In-laws

[angela5]

There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws' place.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law, "When my son comes, do not call up my office and say that I have become a father of a boy because I'll have to shell out a lot for parties. Just leave me a message that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby."
The offspring does finally arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks to himself, "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand and think that something has happened to the baby and come rushing over."
So the father-in-law left the following message: "The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing."

[angela5]

Last year a Jewish gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot with a fancy granite headstone in an expensive cemetery.
On his mother-in-law's next birthday, he bought her nothing.
Naturally, she was quick to comment loud and long about his thoughtlessness.
The son-in-law replied, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

[angela5]

One evening, a man came into the local pub and ordered, in contrast to his usual habits, a glass of milk.
The bartender said, "Hey, Stanley, what is the matter? You usually only drink whisky."
Stanley soberly answered, "I stopped drinking alcohol yesterday."
The bartender wondered and asked, "But, why?"
Stanley replied, "Well, after being here yesterday, I went back home and saw my mother-in-law twice."