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Thread: Mondays Joke!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Cumbernauld
    Posts
    441

    Talking Mondays Joke!

    A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway
    when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
    She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

    After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she
    hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
    When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves.
    "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
    The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
    The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

    YAKKKKK

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Posts
    606

    Smile mondays joke

    urrrgh, yak and more yak but you cant help but laugh at the same time can you, Grantyg you have a distinct knack of making mey day keep up the good work!

  3. #3
    unicorn Guest

    Default

    yeeeeeeuuuuccccccchhhhhh

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Wick
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    A shark was swimming through the sea when he chanced upon a squid lying on the seabed. The shark stopped and asked the squid if he was o.k.

    "As a matter of fact I feel absolutely awful, I think a trip to the doctors might help"

    "Alright" says the shark "Jump on my back and I'll take you there".

    "Thanks", says the squid.

    So the squid jumps onto the shark's back. After swimming for about five minutes they came across another shark. The two sharks stopped to talk and chatted for about ten minutes.

    "Anyway, I must go now says the shark with the squid on his back, see you later",
    "O.K. says the second shark.
    They swim off, when all of a sudden the shark with the squid on his back shouts to the second shark.
    "Come back a minute!"

    "What is it?" says the second shark,

    The first shark says,
    "By the way, here's that sick squid I owe you"
    A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49 percent of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

  5. #5

    Default

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem.
    I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
    "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
    They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
    "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.
    "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
    Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
    "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
    After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence.
    Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

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