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Thread: Thursday Jokey Wokey!

  1. #41
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    What did the giraffe say when he ordered drinks at the cocktail bar?

    "The Highballs are on me"....

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by angela5
    What did the giraffe say when he ordered drinks at the cocktail bar?

    "The Highballs are on me"....
    Good one!!!Angela 5.

    Man walked into a bar and said,"Ouch!!!!,I must be foo!!!!!!"
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  3. #43

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    Two ladies sitting on a park bench when two guys who have just finished a tennis match walk past. The guy has a tennis ball in his shorts pocket. One of the women on the bench looks quite taken aback at the guys pocket.
    "It's only a tennis ball" says the man.
    "Blimey", says the woman "I've heard tennis elbow is sore but you must be in agony!".
    LMAO.....that is funny..lol
    Don't wrestle with pigs, you just get all dirty and the pig enjoys it.

  4. #44
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    I've ran out of jokes.
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  5. #45
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    Cow in hole

    First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
    Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
    First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head.

  6. #46
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    Default Revenge is sweet

    There once was an old couple who had been married for 30 years.
    Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wifes annoyance.

    "you'll fart your guts out one of these days," she complained.
    After a particulary bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's bum.

    While she was cooking breakfast she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream..20 minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.."you were right all along" the old man say's " i finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of god, and these 2 fingers i managed to push 'em back in!"

  7. #47

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    A skeleton walks in to a bar. He says to the barman

    "Can I have a pint of beer and a mop"??...........

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abdullah
    Cow in hole

    First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
    Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
    First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head.

    good one....

  9. #49

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Abdullah
    Cow in hole

    First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
    Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
    First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head.
    I really hope you dont get suspended for that one!!

  10. #50
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    ,"My Gran got lost at the railway station so I was centimetre!!!!!"
    that is so much like the "contagious" joke that would get me banned from here!
    Last edited by grantyg; 05-Mar-06 at 00:58.

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by girnigoe
    A skeleton walks in to a bar. He says to the barman

    "Can I have a pint of beer and a mop"??...........
    Very good

    Q. Why should you always take a mushroom to a disco?


    A. Because he's a fungi to be with.
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  12. #52

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by angela5
    There once was an old couple who had been married for 30 years.
    Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wifes annoyance.

    "you'll fart your guts out one of these days," she complained.
    After a particulary bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's bum.

    While she was cooking breakfast she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream..20 minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.."you were right all along" the old man say's " i finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of god, and these 2 fingers i managed to push 'em back in!"
    eeeeooooowwww.. yeeeuuuchhhh!!!!

  13. #53

    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by grantyg
    that is so much like the "contagious" joke that would get me banned from here!

    i know the one and yes it would

    I have an absolutely BRILLIANT one which isnt too bad but I darent post it just in case!!

    If anyone wants to hear it PM me...

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    Very good

    Q. Why should you always take a mushroom to a disco?


    A. Because he's a fungi to be with.
    Ahhhhhhhh!!2little2late my fellow joke miester,but why should you NOT take the fungi to the disco?

    Because there's no' mushroom' on the dancefloor!!!!
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by girnigoe
    I really hope you dont get suspended for that one!!
    semantics

  16. #56
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    1. two ANTENNAS MEET IN A BAR AND get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

    5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" ..........................."It's Not Unusual."

    9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

    13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

    14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

    18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abdullah
    1. two ANTENNAS MEET IN A BAR AND get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

    5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" ..........................."It's Not Unusual."

    9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

    13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

    14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

    18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
    Ye must be a fast typer Abdullah!!!!
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  18. #58
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    How can you find Dolly Parton's kids in a crowd?

    They're the ones with the stretchmarks on their lips...

  19. #59
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    Two cannibals in the pup discussing their holidays abroad.
    One says to the other,
    "But where's your arm?"
    The other one says,
    "The holiday was self catering"
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  20. #60

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    [QUOTE=Abdullah]12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

    16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.[QUOTE]

    Brilliant! Just my sense of humour!!

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