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[daviddd]

...a rusty ladder running up the side of the wall of a nearby building. Pushing Bella roughly onto Olrig Street straight into the path of the X25 he flew up the ladder as fast as he could until he reached the shop roofs. Briefly looking back he saw that Bella was totally and angrily preoccupied in dragging the poor hapless bus driver out of his cab (what a violent woman!) and so he nimbly nipped across the naves to make his escape. Unfortunately the roof gave way suddenly and he plunged downwards, landing in the bouncy castle in Top Joes much to the surprise of the young mothers who were bouncing around whilst their toddlers were away at the bar. "This is better!" thought Someone, but........

[laguna2]

then he saw the gleam in the young mothers'eyes as they advanced towards him ... arms outstretched, nails bent like claws, eyes with a horrible glaze over them ... "our prayers have been answered" one of them screeched ... "at last our prince charming has arrived" cackled another. "That's a bit OTT" said a quiet voice from the corner of the bouncy castle "but let me have a good look at this vision which has descended from above". The young mothers drew aside and in the corner Someone could see, through the ciggy smoke, a vision of .............................

[teenybash]

sheer seductive beauty. Long dark hair like a silken cascade draping over her bare shoulders..smouldering eyes flashing and holding him in their gaze.
'Come here sweet man.' her sultry voice beckoned and....................

[laguna2]

As her face came into view Someone had that awful sinking feeling in his stomach! He just couldn't believe it, after all these years, all these miles, all these adventures he was looking into the face of .......................

[teenybash]

Lulu La Plant the Lanark love machine and she minced towards him before clutching him close, saying, 'Someone, imagine seeing you here.' and she.............

[laguna2]

planted a great big smacker full square on his lips! "Arghhhhhhhhh" yelled Someone ... "Help, get me oot oe here!" Lulu La Plant looked at Someone through big, saucer shaped eyes. Tears welled up and one big, fat tear dribbled down Lulu's cheek. "Oh Someone" she sobbed" I huv waited so long fur ye, and now you don't seem pleased tae see me." Someone looked suitably embarrassed. "Well, ye see" he stuttered "I huv met someone else". "Who is she?" yelled Lulu "I will rip her from limb to limb!" Someone felt a little bit sick, picturing Bella being attached like that .... frantically he tried to think of the name of someone he wouldn't really mind being ripped from limb to limb ..... "It is ................ Simon Cowell" shouted Someone. "Whit!" roared Lulu "Whit? Simon Cowell ... where is he?" and with that Lulu grabbed Someone by the collar and ......................................

[teenybash]

Someone stuttered out, 'America ................' with that Lulu headed straight to Wick airport and flew to the USA via Luton.
Simon Cowell meantime was limbering up for the X Factor gelling his hair and hauling his trousers up to chest height, quite unaware of what Lulu had in store for him.............

[laguna2]

Act after act performed for them .. useless, useless, really useless was all that Mr Cowell could utter. Then suddenly a vision of loveliness appeared on the stage. ".. and what are you going to show us?" leered Mr C. "Well," simpered Lulu in disguise "I thought I would show you ....... MY DEADLY KARATE CHOPS!!" with that Lulu sumersaulted through the air towards a thunderstruck Mr C .........................

[teenybash]

and with a Wheeeee Whaaaa Shooooo felled him to the floor and neatly flicked out every neat veneer from his gaping mouth, leaving him with only ground down stumps.
Louis Walsh clapped his hands and called ot loudly, 'Best act I've seen today....your through.' While Dani Minogue nodded her head in total agreement and screached, 'Yees, eesn't shy wonderful.'
Lulu, stood up and smoothed her skin tight leather catsuit and...............

[laguna2]

... drew herself up to her full height...not all that tall but quite impressive when she glowered ...................... "I will not progress to the next round, I just wanted you to see what you were missing ..." and with that she flounced out the door ... the judges were shellshocked .... "Get her back"they cried .... "No, I will only return for one person" she said, "and that person is ........................"

[teenybash]

'ME' roared a voice from the back of the studio. The spotlights were hastily swung round and illuminated the figure of.....................

[laguna2]

Someone!!! He swaggered towards Lulu ... "thought I had deserted ya, did ya darlin'?" he slurred - having consumed vast quantities of alcohol on the way .......

He turned towards the judges, swaying slightly. "Now, what is it worth for me to get her to go on?" he said slowly ..............................

[teenybash]

No one took any notice of his leering offer and chose to ignore the unsteady Someone. Meantime Lulu had left the studio and stopped suddenly as she stepped into the street when she saw................

[laguna2]

... her twin sister - GaGa!

The pair looked at each other suspiciously. They circled each other never losing eye contact. Neither uttered a sound until ...

GaGa threw her hands in the air and broke into song ... Oh the Hokey Cokey Cokey ..

Lulu laughed though her tears "I thought you had forgotten" she sobbed.

"Forgotten my big sister-by-two-minutes?" Gaga said "and her favourite song? Never".

"How long has it been" asked Lulu .............................