Worlds funniest joke

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Two caterpillars were sitting on a lettuce leaf contemplating life and having a rare wee blether.

Suddenly a beautiful butterfly flies over their head,does a loop the loop,a figure of 8 then flutters off.

Both caterpillars look at each other.One says,"Man ye would never get me up in one o' those."

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Three cows are standing in a field just getting ready for going in for milking.

One of the cows says,"Where's Daisy the day?"

The second cow says,"I think she's on holiday."

"Aye she is on holiday,"says the third cow,"she told me at the weekend that she was going to have a wee calf!!!!!"

[krieve]

lol cedric farthsbottom good one

[connieb19]

Three cows are standing in a field just getting ready for going in for milking.

One of the cows says,"Where's Daisy the day?"

The second cow says,"I think she's on holiday."

"Aye she is on holiday,"says the third cow,"she told me at the weekend that she was going to have a wee calf!!!!!"

Cedric...why have you changed your name?

[star]

A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with
delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how
ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care.
I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts
of an 18 year-old."

The husband said, "What did he say about your 57 year old arse?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

[angela5]

hee...hee...good one star.

[Ashes]

History of Valentines day
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that
they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,"
she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would
get mad who do you want to give a Valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she
says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know,"Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the
Marines could shoot the #####################."

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Cedric...why have you changed your name?

Its nothing sinister,just felt the rest o' my name was becoming a bit of a mouthful.Have been on the org. now for a wee while,so no need for surnames!!!!!!

[ice box]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual., "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

[2little2late]

What do you call a blonde with a brain?

Gifted.

[ice box]

What do you call a blonde with a brain?

Gifted.

nice one lol

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

What do ye call a blonde in Glasgow University?

The dinner lady who serves ma tatties

[angela5]

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

[connieb19]

[angela5]

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

[angela5]

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

Hee-hee!!!

How do ye confuse a blonde?

Give her 2 bananas and say their a pair.

[ice box]

A blonde dials 999 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 999 operator says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 999 operators telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

[angela5]

Hee-hee!!!

How do ye confuse a blonde?

Give her 2 bananas and say their a pair.

hee...hee...


What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?

Oh no, I'm going to fall again!

[angela5]

A blonde dials 999 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 999 operator says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 999 operators telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

hee...hee...