Checkout Kommandants

[buddyrich]

Does anyone else find it incredibly irritating with the way they herd you to the express till at tesco? It's either the automated ones in Wick or the 10 items or less in Thurso. The fact that they do it in a VERY LOUD VOICE, just to ensure that passers-by know that you're a complete imbecile for going to apparently the wrong till makes it even more bile-inducing: "CAN YOU COME TO THIS ONE PLEASE, YES OVER HERE, EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE NO CUSTOMERS AT THE ONE YOU WANTED TO USE AND THE ASSISTANT IS SITTING DOING NOTHING, PLEASE CHANGE DIRECTION AND WALK ALL THE WAY OVER TO WHERE THIS OTHER ASSISTANT IS DOING NOTHING. WHAT A COMPLETE CRETIN YOU ARE FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG TILL. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'd quite like to have that job. Seems like a good racket, waiting to pounce on people and order them about.

[Metalattakk]

Why don't you just ignore them and insist on using the manned till. They don't like that sort of thing.

Then if the Tescommandant really really insists, simply place your shopping on the floor and walk out. They don't like that sort of thing either.

Sheesh, it would never happen in ASDA though, eh?

[Bazeye]

I was struggling to get an assistants attention in B&Q last summer, they were either all too busy or ignoring me so I lit a ciggie up. Within 5seconds of doing so I had the attention of three assistants, so I nipped it and put it back in the tin and asked them where the fluro tubes were.

PS. The wife didnt speak to me for the rest of the day. Double result.

[northener]

I don't think they go far enough.

I believe that many of the customers need herding with electric cattle prods, as they're quite incapable of being in the store without blocking the aisles whilst wittering away to their halfwit chums.

Many seem unable to differentiate between queueing at a till for the purpose of purchasing goods and standing at a till slack-jawed and dribbling whilst they fanny around with 37 outdated coupons (from Asda or Lidl) and then begin trying to find a two pence piece in the botton corner of their overstuffed bag rather than break into a twenty pence piece, whilst all the time droning on about the lack of small independant retailers in Wick and what that woman said up the street about the cat in Dempster Street and how Satanists are planning on opening a vegetarian laundry in Pulteneytown.

They should all be taken to a railway siding, loaded into trucks and......


.....and relax......

[EDDIE]

Buddyrich i totally agree with you i find that very annoying two when i go shopping i like to be left in peace instead of being told were to go.

Northener you should listen to yourself maybey you should change your name from northener to Victor Meldrew lol you do have a valid point

[Phill]

Satanists are planning on opening a vegetarian laundry in Pulteneytown.

I bet that's bloodywell subsidised by some leftwing lilly livered PC loony "it's society's fault" tree hugging hippy quango too!

How quaint!

[northener]

......Northener you should listen to yourself maybey you should change your name from northener to Victor Meldrew lol

Aw, shucks.
That's the nicest thing anyones said about me for a long time. I'm flattered.

[opel]

[quote=northener;627579]I don't think they go far enough.

I believe that many of the customers need herding with electric cattle prods, as they're quite incapable of being in the store without blocking the aisles whilst wittering away to their halfwit chums.

Many seem unable to differentiate between queueing at a till for the purpose of purchasing goods and standing at a till slack-jawed and dribbling whilst they fanny around with 37 outdated coupons (from Asda or Lidl) and then begin trying to find a two pence piece in the botton corner of their overstuffed bag rather than break into a twenty pence piece, whilst all the time droning on about the lack of small independant retailers in Wick and what that woman said up the street about the cat in Dempster Street and how Satanists are planning on opening a vegetarian laundry in Pulteneytown.

They should all be taken to a railway siding, loaded into trucks and......


.....and relax......

... to true.. to true, i hedtae laff readin that!
line of customers building up and up.... and yep the customer yer servin is still lookin for that odd penny.. then efter 5 mins ..nope they dinnae hev enuff! so anither 5 minutes puttin all the dross back in the purse/pocket!! customers can be just as much hassle as staff can be beleive u me!!
we're never happy one way or anither!!

[Phill]

Sheesh, it would never happen in ASDA though, eh?

