Jacques Cousteau I was that day
Snorkelling at the bottom of ma bath
Mr Matey in ma eyes
I couldnae say it was a laugh

But ma imagination goin crazy
I saw a great big whale
But it wis really ma rubber duck
So I've lived to tell the tale

When all of a sudden I got a smack
Across ma wee bare bum
Stickin oot aw the bath water
Like two islands in the sun

The water rushed into ma mouth
"Maw,wit are ye daein"
"Ya eejit"she says"ye never locked the door"
It was ma maw I wisnae for swearing

"I'm Jacques Cousteau",I shouts to her
"I'm scuba diving nice and steady"
Maw says"Get yer wee bare bum doon stairs
Cos the tea it is ready."