Caithness Map :: Links to Site Map Paying too much for broadband? Move to PlusNet broadband and save£££s. Free setup now available - terms apply. PlusNet broadband.  
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 85

Thread: Thursday Jokey Wokey!

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default

    "Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn New York have gone on strike.

    Hospital officals say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Two teddy bears got a job on a building site as labourers helping demolish buildings etc. Both teddies had their tools for the job. They were both hacking away all day with their pick axes. Any way they both had their lunch break and when they went back to work, one of the teddy bears saw that his pick axe was missing. After about an hour of searching they decided to report it missing to the foreman.

    The foreman says, "Didn't you know?"
    "Know what" ask the teddy bears.

    The foreman replies.
    "Todays the day that teddy bears have their picks nicked".
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    86

    Default

    Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.

    Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.

    As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".

    Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?". Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".

    To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default

    hee...hee..good one Abdullah.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Wick,Caithness,Scotland,The World
    Posts
    2,269

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    Two ladies sitting on a park bench when two guys who have just finished a tennis match walk past. The guy has a tennis ball in his shorts pocket. One of the women on the bench looks quite taken aback at the guys pocket.
    "It's only a tennis ball" says the man.
    "Blimey", says the woman "I've heard tennis elbow is sore but you must be in agony!".

    Good one 2little2late.


    Two flies are sitting on a dog poo in New York,when one of them starts to get a bit nervous.

    The other fly asks"Whats up with you man?"

    The other one says "We better scarper because that guy over there has just said the SWAT team is coming in!!!!!!!"
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cedric Farthsbottom III
    Good one 2little2late.


    Two flies are sitting on a dog poo in New York,when one of them starts to get a bit nervous.

    The other fly asks"Whats up with you man?"

    The other one says "We better scarper because that guy over there has just said the SWAT team is coming in!!!!!!!"
    very good mate.
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    After Michael Jackson's recent child abuse trial, all his family decided to go back to his Neverland ranch. Once inside Michael's mother suggested watching a DVD.

    "I know", said Michael "We'll get Alladin"

    "Michael!!" shouts his mother. "Don't start those tricks again.
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default

    A seven year old girl told her mum, " A boy in class asked me to play doctor".

    "oh, dear, the mother nervously sighed. "what happened honey?"

    "nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double billed the in
    insurance company".

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Wick,Caithness,Scotland,The World
    Posts
    2,269

    Default

    A teacher says to her class,"Today I would like you all to say a sentence with centimetre in it."

    Wee Angela5 puts her hand up and says,"There is 100 centimetres in a metre."

    Wee DrSzin puts his hand up and says,"There are 10 millimetres in a centimetre"

    Wee 2little2late puts his hand up and says,"My Gran got lost at the railway station so I was centimetre!!!!!"
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cedric Farthsbottom III
    A teacher says to her class,"Today I would like you all to say a sentence with centimetre in it."

    Wee Angela5 puts her hand up and says,"There is 100 centimetres in a metre."

    Wee DrSzin puts his hand up and says,"There are 10 millimetres in a centimetre"

    Wee 2little2late puts his hand up and says,"My Gran got lost at the railway station so I was centimetre!!!!!"
    hee...hee Wee witty Cedric.......good one...

  11. #31
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cedric Farthsbottom III
    A teacher says to her class,"Today I would like you all to say a sentence with centimetre in it."

    Wee Angela5 puts her hand up and says,"There is 100 centimetres in a metre."

    Wee DrSzin puts his hand up and says,"There are 10 millimetres in a centimetre"

    Wee 2little2late puts his hand up and says,"My Gran got lost at the railway station so I was centimetre!!!!!"
    Excellent. just love it.
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    The bairns in class had to write a sentence with the word "Fascinate" in the sentence.

    Angela5 wrote, My dad said "Watch this trick it will FASCINATE you"

    Cuddlepop wrote, My dad said "Watch this illusion on the T.V. it will FASCINATE you".

    Cedric farthsbottom III wrote, "My duffle coat has twelve buttons on it but I can only FASCINATE".
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    86

    Default

    What's orange and sounds like a parrot?



















    A carrot

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default Glad to be drunk

    A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, " I've got to take you in, pal. you're obviously drunk".
    Our wasted freind asked "officer, are you sure i'm drunk?"
    "yeah, buddy, i'm sure", said the copper, let's go.
    Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, i thought i was crippled".

  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Wick,Caithness,Scotland,The World
    Posts
    2,269

    Default

    Drug addict runs into a pet store and says,"Give me all your money,or give me some drugs."

    Pet store owner says,"I've just opened so i have no money and as for the drugs I can't give you them either because.................the parrots eat em all!!!!"
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,335

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    The bairns in class had to write a sentence with the word "Fascinate" in the sentence.

    Angela5 wrote, My dad said "Watch this trick it will FASCINATE you"

    Cuddlepop wrote, My dad said "Watch this illusion on the T.V. it will FASCINATE you".

    Cedric farthsbottom III wrote, "My duffle coat has twelve buttons on it but I can only FASCINATE".
    hee...hee..good one..

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Wick,Caithness,Scotland,The World
    Posts
    2,269

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    The bairns in class had to write a sentence with the word "Fascinate" in the sentence.

    Angela5 wrote, My dad said "Watch this trick it will FASCINATE you"

    Cuddlepop wrote, My dad said "Watch this illusion on the T.V. it will FASCINATE you".

    Cedric farthsbottom III wrote, "My duffle coat has twelve buttons on it but I can only FASCINATE".
    Hee-hheeeee!!!!good one pal!!! We're on a roll 2little2late,Angela5,Abdullah keep it going!!!!!
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Two sausages and two rashers of bacon in a frying pan.
    One sausage says to the other
    "It's hot in here isn't it?"

    Then a rasher of bacon says to his mate,
    "Did you hear that a talking sausage?"

    Two eggs in a pan of boiling water, one says to the other,
    "It's flippin hot in here"

    Then the other one says,
    "Wait until you get out they smash your head in".
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    86

    Default

    The captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a night ashore.

    As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over his uniform. Pointing to a young seaman at the head of the gangway, he shouted, 'give that man five days in the brig for spewing on his captain.'

    Next morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days.

    He asked the chief mate why. 'Well Cap'n when we got you undressed we found he'd also sh1t your underpants.'


  20. #40
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Wick,Caithness,Scotland,The World
    Posts
    2,269

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2little2late
    Two sausages and two rashers of bacon in a frying pan.
    One sausage says to the other
    "It's hot in here isn't it?"

    Then a rasher of bacon says to his mate,
    "Did you hear that a talking sausage?"

    Two eggs in a pan of boiling water, one says to the other,
    "It's flippin hot in here"

    Hee-hee!!!!!

    Then the other one says,
    "Wait until you get out they smash your head in".
    Hee -hee!!!!

    Two boiled eggs sitting in the egg cups having a blether.

    One says "I think we've started a revolution."

    "Hows that",says the other one

    "Cos i hear their sending the soldiers in!!!!!!!!!!"
    Their coming to take me away.....haha-hee-hee-ho-ho

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •