albawest.com/graphic/aws1avx.gif

[landmarker]

I'm not proud to be English, because it was an accident of birth. I'm not glad either, because I wish the accident had seen me born Scots, because I'd rather live there. Although I still would not have been proud of myself. Isn't this rather daft talk. I'm proud the country Great Britain has a great heritage -although I loathe the class system and a few other things. I'm glad it's green and verdant and I'm glad yer never to far from the sea but I can't really be 'proud' of it. It's not mine to be 'proud of' I respect it, and admire it, but 'pride comes before a fall.' It's a misplaced emotion when it comes to ones land of birth in my opinion. It's an attitude that can lead to wars. I'm glad it's still predominantly white*, and predominantly safe. Taking pride in ones surroundings is somehow different to being proud you had the good fortune to be born there.


Making sense? I thought not.


* If you take exception to this remark too bad.

[scorrie]

I'm glad it's still predominantly white

* If you take exception to this remark too bad.

Just when you thought the racist posts had stopped up it pops again. Gee whiz, when it comes to it, who should be anywhere in this world? Take the USA for a start, just exactly where did most of the current population come from? The UK, who there is actually natural born when you get right down to it?

Attitudes that lead to wars? Check the mirror out some time soon!!

[riggerboy]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue

not killed me yet lol
pity that keep trying

[landmarker]

Just when you thought the racist posts had stopped up it pops again. Gee whiz, when it comes to it, who should be anywhere in this world? Take the USA for a start, just exactly where did most of the current population come from? The UK, who there is actually natural born when you get right down to it?

Attitudes that lead to wars? Check the mirror out some time soon!!

I'm not sorry to have upset you, but I also think you may be wrong with your figures. Do you really think the majority in the USA are descended from United Kingdom emigrees ? I doubt it very much.

Also answer this question. Would you prefer Scotland to be predominantly Black? A reasonable question given your attitude. If the answer is 'yes' then fair play to you.

[scorrie]

I'm not sorry to have upset you, but I also think you may be wrong with your figures. Do you really think the majority in the USA are descended from United Kingdom emigrees ? I doubt it very much.

Also answer this question. Would you prefer Scotland to be predominantly Black? A reasonable question given your attitude. If the answer is 'yes' then fair play to you.

Mmm, where do I say that the USA is populated mainly by UK stock? My point is that there is just about every creed under the sun compared to the original Native Americans.

Your question about Scotland being predominantly Black has no relevance. The fact is that Scotland is geographically located where it is pretty hard to have melanin enriched skin. Prior to the 60's and 70's there were few coloured skinned people in my particular area, there are more now and I cannot say that they are aloof to the rest of the community, they mix to a good extent, bearing in mind that some areas are, at least officially, off limits due to the constraints out in place through religion.

I would ask why you think Britain is a better place for having the majority of people with white skin? Some of the biggest wastes of space I have seen are white and give a bad name to Britain in the eyes of the rest of the world. I see good people and bad people of all colours and beliefs, to think that skin could be relevant to the equation does not work in my logic.

[landmarker]

Mmm, where do I say that the USA is populated mainly by UK stock? My point is that there is just about every creed under the sun compared to the original Native Americans.




Your question about Scotland being predominantly Black has no relevance. The fact is that Scotland is geographically located where it is pretty hard to have melanin enriched skin. Prior to the 60's and 70's there were few coloured skinned people in my particular area, there are more now and I cannot say that they are aloof to the rest of the community, they mix to a good extent, bearing in mind that some areas are, at least officially, off limits due to the constraints out in place through religion.

I would ask why you think Britain is a better place for having the majority of people with white skin? Some of the biggest wastes of space I have seen are white and give a bad name to Britain in the eyes of the rest of the world. I see good people and bad people of all colours and beliefs, to think that skin could be relevant to the equation does not work in my logic.

I think the question has this relevance: if you can genuinely answer that you would not object to Scotland being 'predominantly black' then you are not a racist. I applaud your attitude, in one way, even though I think it misguided and deluded. By answering in the affirmative you have proved yourself a much more worthy human being than I could ever claim to be, also a much more gullible one. However.....to anwer your points...

....Vast tracts of the USA are still inhabited by 'native Americans' What has happened to them is a disgrace.

Your logic is different to mine. However I agree , we have plenty of white ne'r do wells and white skin is no guarantee of a worthy person. It predominantly means the individual has a 'christian work ethic' and wishes to toe societies line, abide by laws and work reasonably hard. Will want to raise children, stand by them as they grow up. Such virtues are apparent in many black and Asian people, indeed the latter could teach US thing or two about family values and morals. I have no problem with reasonable numbers of either category settling in this land alongside those whose forebears have been here for century upon century. I do feel that there is a slightly larger element of miscreants amongst certain 'communities' and furthermore I feel the need to say so, because so many people are in denial.

I maintain that I prefer the majority population to remain white. Need I apologise for this statement, I think not. Many will agree privately, but be reluctant to say so in public.

Of course, with changing demographics and patterns of reproduction one day, in the future the balance will tilt and whites in Great Britain will be in the minority. I am almost certain that the country will be the poorer for it. Asians will rise to be the dominant race economically, especially Indians, and perhaps Chinese. The resultant friction with a largely dispossessed black community will result in social instability. The thinking whites will, like the celts of old, have been driven to the periphery of the islands. This movement is already underway in Scotland and within ten years the majority population in inner London will be black or Asian or some hotch potch of races. This is all very well and good, it is the result of political planning, or carelessness, I'm not sure which.

I've brought this subject up before but after returning here from a non-related 'ban' I had left it alone. I did not instigate this thread but merely contributed my thoughts to it. I'm not trying to convince anyone I'm right, more simply expressing a personal opinion which I believe is both valid, and still permissible.

[landmarker]

Mmm, where do I say that the USA is populated mainly by UK stock?.

Er...sorry, but by your use of punctuation and the question mark you seemed to pose a question, and then answer it. If I misinterpreted your method then I apologise.

[peter macdonald]

I may sound racist here but why do all the posts about race on this thread and the "who will be supporting England thread" all seem to come from English people????
Peter (the inadvertant racist ) MacDonald

[bky]

i stuck the original piece on here for light entertainment and to raise a smile - wish i hadnt flaming bothered

[Saveman]

i stuck the original piece on here for light entertainment and to raise a smile - wish i hadnt flaming bothered

Well it raised a smile with me bky. Thanx.



A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

.....I should buy a bottle opener ;)

[landmarker]

I may sound racist here but why do all the posts about race on this thread and the "who will be supporting England thread" all seem to come from English people????
Peter (the inadvertant racist ) MacDonald

Er..maybe we are affected more by mass immigration Peter.
I hadn't noticed any racist talk on the 'supporting England thread'
maybe I've missed something, or perhaps you have a low threshold of 'racist' views. It happens.