I remember from back in Mancunia in the few days before Christmas wifey had the fine idea of beating the queues and heading off to a 24hr Asda at 4AM.

We spent an hour or so in the busy as heck store gathering all our xmas goddies on which to be overly gluttonous with before heading off to the rammed checkouts, we waited and waited and then an Asdammandant started to play silly s with the queues and dragged us off to another checkout and put us in a longer queue!
And then tried to put people in front of us that had just rocked up to the checkout!!!!!

Me being my shiney smiley best after a couple of hours sleep and another hour of hellonearthasdamongering had a few choice words to say before leaving a massively overloaded trolley with said Asdammandant.

Happy infarction Christmas were my parting words I believe however they didn't seem full of the Christmas spirit.

[kriklah]

its the ones that try to help me at the self service tills that bug me!!! SELF service!!! means i want to do it mySELF rather than have someone else screw up my method of bag packing, putting the eggs at the bottom of the bag or overfilling a bag so it splits before reaching the trolly, or putting large items like the 12 pack of cat tins in a bag........come on, if i wanted help id have gone to one of the goons at the tills for "assistance"

[Bazeye]

My mates a taxi driver and he told me that he once picked a fare up at Morrisons. After loading her trolley full of Groceries and waiting for her to take her trolley back he asked her where to? The blue mondeo at the other end of the carpark. He told me if he hadnt already loaded her bags he'd have just drove off and left her there. Mind you it was 50 yards away.

[northener]

My mates a taxi driver and he told me that he once picked a fare up at Morrisons. After loading her trolley full of Groceries and waiting for her to take her trolley back he asked her where to? The blue mondeo at the other end of the carpark. He told me if he hadnt already loaded her bags he'd have just drove off and left her there. Mind you it was 50 yards away.

You'd be suprised just how lazy some people can be whe it comes to taking taxis.

Camps bar to Wetherspoons? (about 80 yards)...no problem sir, i'll just stick the meter on....

[tonkatojo]

You'd be suprised just how lazy some people can be whe it comes to taking taxis.

Camps bar to Wetherspoons? (about 80 yards)...no problem sir, i'll just stick the meter on....

Some folk have sore feet others are plain lazy, how do you differentiate ??.

[Phill]

Camps bar to Wetherspoons? (about 80 yards)...no problem sir, i'll just stick the meter on....

Aww c'mon. That's a hellova crawl when it's pishing down!

[Turquoise]

You'd be suprised just how lazy some people can be whe it comes to taking taxis.

Camps bar to Wetherspoons? (about 80 yards)...no problem sir, i'll just stick the meter on....

I think the best one I ever heard was Top Joe's to the Central...

[catherine nicol]

I don't think that I have laughed so hard in ages, fantastic warmer on a chilly day like today.

[tonkatojo]

I don't think that I have laughed so hard in ages, fantastic warmer on a chilly day like today.

:l

Was it you ??.

[cherokee]

Was in Homebase (Wick) at the weekend and needed some assistance, from an assistant !!!!!

Well, I searched the lower floor all over...... not even one Homebase employee to be found ... anywhere !!!!!

We ended up going to the "help/check out", where the lassie there was very helpful, but she had to leave her desk unmanned (leaving only one check out for other customers) 'til she managed to assist us with our enquiry !!

I really felt for the lass on the other counter, as her queue had at least ten people in it.........and still no sign of any other Homebase employees around !!!!!!

On a busy (it was "Fun Day", also 10% discount day at Homebase !!) Saturday, I thought this was pretty dire customer service !!!!!

[BNL Are Me]

To play devil's advocate, they are under a lot of pressure in Tesco because the queues at the tills are monitored in a somewhat draconian fashion using a system called "one in front." Those black balls above all the tills aren't cameras, they're infra-red sensors that are used to monitor the number of people in a queue at any given time. Not that that's, well, sinister or anything!

[grumpy1]

seems like someones had a bad day.....

seems to me those poor folk are damned if they do...damned if they dont...although i do agree manners maketh the man..... theres no need for anyone to be rude to anyone.....but hey that works both ways....