Worlds funniest joke

[Abdullah]

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

[2little2late]

I bought a chicken curry takeaway tonight but the chicken was quite tough. I took it back to the chinky and told them,
"Excuse me, I bought this tonight and the chicken is rubbery"

"Thank you very much was the reply".

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

I bought a chicken curry takeaway tonight but the chicken was quite tough. I took it back to the chinky and told them,
"Excuse me, I bought this tonight and the chicken is rubbery"

"Thank you very much was the reply".

Hee-hee!!!!!

Oor Wullie was walking doon the street wi Fat Boab and they met an American tourist.

"Whats that?,says the American.

Oor Wullie says,"Thats a Loch".

The tourist says,"Oh in the States we have puddles bigger than that!"

The tourist then asks,"Whats that?"

Oor Wullie says,"thats a dog".

The tourist says,"In the States we have rats bigger than that."

The tourist says,"Whats that thing that old woman has there."

Oor Wullie says,"Thats a tattie."

The tourist says,"Thats not very big,we grow peas bigger that in the States."

Oor Wullie replies,"Aye,but here in Scotland we grow oor tatties to fit oor mouths."

[2little2late]

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings but Walt Disney.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

What did the grape say when it got run over?

Nothin'..................it just let oot a wee whine!!!!!!

[2little2late]

Why did the rabbit cross the road?

Because it was the chickens day off.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

The local optician walks into Wick High School and is looking lost.

The headmaster says,"Hello there,can I help you?"

The optician says,"I've just heard that one of your teachers is finding it hard to control one of his pupils!!!!!!"

[2little2late]

The local optician walks into Wick High School and is looking lost.

The headmaster says,"Hello there,can I help you?"

The optician says,"I've just heard that one of your teachers is finding it hard to control one of his pupils!!!!!!"

Hee hee....

[2little2late]

This guy goes to he ice cream man and asks for a 99.
The ice cream man asks
"Would you like crushed nuts?"
The guy replies
"Would you like a punch on the nose?"

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

This guy goes to he ice cream man and asks for a 99.
The ice cream man asks
"Would you like crushed nuts?"
The guy replies
"Would you like a punch on the nose?"

Ye made me spill ma tinnie there jokemeister....hee...ho!!!!!!!!

The fire engine rushes by Bridge Street wi' the siren goin full blast.

The driver notices this wee boy running behind them and says to one o' his crew,"that wee guy has been following us from Sinclair Terrace do ye think we're going the wrong way."

So the driver stops and says,"What is it boygee?"

Wee Cedric says,"Aye big man,can ye gie us 20 pink flumps and a bottle o' Irn Bru!!!!!!"

[2little2late]

Ye made me spill ma tinnie there jokemeister....hee...ho!!!!!!!!

The fire engine rushes by Bridge Street wi' the siren goin full blast.

The driver notices this wee boy running behind them and says to one o' his crew,"that wee guy has been following us from Sinclair Terrace do ye think we're going the wrong way."

So the driver stops and says,"What is it boygee?"

Wee Cedric says,"Aye big man,can ye gie us 20 pink flumps and a bottle o' Irn Bru!!!!!!"

Love these kind of jokes. They are brill.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Love these kind of jokes. They are brill.

Know wit ye mean pal.Even the auld one's are good.Cos even the one's that ye have heard before bring a chuckle to ye.Thats me though,because I can remember some good memories wi' a joke.

Folk say,"What were ye doin' when JFK got assassinated or when John Lennon was murdered.".....to be truthful I cannae remember.But I can tell ye that a pal o' mine Ian,told me the joke I PM'd ye wi' the other day there about the tampon!!!!!!

[2little2late]

The wife came home the other day when I was packing her suitecase.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm packing your suitcase. I've won the lottery?" I replied.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
We're not going anywhere. You are now get lost!"

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

The wife came home the other day when I was packing her suitecase.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm packing your suitcase. I've won the lottery?" I replied.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
We're not going anywhere. You are now get lost!"

Two weeks later,"The wife phones and says,so a fortnight its been and are ye any happier after your lottery win."

The guy says,"Oh I was only joking,but it worked!!!!!"

[Marty McFly]

A Caithness couple decided to go to Florida tothaw out after this particularly icy spell. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their flights.

The husband left and flew to Florida onFriday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address ~ and without noticing his error, he sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile...somewhere else in Scotland...A widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her emails, expecting more messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Date: Saturday, 11th March 2006

Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love,
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS ...Sure is freaking hot down here!!

[angela5]

hee...hee...good one Marty Mcfly..

[angela5]

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

[krieve]

lol angela hee hee hee

[Saveman]

A Caithness couple decided to go to Florida tothaw out after this particularly icy spell. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their flights.

The husband left and flew to Florida onFriday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address ~ and without noticing his error, he sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile...somewhere else in Scotland...A widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her emails, expecting more messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Date: Saturday, 11th March 2006

Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love,
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS ...Sure is freaking hot down here!!

ROFL

[angela5]

A man and wife rushed into a dentist's office. The wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or numbing cream or anything because I'm in a terrible hurry.
“Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You're a brave woman,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”
The wife turned to her husband and said, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”