short christmas jokes

[Billy Boy]

Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf-esteem!

What's red and white and red and white and red and white?

Santa Claus rolling down a hill

[Billy Boy]

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it", the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!", to which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear".

[angela5]

Three men die on Christmas eve. To get into Heaven St Peter says "You must have something on you that represents Christmas". The English man flicks on his lighter and says "It's a candle". St Peter lets him pass. The Welsh man gets his keys out and jingles them and says "They are bells" St Peter lets him pass. The Irish man gets out a G-string and St Peter says "What has that got to do with Christmas?" Paddy says...

"They're CAROLS!"

[angela5]

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

[Billy Boy]

A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself?' 'Of course I do,' the butcher replied. 'They were only 50p a pound this morning!'

[peedie man]

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?”

Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,

”Is there something wrong out there doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”