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Thread: If your Spouse/Partner passed away tomorrow...

  1. #1
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    Default If your Spouse/Partner passed away tomorrow...

    ... would you be able to access their online life?

    As more and more parts of our lives move online how much access would you have to your partner/spouse's online accounts? Many people now bank online, are members of social networks such as facebook and our fair forum. How much trouble would it be for you to gain access to your partner's bank without knowing the login details?

    I know a lot of people have used their partner's work e-mail to register for our forum and for other things, what would you do if access to that e-mail account was stopped?

    These issuses were raised recently on the BBC's "Click" and I thought it would be a good idea to raise it here as food for thought.

  2. #2

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    well if u never knew your partners password for the email account you'd be up the burnie without a wellyboot on, as you'd first need that to reset there passwords for sites such as facebook, .org an so on. Like that BBC Click, its a good show...

  3. #3
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    I've scripted my login details etc in an e-mail I have set on a months delay, which I keep putting forward, well not my login details but instructions on where to find a USB key with a password DB, what to do etc and the e-mail has the password to that. The e-mails on a server I rent quarterly. Its not the best solution, but I can't think of a better one.

  4. #4
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    I can understand about the bank/bills details but why would you need to access anything else? Surely even after someone is deceased, accessing their email and social networking is a bit of a violation of their privacy? Even online banks have customer services - that would be my first post of call.

  5. #5
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    Eeeuuwwww!

    I don't think I want peeps probing into my online affairs when I'm gone.

    If my missus ever found the emails from my girlfriends, mistress's, boyfriends and Thai brides she'd kill me.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Niall Fernie View Post
    ... would you be able to access their online life?

    As more and more parts of our lives move online how much access would you have to your partner/spouse's online accounts? Many people now bank online, are members of social networks such as facebook and our fair forum. How much trouble would it be for you to gain access to your partner's bank without knowing the login details?

    I know a lot of people have used their partner's work e-mail to register for our forum and for other things, what would you do if access to that e-mail account was stopped?

    These issuses were raised recently on the BBC's "Click" and I thought it would be a good idea to raise it here as food for thought.
    I have had my wife set down at my computer and ran through all my financial records and have even written them down for her in case I pass on, but I don't know how she would do. She has her own computer and spends her time on that one. Hopefully, if she needs to get into our online banking records she will be able to do that. I change my passwords often and they are the maximum 20 characters and would be difficult for her to remember. She would probably have to go to our bank and update herself. Hopefully, she would not have to do that.

  7. #7
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    It is a nightmare ! My husband did all the banking /insurance/househld bills etc on line via his computer at work, There is no paper trails of any consequence to find out what who when and where from bills were paid, etc etc We had only been together a short time, he was used to doing it all for himself and he knew more of the langauage than I do. He held family names addresses and the like also in his work pc he spent more time there than at home for many years so needed access there not from home. The nature of his work meant that some parts of his work were not accessible from his home pc. The only way I could find what there was anywhere was to get access to the personal parts of his work computer which is not as easy as it sounds. It is awful having to go through all his personal things no matter what they are but it is necessary to find out all you need to have for lawyers, daily bills and what to cancel/claim or whatever. As if losing him is not bad enough the aftermath has been and will continue to be, a nightmare, for some months yet.

    He was a member of many forums to do with his many hobbies and to see his name come up after he died was awful. I have had to work my way through as many as possible and notify them of his death and get his profiles removed. I am sure I have missed some and will one day in the future see his name and posts resurected by some unknowing member wanting to answer or question something in the thread.

    To access any customer service dept you first have to know you need to, we did not spend time discussing what he had where. Add to that a foreign language/system which is unfamilar to you and then add no will, deep burn and no wellies does not come close to mess to sort through by the surviving partner.

    Write your wills keep it up to date and list all the banks, insurances, shares, bills companies bank accounts EVERYTHING and keep it current also and tell the other where it is or do it together. My house will be order so none of my family have to go through this when I go.
    Images of Spain can be seen at valspages.com

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phill View Post
    Eeeuuwwww!

    I don't think I want peeps probing into my online affairs when I'm gone.

