Worlds funniest joke

[teddybear1873]

This is supposed to be the worlds funniest joke
"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

What's the funniest joke you have heard...obviously it has to be clean

[angela5]

..i posted a clean joke once..it was removed so i'll keep away from posting more..i'll just enjoy everyone else's.

[MGB1979]

The other day I phoned up Pizza Hut and asked for a thin and
crusty supreme. They sent me Diana Ross.



A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the
barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber
smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get boobs too."

[angela5]

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the
barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber
smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get boobs too."

[teddybear1873]

The other day I phoned up Pizza Hut and asked for a thin and
crusty supreme. They sent me Diana Ross.



A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the
barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber
smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get boobs too."

wonder if that joke will be removed lol....like it though hahahahaha

[paris]

The other day I phoned up Pizza Hut and asked for a thin and
crusty supreme. They sent me Diana Ross.



A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the
barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber
smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get boobs too."

Brill joke, must remember it ! paris x

[star]

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.

WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
Because they are plugged into a genius


An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odour. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Dog walks into a saloon bar with a bandaged foot.The saloon falls silent and all the cowboys look up from their drinks.

The dog looks at them all and says "I'm looking for the man who shot ma paw!"...........................sorry!!!

[katarina]

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

[angela5]

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Good one Katarina.....

[connieb19]

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

is that a true story katarina...you should have put it on the most embarrasing thread...lol

[katarina]

What did the blonde say after having multiple orgasms?

Well done, team.

[Rheghead]

A guy walks into his local in the afternoon, orders a pint and starts to look very upset to the point of weeping into his beer. Concerned about this, the landlord asks the man what is wrong.

"My dog died today, he was sooo loyal and great company since my wife died, I am at a loss as to how I can remember him and how he was."

The landlord rather devilishly says "Why don't you dock the tail and hang it up in the pub, so whenever you come in for your pint, you will see the tail and you will never forget your faithful friend?

The man looks up happily and agrees to do this and walks out.

That evening, just as the customers were leaving, the man thanks the landlord for being so understanding about his grief as they both sit and admire the big fluffy tail which is hanging from one of the solid oaks beams.

All of a sudden, a ghostly four legged apparition walks through the pub and jumps up to the bar on 2 legs and speaks in a haunting, echoing voice...

"O Master! O Master! Can I have my tail back? I cannot go to doggy heaven without my tail!"

The landlord then angrily slams down the shutters on the doggy spectre's paws and shouts..." We do not retail spirits after 11 o'clock!!"

[mostlyharmless]

3 men stranded on a desert island, one day the first man is walking along the beach when he finds a lantern so he gives it a clean and out pops a genie.
I'm the genie of the lamp I'll grant you three wishes, wow thats great he said
and the other men gather round and they decide to have a wish each.

The first one says 'I really miss my family and friends at home can you send me back'.. poof he;s gone.
The second says 'I miss my wife so much and my dear children let me go back to see them'... poof he's gone.

The third man says ' Its such a desolate island and really lonely can I have my friends back........

A joke to think on ; What do you call a schizophrenic woman - Suzannne.

[angela5]

I just can't resist..i know i said i wont post jokes..



What's the best thing about having sex with a taxi driver?

He's never in a hurry to get from A to B and he'll often take as long as he can..