"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative



Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.


It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.


It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.


It takes twice as long to look half as good.


People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"


Things you buy now won't wear out.


When happy hour is a nap.


When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.


When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.


When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.


You and your teeth don't sleep together.


You are proud of your lawn mower.


You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."