One Wee Scottish Farty ( Tae A Fart )
Here's another Cedric....
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin.
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Start looking like a gentle breeze.
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae,
A’body’s gonnae hae tae pay.
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But a’ the efforts go asunder,
Oot it comes like a clap O’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! A sonic boom.
God almighty it fairly reeks,
A’ hope a’ huvnae 'pooh'd' ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.
A’ body roon about me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin.
I’ll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.
It wis him ! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower.
Ye dirty ! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair.
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty
Anon
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