View Full Version : Joke
has anyone got a good joke . ill start
knock knock
whos there
boo
boo who
what you crying about i got cake and ice cream down here!!!!!!
beat that*:lol::lol:
Funky_Foal
12-May-06, 20:57
there was a big tall man at a bar
and a little small man comes in
he says i wouldnt mind some of that
after a few pints the small man says "can i have some of that"
the tall man says yeah sure and hands him some bar peanuts
good aint it[lol][lol]
Funky_Foal
12-May-06, 20:58
there was a big tall man at a bar
and a little small man comes in
he says i wouldnt mind some of that
after a few pints the small man says "can i have some of that"
the tall man says yeah sure and hands him some bar peanuts
good aint it[lol][lol]
What were you thinking
Cedric Farthsbottom III
12-May-06, 20:59
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Madam
Madam who?
Madam foots stuck in the door.
Funky_Foal
12-May-06, 21:00
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Madam
Madam who?
Madam foots stuck in the door.
ha ha where did you get that one?
there was a big tall man at a bar
and a little small man comes in
he says i wouldnt mind some of that
after a few pints the small man says "can i have some of that"
the tall man says yeah sure and hands him some bar peanuts
good aint it[lol][lol]
that is complete and utter tripe
Funky_Foal
12-May-06, 21:03
that is complete and utter tripe
well your one isnt that good either!!!!!
Cedric Farthsbottom III
12-May-06, 21:05
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Hufta
Hufta who?
Hufta pee,can I use your toilet.
Billy Boy
12-May-06, 21:07
How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather be in the darkness.:lol:
pultneytooner
12-May-06, 21:09
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
Billy Boy
12-May-06, 21:10
How many potheads does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to hold the bulb against the socket, and the other to smoke up until the room starts spinning.:lol:
Funky_Foal
12-May-06, 21:13
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. after a few more he needs the toilet. he doesnt want anyone to steal his beer so he puts up a sign saying "I spat in this beer do not drink". a few minutes later he returns and sees another sign beside it saying "So did I".
[lol][lol]
An old woman walks into a doctors office.She says "My farts don't stink and they make no sound." The doctor give her pills and tells her to come back in a week.A week later she comes back and says "My farts stink but they still don't make a sound"
The doctors turns to his nurse and says "The sinus pills worked but now she needs a hearing aid":lol:
knock knock
whos there
adair
adair who
adair once but now im bald.
knock knock
whos there
acid
acid who
acid down and be quiet.
Carlo Gambino
12-May-06, 22:56
What does deputy P.M John Prescott & an Homebase flatpack have in common?
A few screws in the wrong place & the whole cabinet falls apart
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."[lol]
There was once a blonde girl named Sally. Her husband was at work, and to entertain herself, she decided to do a puzzle.
Her husband came home later to find his wife angry and breathing hard at the table.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm trying to do this stupid puzzle! It's supposed to be a tiger!" she replied.
The husband looked at the puzzle, sighed, and said,"Sally, dear, put the frosted flakes back in the box!"[lol]
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
willowbankbear
12-May-06, 23:15
How many Dounreay scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they dont need lightbulbs-they all glow in the dark
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.":lol:
willowbankbear
12-May-06, 23:26
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.":lol:
Brilliant, pmsl[lol]
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk.
He replied, "Who said that?!"
Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"
The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, "Cornelius."
The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"
The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!" :lol:
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog pooh, 20 feet back.":lol:
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five quid from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.
When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!":lol:
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six " in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." :lol:
An old woman walks into a doctors office.She says "My farts don't stink and they make no sound." The doctor give her pills and tells her to come back in a week.A week later she comes back and says "My farts stink but they still don't make a sound"
The doctors turns to his nurse and says "The sinus pills worked but now she needs a hearing aid":lol:
so you found this joke rude chillie, enough to leave me bad rep, well i find that even more amusing that the joke lol ha ha ha ha ha :lol:
(really we both now the real reason you gave me bad rep lol)
so you found this joke rude chillie, enough to leave me bad rep, well i find that even more amusing that the joke lol ha ha ha ha ha :lol:
(really we both now the real reason you gave me bad rep lol)
He he, you make me laugh , you remind me of the title of a Laurel & Hardy film.
dunderheed
13-May-06, 19:46
Blonde Exam
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she
is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. But, she says, I'm rechecking my
answers."
dunderheed
13-May-06, 19:57
How to make money
Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
dunderheed
13-May-06, 20:02
Help!
