It was Christmas Eve in Asda and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'


It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'
The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'
'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'
'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.



According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.