    If my missus ever found the emails from my girlfriends, mistress's, boyfriends and Thai brides she'd kill me.
    You probably wrote that as a joke and I do actually get it. However, what you say has a grain of truth in it. We all have secrets that we probably want to take to the grave with us and that is how it should be.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Niall Fernie View Post
    ... would you be able to access their online life?

    As more and more parts of our lives move online how much access would you have to your partner/spouse's online accounts? Many people now bank online, are members of social networks such as facebook and our fair forum. How much trouble would it be for you to gain access to your partner's bank without knowing the login details?

    I know a lot of people have used their partner's work e-mail to register for our forum and for other things, what would you do if access to that e-mail account was stopped?

    These issuses were raised recently on the BBC's "Click" and I thought it would be a good idea to raise it here as food for thought.
    Certainly pause for thought there but I'm wondering if this thinking of the future an sorting all lifes woes out before the worst happens is just down to the fact its you're "BIRTHDAY" ...................Happy 40th mister orgmaster ............

  10. #10
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    My personal thought is that your partner\s should know what important details there is t know, secrets are not part of an honest relationship ?

    If not then any important details should be part of you will these days.........
    STAY IN TUNE

  11. #11
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    Leaving a means of access to essential information is something that many people will not have allowed for, in the same way that many do not have a will. I would have thought that in many cases though, even for online accounts, there will often be bank and other paperwork left behind somewhere in the house that will be found and will reveal which banks are involved. The deceased may or may not have written down passwords to online accounts, but if not the banks can still be contacted and will eventually release the funds. I don't see why anyone would not keep bank paperwork if there are no passwords therein - no risk there?

    I have my passwords in a Word doc protected by another password that I know well - this is an easy to use function. You then have to trust someone enough to give them that password, or ask your bank / lawyer / priest to do that (maybe 2 of these). Oh, and it's a good idea to keep a copy of that Word doc somewhere else e.g. in a web-based e-mail, in case you lose your PC /Laptop.
    Last edited by daviddd; 14-Nov-09 at 09:22.
    Your vision will become clear
    Only when you look into your heart ....
    Who looks outside, dreams..
    Who looks inside, awakens.

  12. #12
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    Default If your Spouse/Partner passed away tomorrow...

    Everyone reading these posts: If you truly love your spouse and you are responsible for keeping track of your finances, think about the nightmare of what would happen if your spouse passes on and the other spouse is left behind. That goes for either spouse regardless of the sex. I try to impress this on my wife because I know the difficulty of keeping track of our finances. There have been some good comments by some posters of the difficulties that the surviving spouse must deal with. There are some who try to make this a joking matter, but it would not be a joke to the surviving spouse. Thank you Nial for your contribution on this matter.

  13. #13
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    I know my OH details for email, bank, user accounts, facebook etc etc and vice versa. Wouldn't be a problem.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Niall Fernie View Post
    ... would you be able to access their online life?

    As more and more parts of our lives move online how much access would you have to your partner/spouse's online accounts? Many people now bank online, are members of social networks such as facebook and our fair forum. How much trouble would it be for you to gain access to your partner's bank without knowing the login details?

    I know a lot of people have used their partner's work e-mail to register for our forum and for other things, what would you do if access to that e-mail account was stopped?

    These issuses were raised recently on the BBC's "Click" and I thought it would be a good idea to raise it here as food for thought.
    I would say if you were a couple or partners and have an online account which was finincial or bill related you should really both have a joint account really so u both no the same login details because if you log into your partners account without consent that could be seen as fraud if you no what i mean but if your partner passed away i would imagine you would have to phone up the place were your account was at and tell them your circumstances and they will advise you on what to do next.
    But having said that if your partner has past away and they have online accounts like bebo twitter and caithness org and so on more of social account i think that type of accounts should be deleted and the other partner should not get the login details because for all anyone knows there might be personal details or info good or bad that wasnt meant for there partners to read or know about could cause a lot of hastle for everyone and not only that the privacy should still be respected when that person passes away.
    And if u was wanting to gain access to to someone account that uses your same computer all you have to do is install a keyboard logger software and u will no every single key that is pressed on your computer or failing that im sure if you took your computer to a proffesional they could retrieve password and login details
    Last edited by EDDIE; 14-Nov-09 at 16:30.