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out,
‘‘my son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!''
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing.
He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads and squeezed.
Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
''Thank you! Thank you!'' the father cried. ''Are you a paramedic?''
''No,'' replied the man, ''I work for the Inland Revenue."
Funky_Foal
13-May-06, 20:02
these jokes are great
dunderheed
13-May-06, 20:11
Australian Poetry
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists;
a university graduate and an old aboriginal.
They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word
and come up with a poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'.
First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to
the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they
thought.
The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;
Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu
He he, you make me laugh , you remind me of the title of a Laurel & Hardy film.
what film is that then??
cos you remind me of something out of one flew over the cookoos nest lol:lol: :lol:
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)
"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...
isn't she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
A short history of medicine:
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."[lol]
John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?"
"I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John.
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter: "Dear Mom, While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing. Love, Your son."
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read: "Dear John, While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed. Love, Mom.":lol: :lol:
Billy Boy
13-May-06, 21:29
Someone really stinks
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Billy Boy
13-May-06, 21:33
Wife was mad at me
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.
"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
Billy Boy
13-May-06, 21:35
Finding perfect men
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
:lol: :lol:
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try.
We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
Billy Boy
13-May-06, 21:52
Wife isn't in the car
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet."
Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-May-06, 23:08
Two guys were out fishing on Loch Watten.Suddenly one of their false teeth fell out and fell to the bottom of the loch.
"Oh man,£200 it cost me for those teeth."
The guys pal felt sorry for him.So he took out his own false teeth that cost him £300.He caught a fish and turned to his pal and said,
"Look this fish has your false teeth in its mouth."
The first guy is over the moon.Looks at the teeth and says,
"Och their not mine"
And chucks them into the loch.
[lol] Good one Cedric..
http://www.umanitoba.ca/cm/vol5/no12/unclefarleysfalseteeth.jpg
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-May-06, 23:52
:lol: :lol: ......excellanto angela
Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-May-06, 23:58
Two nuns are blethering and one turns to the other and says,
"I used to be really into religion that it almost became an addiction."
The other nun says,"So what happened?"
The nun says,"I managed to kick the habit!!!!!"
By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained." I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." [lol]
Little Johnny has a speech impediment. His father taught to him to always be polite to people.
The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, remembering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, "Doog moaning buth driber,"
The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him to the back of the bus.
This goes on for four days.
Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, "Fatter you tell me to be pollite, but when I do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith."
His father says, "Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you."
The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnny’s father says, "Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite."
Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.
His father says, "Go on Johnny."
So Johnny, wanting to be as polite as possible says, "Doog moaning buth driber."
With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Johnny father grabs the drivers hand.
He asks, "Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?"
The bus driver says, "Betause heeth making fun of me":lol:
melted_wellie
14-May-06, 00:05
Little Johnny has a speech impediment. His father taught to him to always be polite to people.
The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, remembering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, "Doog moaning buth driber,"
The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him to the back of the bus.
This goes on for four days.
Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, "Fatter you tell me to be pollite, but when I do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith."
His father says, "Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you."
The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnny’s father says, "Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite."
Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.
His father says, "Go on Johnny."
So Johnny, wanting to be as polite as possible says, "Doog moaning buth driber."
With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Johnny father grabs the drivers hand.
He asks, "Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?"
The bus driver says, "Betause heeth making fun of me":lol:were they both from the glebe??
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
You're right," She said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."[lol] [lol]
A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose dog is smarter
"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee,"
"I know," says the second owner.
"How do you Know?"
"My dog told me.":eek:
When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.
NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
Cedric Farthsbottom III
15-May-06, 21:16
A group o' joiners were trying to build a shed in an old womans garden.Only problem was that there was this big muckle tree stuck in the middle o' it.
So one o' them gets a chainsaw and starts sawing at the tree......he slips....the chainsaw cuts off his right ear.
All the guys in panic look around to find the ear.One of them,holding a bloody ear says,"Is this it?"
The injured joiner says,"Naw,mine had a pencil behind it."
pultneytooner
15-May-06, 22:43
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?" [lol]
Q What's a mixed feeling
A When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car
QWhy is divorce so expensive
A Because it's worth it
Q What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife
A 45 pounds
Q What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband
A 45 minutes
Q Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A Breasts dont have eyes
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