Guide to being Politically Correct!

[elaine]

Alive - temporarily metabolically abled.
Body Odour - nondiscretionary fragrance.
Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled
Clumsy - uniquely coordinated
Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced
Cowboys - bovine control officers
Dead - metabolically challenged
Earthquake - geological correction
Fat - person of substance
Gang - Youth Group
Having PMS - cyclically challenged
Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers
Incompetent - Differently Qualified
Insane People - Mental Explorers (my favourite – hee hee!)
Janitor - sanitation engineer
Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path
Messy - differently organized
Old - chronologically gifted
Psychopath - socially misaligned
Redneck - rustically inclined
Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist
Tone Deaf - musically delayed
Ugly - Cosmetically different.
Vomiting - Unplanned Re-examination of Recent Food Choices
White - melanin-impoverished

[obiron]

my house is full of mental explorers and differently organised people better than calling them a bunch of pigs for a change.

[elaine]

He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He does not: Hog the blankets, he is: Thermally unappreciative
He is not: Unsophisticated, he is: Socially malformed
He does not: Eat like a pig, he suffers from: Reverse bulimia
He is not a: Male chauvinist pig, he has: Swine empathy
He is not: Quiet, he is a: Conversational minimalist
He is not: Afraid of commitment, he is: Monogamously challenged
He is not: Stupid, he suffers from: Minimal cranial development
He does not: Get lost all the time, he discovers: Alternative destinations
He is not: Balding, he is in: Follicle regression
He does not: Fart and belch, he is: Gastronomically expressive
He is not a: Cradle robber, he prefers: Generationally differential relationships
He does not get: Falling down drunk, he becomes: Accidentally horizontal
He is not: Short, he is: Anatomically compact
He does not: Constantly talk about cars, he has a: Vehicular addiction

[Billy Boy]

He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He does not: Hog the blankets, he is: Thermally unappreciative
He is not: Unsophisticated, he is: Socially malformed
He does not: Eat like a pig, he suffers from: Reverse bulimia
He is not a: Male chauvinist pig, he has: Swine empathy
He is not: Quiet, he is a: Conversational minimalist
He is not: Afraid of commitment, he is: Monogamously challenged
He is not: Stupid, he suffers from: Minimal cranial development
He does not: Get lost all the time, he discovers: Alternative destinations
He is not: Balding, he is in: Follicle regression
He does not: Fart and belch, he is: Gastronomically expressive
He is not a: Cradle robber, he prefers: Generationally differential relationships
He does not get: Falling down drunk, he becomes: Accidentally horizontal
He is not: Short, he is: Anatomically compact
He does not: Constantly talk about cars, he has a: Vehicular addiction

you talking about my husband lol