  15. #15
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    Received in the mail today details of the Co-op pre payment funeral plan as unsolicited junk mail.

    Enclosed was a small booklet to record all the details to enable access to accounts, stocks and shares etc., for the person dealing with your affairs to find. Basic information, but invaluable in the right hands at the right time.

    In the last year we have had to deal with the financial misery left behind when my brother in law, and sister in law passed away ten months apart. The financial mess of the first was nothing compared with the mess of the second, and I can not see where the misery will end.
    Making tomorrow`s memories today

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldmarine View Post
    There are some who try to make this a joking matter, but it would not be a joke to the surviving spouse. Thank you Nial for your contribution on this matter.

    Joking aside I am stumped as to why so many couples actually have separate accounts, and lives almost.
    Our online (and offline) bank accounts are joint so no huge issues there.

    I guess that with most online social sites I'd bet you would be violating the TOS even if you did know your other half's passwords etc.

    If when I've cashed my chips in, Mrs Wifey will be able to easily work out everything my online life descended to by opening my laptop.

    And I think that most people will find that when your better half passes you'll have to write to any commercial or financial body to sort anything out anyway.
    Last edited by Phill; 15-Nov-09 at 00:37.

  17. #17
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    We have separate accounts and after I die, I draw comfort from the fact that the banks will get my all my money to mitigate further tax increases on the poor.
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rheghead View Post
    We have separate accounts and after I die, I draw comfort from the fact that the banks will get my all my money to mitigate further tax increases on the poor.

    You must have some money stashed away if you think it is in anyway going to mitigate taxes.
    In which case they'd tax us more for the cost of disposing your accumulated wealth, and the wa bankers would get a bonus just for turning up.
    A double bonus for finding a way to rob us blind, sorry, implement efficiency strategies.
    And a treble bonus for grabbing your cash, giving themselves a bonus, offsetting your cash against the public purse (quadruple bonus for that) and then borrowing those bonuses' back from the government to supplement their original bonus scheme and secure their pension rights (with bonuses').

    Phew! Who'd be a banker?

  19. #19
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    When I became ill, I sat down with HID and made sure she new how to access everything. (I'm pushing 70)
    Online banking is the easiest, as long as you have the cards and the pin, you can use it until you sort it out. They have no way of knowing who is using the card.
    But I'm still here, and hope to be for a month or two yet.
    You can fool some of the people some of the time - but never all of the people all of the time!!

  20. #20
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    In answer to some points raised in previous posts I write this.

    Many people are in second relationships/marriages. In my case my late husband had his accounts and bill paying methods etc etc all set up long before I moved to Spain. I don't think it crossed either of our minds to go and change any of it. I also don't think all coules SHOULD have joint accounts, it is matter of individual choices.

    We both had lives before meeting each other, were members on forums for all sorts of hobbies/information etc and over time I think we both knew about most of them but never spent time swapping usernames/passwords etc I don't think we thought of any need. To have profiles deleted anywhere first you need to know there is one then you need at least a username before you can contact forum/site to have it deleted.

    If you opt out of paper statements then there is unlikely to be any correspondence unless you have a problem and even then most likely it will be by e mails. When your partner dealt with all banking/bills through his works pc parts of which are password secure due to the nature of his work you need the permission and help of the in house IT dept. to access the personal side. I was lucky they were quite happy to do this for and spent some considerable time converting files so I could take away a dvd and sort through it at home rather than in his office.

    Invasion of the privacy of the deceased is not possible when you need to have the information to continue to have bills paid and notify lawyers of all there is for the estate of the deceased.

    I think some folks are missing the point, to contact ANY company about the deceased you have to first know of them! The first thing new partners don't do is swop all that all kind of information, well at least we did not we were far to busy enjoying each others company and the death of either of us way way far ahead, we like so many others thought we had plenty time to sort out that side of our life.

    My thoughts are now, that my affairs will all be put in order to save any of my family having to go through the added stress of doing what I am having to do now.
    Images of Spain can be seen at valspages.com

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