Good one!!!Angela 5.Originally Posted by angela5
Man walked into a bar and said,"Ouch!!!!,I must be foo!!!!!!"
What did the giraffe say when he ordered drinks at the cocktail bar?
"The Highballs are on me"....
Good one!!!Angela 5.Originally Posted by angela5
Man walked into a bar and said,"Ouch!!!!,I must be foo!!!!!!"
Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho
LMAO.....that is funny..lolOriginally Posted by 2little2late
Don't wrestle with pigs, you just get all dirty and the pig enjoys it.
I've ran out of jokes.
A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.
Cow in hole
First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head.
There once was an old couple who had been married for 30 years.
Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wifes annoyance.
"you'll fart your guts out one of these days," she complained.
After a particulary bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's bum.
While she was cooking breakfast she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream..20 minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.."you were right all along" the old man say's " i finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of god, and these 2 fingers i managed to push 'em back in!"
A skeleton walks in to a bar. He says to the barman
"Can I have a pint of beer and a mop"??...........
Originally Posted by Abdullah
good one....
I really hope you dont get suspended for that one!!Originally Posted by Abdullah
that is so much like the "contagious" joke that would get me banned from here!,"My Gran got lost at the railway station so I was centimetre!!!!!"
Last edited by grantyg; 05-Mar-06 at 00:58.
Very goodOriginally Posted by girnigoe
Q. Why should you always take a mushroom to a disco?
A. Because he's a fungi to be with.
A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.
eeeeooooowwww.. yeeeuuuchhhh!!!!Originally Posted by angela5
Originally Posted by grantyg
i know the one and yes it would
I have an absolutely BRILLIANT one which isnt too bad but I darent post it just in case!!
If anyone wants to hear it PM me...
Ahhhhhhhh!!2little2late my fellow joke miester,but why should you NOT take the fungi to the disco?Originally Posted by 2little2late
Because there's no' mushroom' on the dancefloor!!!!
Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho
semanticsOriginally Posted by girnigoe
1. two ANTENNAS MEET IN A BAR AND get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" ..........................."It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Ye must be a fast typer Abdullah!!!!Originally Posted by Abdullah
Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho
How can you find Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?
They're the ones with the stretchmarks on their lips...
Two cannibals in the pup discussing their holidays abroad.
One says to the other,
"But where's your arm?"
The other one says,
"The holiday was self catering"
A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.
[QUOTE=Abdullah]12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.[QUOTE]
Brilliant! Just my sense of humour!!
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