Corporate lingo (B.S.)

[skinnydog]

After hearing so called inteligent people goinig on about "stepping up to the plate" etc I was wondering what was the worst piece of corporate lingo (B.S.) have you heard.
The worst one I have come accross was "The difference between a torch and a laser? FOCUS"

[northener]

Oooh, I'll have to do some real 'outside the box' and 'blue sky' thinking on this one......

[Phoebus_Apollo]

"Synergy" is a particular favourite of mine...

[hotrod4]

Looking at the "bigger picture" I can see from my "vantage point" that it would not be a good "team building exercise" to construct sentences from bs. Having taken a "step out of the box" I can see that there is "no I in team" and feel that to achieve your potential you would have to "look beyond the horizon" to find words that actually make some sense, rather than adopt the "oblivious mentality" of the "non-team players".

[loobyloo]

The Office had some good ones: assume makes an ass out of u and me!!! That 'thinking outside the box' drives me bonkers, plus all that rubbish about 'positivity', which essentially means being a brown-noser Ditto, synergy.

[hotrod4]

"Synergy" is a particular favourite of mine...

Pest synergy

Pest synergy, for example, would occur in a biological host organism population, where the introduction of parasite A may cause 10% fatalities of the individuals, and parasite B may also cause 10% loss. When both parasites are present, the losses are observed to be significantly greater than the expected 19%, and it is said that the parasites in combination have a synergistic effect. An example is beekeeping in North America where three foreign parasites of the honeybee, acarine mite, tracheal mite and the small hive beetle, all were introduced within a short period of time.

Now do you get it??

[Kevin Milkins]

I was under presure to complete a task and my manager ask for the umpteenth time how much progress had I made.
I flashed and said " for Christ sake ,Rome wasn't built in a day".

He firered back with " I know, but I wasn't in charge of that project.

I use it as one of my own now.

[Sapphire2803]

Bouncebackability, Helicopter view, Elevator version, Brain dump, Statistical massage, Al desco, Weighing the pig, Kilting.

Oh, there are so many more and they are one of many reasons I moved here.
Blessed escape

[evelyn]

This was actually utterred at a meeting in a nuclear site far, far away (from reality that is).

"Let`s run this one up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes".

[oldchemist]

"Forward planning" - is there any other option without time travel?

[Sapphire2803]

Taken from Private Eye

"The Commission for Integrated Transport recommends demand responsive transport solutions should be considered where cost-effective" TAXIS

[hotrod4]

Beepilepsy The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers or cell phones go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Chips and Salsa Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we’ve got to figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.

Copy Protection Spaying or neutering, such as, “Janet just had her cat copyprotected.”

Facemail Technologically backward means of communication, clearly inferior to voicemail or e-mail. Involves actually walking to someone’s office and speaking to him or her face-to-face.

Liveware Slang for people. Also called wetware or jellyware, as opposed to hardware, software, and firmware

Got these from a Microsoft site, it explains everything Mr Gates means when he talks!!

One word not on there-LINUX!!!

[hotrod4]

Almost forgot this one!!!!

Shatner Moment When a program has behaviour characterized by abnormally long pauses, alternated with rapid-fire delivery of some of what you typed—

when........... your typ........ing comes............... in........ bursts, because....... your email program.......... is.........dying..................... network............... slow.....can’t.................... contin......<crash>

Example: “My e-mail is having a Shatner Moment.”

[mccaugm]

"conf call" (conference call),

"we will take that off line". (means we will discuss that later. )

"COP" close of play

"Thought showering", means what "brain storming" used to mean but is now no longer politically correct as it supposedly offensive to people with epilepsy etc.

Can't think of any more right now...I HATE them, whats wrong with speaking English the old fashioned way. In full and proper sentences with no silly abbreviations.

[domino]

Lets just put it on the the back burner

[percy toboggan]

We need to 'develop robust strategies incorporating consensus amongst all stakeholders'. We must never introduce anything!! instead we now 'roll it out'
whilst 'going forward'
b.s. indeed.

[wifie]

Fabulous thread - has made me glad I left the job I did once more! I just never could give them "110%" - duh - who could?

[benji]

...a certain large multi-national that I know all too well had to issue a translation of a previous press release because it was so full of this guff.....I will rejoice the day that people in managment are able to communicate with real human beings

[quirbal]

And you see all this language as a problem, sorry 'opportunity for excellence'!

[honey]

theres no I in Team