Worlds funniest joke

[angela5]

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

[pultneytooner]

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.

[angela5]

How does a blonde spell farm?


E-I-E-I-O

[angela5]

Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?


To avoid the draft.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

What do ye call the birds who go into battle first?The Parrotroopers.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

How does a blonde spell farm?


E-I-E-I-O

Nice one Angela.

A fly goes into a blondes head and suddenly becomes a Space Invader.

[angela5]

How do you get a twinkle in a blondes eyes?


Put a flashlight in her ear.

[angela5]

Monday: Now home from our honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I only had four bowls, so I had to borrow eight more from the neighbors to beat the eggs in, but the cake turned out fine!

Tuesday: I thought I'd surprise Bill with a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said "serve without dressing". Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper, and did they ever look surprised when I served that salad!

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice". So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I went next door to my Mom's garden and tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bill came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bill went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for dinner. I sure don't know how chickens dress for dinner, but I found an old scarf and made a cute little pair of pants for it! I thought it looked darling! When Bill saw it he made a funny strangling sound and then counted very slowly to 10!

Sunday: Today Bill's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the fridge was hamburger. So I put the hamburger in my new oven and set the control for "roast". The oven must not be working right because it still came out hamburger!

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Two guys are taking the mickey oot o' the blonde who works in their office.

One of the guys say,"Can ye pop down to Woolies and get us a tin of Tartan Paint?"

The blonde says,"No problem.",and disappears.

Both guys burst out laughing.Their left speechless,when the blonde returns with the tin o' Tartan Paint.

How did she manage to get it?

[katarina]

Two guys are taking the mickey oot o' the blonde who works in their office.

One of the guys say,"Can ye pop down to Woolies and get us a tin of Tartan Paint?"

The blonde says,"No problem.",and disappears.

Both guys burst out laughing.Their left speechless,when the blonde returns with the tin o' Tartan Paint.

How did she manage to get it?

I give up.

[grantyg]

Tart IN paint perhaps???

[bigjjuk]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?????


a fsh

[Saveman]

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, middle aged man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and says to the shepherd:
"Hi my name is Brad, If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers:
"Sure. Why not?"
Brad parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
Then he opens the digital photo in AdobE Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQ database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas.
He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized
HP LaserJet printer and turns to the shepherd and says:
"You have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says
the shepherd.
He watches as Brad selects one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to Brad:
"Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
Brad thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the shepherd.
That's correct," says Brad, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know squat about my business... Now give me back my dog."

[krieve]

How does a blonde spell farm?


E-I-E-I-O


Lmao angela good one

[Donnie]

Did you hear about the Scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize?
He was outstanding in his field.



Two hydrogen atoms walk into a pub.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive.



Why is milk really fast?
Because it's pasteurised before you see it.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

I give up.

Sorry Katrina for leaving ye in the lurch.Mind ye Grantyg's answer IS better!!!

The blonde went into Woolies and asked for Tartan Paint.

The Woolies staff were laughing and thinking 'no again!!!!'.But after hearing her story,they thought they would get her revenge for her on her two workmates.

So they got a tin o' Woolies white gloss and put a Jimmy hat on it and made a wee kilt with a sporran to go around the tin.Voila.......Tartan Paint!!!!!!

[2little2late]

I'm not saying it's cold in my bedroom but, when I woke up this morning there was an icecube in the bed, when it melted it went pphhhhrrrrrrttttt.

[connieb19]

Q .. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A .. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Q .. Why can't the blonde make ice cubes?
A .. She lost the recipe.

Q .. How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?
A .. With a thought.

Q .. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A .. The noise gave her a headache.

Q .. How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work?
A .. She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.

Q .. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A .. Perri-air.

Q .. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A .. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q .. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A .. When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q .. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A .. She missed.

Q .. What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A .. Data transfer.

[angela5]

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

[angela5]

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."