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[brokencross]

The woman stares deep in to Davy's bemused eyes and says, "Davy take my blouse off, now take off my skirt. Now Davy take my bra off and FOR GOODNESS SAKE don't let me ever catch you wearing my clothes again!!"
Davy grabbed her by the shoulders and said..........

[brokencross]

"For goodness sake woman, you hardly know me, you shouldn't make bad jokes like that. She looked at him with a tear in her eye.. ..

[teenybash]

''I'm sorry'' she snuffled tears now rolling down her cheeks. ''I just thought it would be fun to pretend..................'' Suddenly an angry voice rang out. ''Mona what have I told you about molesting strangers!!'' and her husband appeared in the doorway looking at the pair. Mona darted back.............

[TBH]

"I'm sorry", said Mona as Cecil started up the chain-saw and screamed manically, "now you are both going to die"!

[brokencross]

Davy, (needing time to think) and forever the gentleman, says stutteringly "L-l-l-l-ladies f-f-f-first"

[TBH]

Cecil barges past her to get at Davie. He wants Mona to see her supposed lover die first before he deals with her.

[teenybash]

The chainsaw roared and Mona howled like a scalded cat. Daveys eyes darted round the room looking for a way to escape and then he saw it..... the potato peeler. still lying where mona had dropped it. Could he reach it, would he have time before........................

[TBH]

Could he reach it, would he have time before Cecil brought the blade down on his head and carved him up like a sunday roast?

[brokencross]

As Davy grabbed the tatty peeler, Cecil did an almighty sneeze and dropped the chainsaw which started to writhe around the floor. Davys saw his chance and.. .. ..

[JamesMcVean]

He reached for the tattie peeler and jammed it into the side of the saw, which gave a scream of shredded gears and broken bits before smoke began pouring from it, filling the room with a choking, noxious cloud...

[brokencross]

..through the smoke Davy sees Mona crying her eyes out, he holds her, comforts her saying, "Now, now we are safe".
She sobs "You don't understand, that was my favourite tattie peeler, it was my grannys and her grannys before her.....it is absolutely priceless". "WAS priceless, more like" says Davy with his usual tact.
Seeing Davy and Mona were distracted, Cecil tok his chance and.. ..

[JamesMcVean]

reaches for the Garlic Press...

[brokencross]

.. .. he was going to bring tears to young Davys eyes.. ..

[JamesMcVean]

Mona grabbed the meat tenderiser...

[ciderally]

....and with all the strength she could muster, she brought it down on his ....

[TBH]

bedside cabinet, missing Cecil's head by millimetres. Mona falls in a crumpled, wailing heap, murder was never her forte.

[brokencross]

The meat tenderiser had shattered Cecils false teeth and the glass by the bed and this just made Cecil even madder.
Not only was his wife a potential adulteress, his gnashers were useless and he wouldn't be able to have his steak that night.. .. ..

[teenybash]

Rob Anderson, the local bobby had decided to take a walk down by the Big House as it was his afternoon off. ......................But what was that tortuous racket he could hear? ....something was amiss and he aimed to find out what.......

[JamesMcVean]

"My Teesh! I will never enjoy a shteak again and I hate bloody Shoop!" Cecil wails as his falsers fall in tinkling fragments...He steps though the smoke with murder in his eyesh...

[TBH]

Meanwhile, Robbie the Bobby knocked furiously on the door shouting, "Open up, it's the Police."